Archive - September, 2006

It’s How You Treat People

September 29, 2006 in Spiritual Life with 4 Comments

This week, golfer Byron Nelson died.  He lived in the Dallas area.  He was a legend who won eleven straight tournaments in 1945 (a total of eighteen that year).  Many refer to him as the father of the modern golf swing.  The day after his death, the Dallas Morning News devoted most of the front page to his life.  The article began as follows:

 

"Golf icon Byron Nelson, a man revered for his benevolence and humility as much as his on course accomplishment, died Tuesday at his Roanoke ranch.  He was 94."


Everything I have ever heard about Nelson is that he was a good man.  Yes, he was a Christian.  To him, that made a difference in the way he treated people.  People are now paying tribute to this man.  His peers call attention to his character and the quality of his life.

Listen to the following people:

 

"…He was a fantastic person whom I admired from the time I was a boy."  –Arnold Palmer

 

"Apart from being one of the greatest players ever, Byron Nelson was always the epitome of a gentleman."  –Ben Crenshaw

 

"The only thing that rivals Byron’s greatness on a golf course is the manner in which he conducted his life–as a gentleman, a role model and an ambassador."  –Jack Nicklaus

 

"For many Byron will be remembered for his incredible record as a professional golfer, including winning 11 tournaments in a row.  But he will be most remembered for the genuineness and gentleness he brought to all those around him.  I will miss him, but I will always remember what he taught me."  –Tom Watson

 

"You can always argue who was the greatest player, but Byron Nelson is the finest gentleman the game has ever known."  –Ken Venturi 

 

I find this very refreshing.  In a culture where selfishness by celebrities is way over the top, it is refreshing to hear of a man who was regarded this way among his peers.

 

Many years ago, the island of Crete was known as a very rough place.  Evidently, many of the people were hot heads, drunks, and basically crooked.  (You wouldn’t have wanted to buy a used car at Crete.)  One on the island refered to Cretans as "…always liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons."  Paul wrote concerning the situation on this island.  He spoke of special instruction that needed to be given to older men (2:2), the older women (2:3), the younger women (2:4), and the younger men (2:6-8).  He even gave instruction to slaves (2:9-10).  The instruction was specific and then he lays out his overall vision:

 

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.  It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope–the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

 

I want to remember the power of a good life.  It really does matter to God and to others how I live–and how I treat people.  I don’t want to underestimate this.

 

I Have a Question for You

September 27, 2006 in Family/Marriage with 34 Comments

What is so difficult about marriage?

 

Excuse this post if you don’t think it is difficult.  I do.  At least I have found it to be very difficult at times.  I am sure my wife would say the same.  We have a good marriage.  We love one another and are committed to our marriage.  We find joy in our marriage.  But again–it has been difficult at times.  In fact, there have been seasons when it has been difficult.

 

I have talked with many men and women about their marriages.  These conversations have taken place across twenty-eight years.  I will tell you that many of these people found marriage difficult as well.

 

Some of the issues of marriage?

 

  • Money.  How to earn, spend, and save it. 
  • Sex.  What is normal, right, good, etc.
  • Communication.  How do we understand one another?
  • Expectations.  What do we do with unmet expectations?

 

Maybe most important: "What does it mean to have a Christian marriage?"  

 

So I am curious.  If you are or have been married, did you find it to be difficult?  Why?  As you look around, why do you think many couples find marriage to be very difficult? 

Where Many Leaders Dare Not Go

September 27, 2006 in Ministry with 10 Comments

I am reading a new book by Dan B. Allender entitled Leading.  Why am I reading this particular book?  Because of its subtitle.  The subtitle is: "Turning Your Struggles Into Strengths."  Now that had my interest.  After all, it is often my own humanness that gets in the way.  

 

I began reading the book and came across this statement:

 

…to the degree you face and name and deal with your failures as a leader, to that same extent you will create an environment conducive to growing and retaining productive and committed colleagues.

 

I’ve seen this.  I’ve seen people who either refused or were unable to deal with their own issues.  And then, they couldn’t figure out why others did not enjoy working with them.  Here is a man who is so insecure that he must constantly be propped up and reassured.  He constantly turns conversations from others back to himself.  At the same time, he creates great distance between himself and his colleagues because he will not own up to these efforts to compensate for his insecurity.

 

I’ve also noticed that it is extremely difficult for so many leaders to admit they were wrong or say "I’m sorry."  Instead, they put a spin on whatever they say so that in the end, someone else is responsible for the mistake.  Or–they pretend there was no mistake at all.  I remember watching the talking heads on television years ago as they discussed the political mess that former President Richard Nixon was in.  In one commentator’s view, the American people are very forgiving and would have forgiven Nixon if he had just said, "I’m sorry.  I was wrong."  But, he would not.

 

Authentic self-disclosure and honesty are important not only for Christian leaders but for all of us.  Think about how such an attitude would bless our marriages.  I remember arguing with Charlotte once about some issue.  It dawned on me about halfway into the argument that I was wrong.  I had gotten my facts wrong.  By that time, however, I had already committed myself.  So–I did what any other immature human being would do, I continued to argue for something that I knew was wrong.

 

Pretty stupid?  Yeah.  But also very prideful.

 

Listen to Allender as he continues this line of thinking:

 

The truth about confession is that it doesn’t lead to people’s weakness and disrespect; instead, it transforms the leader’s character and earns her greater respect and power.  This is the strange paradox of leading: to the degree you attempt to hide or dissemble your weaknesses, the more you will need to control those you lead, the more insecure you will become, and the more rigidity you will impose–prompting the ultimate departure of your best people.  (p. 3)

People Go On With Their Lives–Regardless

September 26, 2006 in Encouragement, Self-Care with 3 Comments

I was a senior in college.  Just one more student in the school of business at the University of North Texas (North Texas State in those days).  This was a large university with large classes.  I had just gone through a year in which I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in college.  My grades really suffered during that time.  Of course, I asked no one for advice or direction about any of this.  I tried to figure it out on my own and that sure didn’t work.  Then one day something occurred to me that I have never forgotten. 

 

The world is not going to wait on me.  People will go on with their lives regardless of what I do. 

 

Now that was big for me.  Why?  Because it was a reminder that the world did not revolve around me.  The lives of my friends, family, etc. did not revolve around me.  Everybody else would go on with their lives regardless of what I did with my life.

 

I have a friend who is a minister for a very large church in Dallas.  He told me once:

 

If I am crossing Preston Road this Sunday and then get run over by a beer truck, the church will have a search committee in place by that evening.

 

Probably an exaggeration.  His point was, this church would move on rather quickly.  My friend stressed that he did not need to see himself as irreplaceable.  He needed to keep in mind that his life was more than this church.

 

Remembering this has been important to me even right now.  Sometimes I get discouraged.   I suspect some of you wrestle with this as well.   My own discouragement does not come as the result of problems, struggles, etc.  Typically, when I feel myself becoming discouraged, it is the result of some kind of ongoing frustration that has been building.   Or, it may be the result of a series of disappointments.  And–to be honest–it is sometimes the result of envy of others or even self-pity.

 

I can tell you this: The world is not going to wait on me.  People will go on with their lives.   Whether I live another twenty five years or die today, everyone else will go on.  So what I need to focus on is not my frustration with other people.  Nor do I need to dwell on circumstances which are beyond my control to change.

 

Instead, I need to keep very centered on my relationship with God.  For me, that means staying focused on the basics.

 

  • I am a Christ-follower.  That means that I live each day with the intention of learning from him how to do life.
  • In me is the "forever presence" of God.  (The Holy Spirit).  God lives in me providing his strength and the power to do whatever he wants me to do.  He produces in my life God-like qualities that are visible each day in my relationships with people.
  • I need other people.  This is not just about "God and me" but "God and us."  I was not meant to live as a Christian by myself, doing life on my own.

I get discouraged far less frequently than I used to.  Yes, there continue to be some real frustrations in my life.  I suspect that is true of you as well.  However, I am trying to stay focused on a few basics and then go on with life.

 

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart (Hebrews 12:3)

 

Welcome!

September 25, 2006 in Spiritual Life with 17 Comments

This morning I moved.  This is the same blog (A Place for the God-Hungry) with a different address www.godhungry.org.

 

If you are a blogger, you might want to change the link address to this blog (and thanks by the way for linking to this blog).  If you simply bring this up on your browser, you might want to bookmark this new address.

 

Over the weekend, all of the content from my former blog home was transfered to my new blog home.  Over the next few months, you will notice some changes in the bar to the right.  You may notice as you go through the archives that the pictures which usually appeared on each post are in a different position and may just look different.  Nevertheless, the content is the same.  Some of you made comments on the last post which did not get transferred over.  That is only because the transfer had already been made before the comment was posted.

 

At the top right hand corner is a great tool for searching in this blog.  Try typing in "marriage" or "ministry" or "depression."  It quickly finds articles in which that word is used.

 

Right now, I feel awkward using Word Press.  Hopefully, the post will not sound as awkward as I may feel in posting it.

 

The other blog will remain where it is for a few months.  Then it will fade away.

 

Thanks for stopping by this blog. 

 
 

The Heart I Want: Generosity (3)

September 25, 2006 in Starting the Day with 1 Comment

You’ve seen this person.  Maybe you’ve known her or him.  Generous is not exactly the word that comes to mind when you think of this person.  It’s not about money.  No, it is about a spirit or an attitude in this person.  This man or woman seems to have a heart that is rooted in greed. 

 

This person may show little interest in your life.  He has a way of turning most dinner conversations back to himself.  He may see life in his town, city, school, or company as the center of the universe.  I once knew a family who moved to several different locations over the course of a few years.  It was interesting how each location became "the" place to live.  Every other place just seemed to be lacking.

 

Greedy people can be very nice and very pleasant.  You just need to know that you will not find very much generosity in these people.

 

  • Greedy people are not liberal with praise–especially for those who seem to be "ahead" of them.
  • Greedy people keep score.   They look at others around them and become concerned if they "get behind."
  • Greedy people do not lavish forgiveness.  Nope–they have a way of remembering in great detail who did them wrong.
  • Greedy people are not active in building others up.  Rather, they passively wait for others to build them up.
  • Greedy people do not give money with joy.  They often want to know there will be some kind of payback. 
  • Greedy people do not exude grace.  Instead, they have a way of critiquing everyone around them.

Living as a greedy person is to live in a small world.  This small world has "self" as the center of its existence.  In the end, a greedy person’s heart is small and cold. 

 

A number of years ago, our church had a worship service in which the children of our church were highly visible.  This was a special occasion which we knew the children would enjoy.  At some point during the day, one woman remarked, "Well what about people my age?  Why doesn’t anyone notice us?" 

 

I really understand the concern.  Because I have asked it in one form or another.

 

"What about me?"

 

When we focus on ourselves, our greedy hearts have a way of seeing everything with self at the center.  So, the question keeps coming.  "What about me?"

 

God has called us to have a large heart.  He has called us to have his heart which is rooted in generosity.  I want to know that my interaction with people reflects generosity and not greed.  I want to know that when people come away from being with me, they don’t remember a guy who was caught up in himself and in his little world. 

 

I think this has some real implications for my day, my week, and my life in general.  For those of us who follow Christ, this is a call to ask ourselves, "Am I more about generosity or am I more about greed?"

 

Might be worth thinking about.  Believe I will. 

Why Should I Bother to Read This?

September 22, 2006 in Spiritual Life with 5 Comments

Sunrise1_1
I think about the people who read this blog.  People like you.  Normal.  Everyday.  Coffee drinking/Diet Coke sipping kind of people who are just trying to deal with life.  Maybe just trying to deal with the day.

From the outside, some of us appear to be people who are whole.  That is, we appear to have it together.  Others of us appear to be struggling.  Still others of us may appear to be a mess.

The truth?  What you see on the outside can be deceiving.  Regardless of the way we may appear on the outside, on the inside, we all are lacking.  We have fears and inadequacies that many of us go to great lengths to mask.  At the core of our being is a great need for God. 

Yet, we often try our best to make it on our own.


So I want you to know that when I post each day (about four to five days a week), I am thinking about people just like you.  In fact, I sometimes picture people just like you, turning on their computer and finding this blog.

You may be single.
You may be a young father or mother.
You may be a widow.
You may be a church leader.
You may not see yourself as very "religious."
You may feel very connected with some special people in your life.
You may feel very alone.

Regardless, we have much in common.

What we have in common, however, may not be what you see on the outside.  What we have in common is what is real and what may be lacking on the inside.

Some days you might read this blog and come away encouraged or helped in some way.  Some days–well, it just didn’t do much for you.  Regardless, I really pray that in some way God would bless and provide just what you need. 

The Heart I Want: Generosity (2)

September 21, 2006 in Starting the Day with 3 Comments

Exclamation_1
What is a generous person like? 

Right now I am thinking about some generous people I’ve noticed through the years.  These people, in a variety of ways, model generosity.  As I think about some of these people, here are some qualities that I’ve seen.  (This is a composite of several people.)  These people are:

  • Generous with their forgiveness.  (They "let it go" and move on.)
  • Generous with their attention.  (They seem to focus on others and not themselves.)
  • Generous with their praise.  (They notice and affirm people regularly.)
  • Generous with their encouragement.  (They have a way of communicating confidence.)
  • Generous with their time.  (Often, they are very busy people and yet they give you their time.)
  • Generous with their money.  (They are not known for being tight and stingy.)
  • Generous with their kindness.  (They do things for others as a result.)
  • Generous with their thoughtfulness. (They do nothing that might humiliate another.)

What makes these qualities attractive?  They are God-like.  And–is he ever a generous God!

What makes these qualities almost radical?  They reflect a life that is focused on others and not on self.

What makes these qualities difficult?  Fear.  Our hesitancy to let go of ourselves.  We may not trust God with this much of our lives.

Today, I am praying for a generous heart.  I am praying that my life today will reflect more of what I just wrote instead of the heart of a grasping, fearful man. 

Maybe worth thinking about.

The Heart I Want: Generosity (1)

September 20, 2006 in Starting the Day with 12 Comments

Generosity
Yesterday, I was in Dallas with a friend and heard Joe Stowell, former President of Moody Bible Institute, speak.   In one of his talks, he spoke of being a generous person versus being a person of greed.  His use of these two words ("generosity" and "greed") went way beyond money issues.  Rather, these words describe a spirit, a disposition, and a way of living on many fronts.  In essence, these words describe a person’s heart. 

 

Some of us have a generous spirit.  Basically,  we reflect the character of God.  After all, God is a generous God.  Others of us have greedy hearts. In other words, regardless of what we are doing, we tend to focus on ourselves and our desire for more.

 

I’ve been thinking about this since my friend and I returned to Waco last evening.  I want to be a generous person.  But–I want to have a generous heart because I want to be like God.  For example, I want to be generous with mercy.

The world can be such a hard, mercy-less place.  Perhaps you can relate to this scene.  It is a hot afternoon.  Cars are lined up at a stoplight.  The light turns green.  One car does not begin moving the split second the light turns green.  The guy behind this car lays on the horn and looks very irritated.  The same kind of thing happens at work and in retail stores every day.  Many people treat others without generosity.  "You either respond correctly immediately or I will react negatively!"  Wow…

 

People can be really hard on one another.  Perhaps the cashier at Target is new.  She seems to be fumbling around with the keys at the check-out stand.  Maybe she doesn’t know how to enter the code for a certain item I am buying.  She asks another employee for help and then sheepishly apologizes to me, the customer, explaining that she is new.  How will I handle this?  Will I sigh deeply and  show my impatience?   Or, will I remember that God is generous with his mercy and I need to be generous with mercy as well?

 

I want to be generous today because God is a generous God.

  • God is generous with his love.  He loves the "world" in general (John 3:16) and yet he loves me (and you) in particular.  How generous!
  • God is generous with his grace and mercy.   He is described as one who is "rich in mercy" even when we are dead in our "transgressions and sins" (Ephesians 2:4).  How generous!
  • God is generous with his Holy Spirit.  He has given his "forever presence" to every believer.  God’s forever presence (the Holy Spirit) was "…poured out on us generously through Christ Jesus, our Savior" (Titus 3:6).  How generous!

One of the most attractive characteristics a person can cultivate is generosity.  People who are generous with love, mercy, service, patience, etc. will be attractive because they reflect the very character of God.  After all–God is an attractive God.  Come to know God and you will want to know more of God.  Like David, you will want to "…gaze upon the beauty of the Lord" (Psalm 27:4).

How generous of God.

Are You Willing to Invest?

September 19, 2006 in Encouragement, My Family with 6 Comments

Doginmirror On Thursday of last week, I drove my mom and dad to Arkansas.  We went to the town (Wilmar) where she grew up.  It was fun to stay with my aunt (my mom’s sister) and see another aunt and uncle, a number of cousins and their spouses and their children (and even their spouses).  I had not been there in a number of years.  I was very glad I went.  As long as I am alive, these people in southern Arkansas will be family.  And–they are a part of some very good memories.

Sometimes, we grow up with people or become friends with people and then lose touch.  Perhaps we do not invest much in our friendships.  We may not invest very much in our own extended or even our immediate family.   For example:

  • Parents and adult children who rarely call or visit with one another.  Far too many adult child rarely call or visit their parents.  On the other hand, some parents will sit at home passively waiting for someone to call them (instead of taking the initiative to make the call themselves).  Siblings can do the same with one another.
  • Friendships that are one sided.  Have you had a friendship in which you were the one who always initiated getting together?  If you and your friend were ever going to get together, you were the one who made that happen. 
  • Churches where it is difficult, if not impossible, to break in.  Have you ever been a part of a church where it was so hard to make friends?  Maybe you invited people over or met some people at a restaurant.  Yet, no one else seemed to take the initiative to invite you over.  Perhaps you know what is like to be a part of a Bible class where everyone was buzzing about a trip some of them took to a state park.  You knew nothing about plans for such a trip.  You felt left out and awkward.

Many people are very passive about their relationships.  They wait for something to happen.  They wait for their wife or husband to make the first move.  They wait for a family member to call and yet never pick up the telephone to call that person.  They wait for a friend to invite.  They wait for someone to come see them.  They wait, wait, and wait.

Contrary to this, I believe I have to take the initiative with people most of the time.  Fair or unfair–that is just life.  I choose not to spend my life passively waiting for other people.  That is often a dead-end street.

Some people will disappoint.  Some people will be passive.  Some people rarely follow through ("We’ll call you and invite you over for dinner.").

Meanwhile–God does not disappoint.  He is active.  He follows through with whatever he promises.  He has taken initiative through Jesus.  I’m thankful he did not passively stand by.  Instead, he stepped in and took action. 

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