Archive - October, 2007

Ministry as a Place of Joy and Pain (Part 1)

October 30, 2007 in Ministry with 13 Comments

coffee6.jpgHis suit was black.  His voice was stained glass.  He never seemed too excited about much of anything.  His tone seemed bland.  As a young teenager, sitting near the back of our church, I just didn’t get it.  The disconnect between my world and his seemed very, very wide.

 
Now, many years later I am in a similar role.  I am more sympathetic.  Yet, instead of feeling disconnected from people, I feel as if I have been given a front row seat to life.  Not only am I experiencing life through my own existence and with my own family, but I am seeing much of life that I am not sure I would see otherwise.

 
Those experiences include:
 

  • Hearing the stories of men and women who have loved God, who have failed God, who have loved others, and who have failed others.
  • Being present at very tender moments: death, funerals, weddings, times of heartache, and times when someone dares to trust God.
  • Walking with people who want to trust God and who find it very difficult.
  • Giving people hope when they feel forever stained by failure.
  • Attempting to teach men and women what it means to treasure God more than anything else in response to him who has treasured us to the point of giving his son to die on our behalf.

These experiences also include stepping into the world and being up close to people in a variety of situations.  Some examples include:
 

  • Looking into the faces of about one hundred men as I begin to preach.  They are all wearing the same white uniform.  All of these men are in prison at Leavenworth, Kansas.  I am speaking to them and afterward will spend about fifteen minutes mingling with them.
  • My Bible is open on a kitchen table in a small house in rural Tennessee.  (This is the late 1970s.)  Underneath the table, my feet rest on a floor so rotten, I wonder if it is going to fall in.  A family is sitting with me at this table.   On the other side of the kitchen, I can see roaches scurrying up and down the cabinet doors. 
  • A couple is in my office.  He had an affair that has just devastated his wife.  She is deeply hurt by his deception.  He begs for her forgiveness.  I watch him literally get down on his knees in my office and beg her to forgive.
  • At 1:00 AM, I am sitting with a family in an apartment.  It is very, very quiet in that place.  Their dad and husband had killed himself several hours earlier.
  • I sit with a successful businessman as he tells me what a miserable failure he is as a human being.  His family has been destroyed by his self-centered behavior.
  • Two foster children want to meet with me in my office.  They meet with me along with their new foster parents.  They want me to know about some of the horrible situations in which they have lived in one of their previous foster homes.
  • I sit with a roomful of people at a hospital as they sit with a family whose daughter is near death in a nearby hospital room.  She dies that evening, and I read the 23rd Psalm to this brokenhearted family.

These situations are just a sample of experiences God has placed me in through the years of serving in this ministry.  These experiences are not unique to me.  Many other people could echo this.  

 
I am serving in this role because I believe that this is exactly where God wants me to be at this point in my life.  Anyone who serves people will experience seasons of joy and seasons of pain. 

 
Does any of this sound familiar to what you have seen or experienced?

Marriage and Following Christ

October 29, 2007 in Faith, Family/Marriage, Jesus with 7 Comments

driveway.jpg
You may have seen the cartoon that showed a father walking his daughter down the
aisle to be married.  They are arm in
arm, and he is holding on to her hand. 
He leaned over and whispered to her: “Okay, I’ll fake a heart attack and
then you run for your life!”  I don’t know
if that is what she had in mind for that moment.  A lot of you probably understand that
cartoon.  It is not that this the
daughter was about to get into something bad.  In fact, marriage is a good thing! 
But—it is a big thing!  Marriage
is something that requires a lot of grace, much forgiveness, and solid
commitment.   It can be very, very difficult. 

 
The great Christian writer Francis de Sales (17th century) was answering a question from
a woman who was contemplating marriage. 
He told her that marriage might be the most difficult ministry she could
undertake.

 
The state of marriage is one that requires more virtue and constancy than any other.  It is a perpetual exercise of mortification….  From this thyme plant,
in spite of the bitter nature of its juice, you may be able to draw and make
the honey of a holy life. (Quoted in Sacred
Marriage, Gary Thomas, p. 13)

 
Why is marriage difficult?  There are many reasons that we could
give.  Fundamentally, however, marriage
is difficult for us because every married person has married a sinner.  You married a
sinner, and your spouse did as well.  At the
heart of that truth is the implication that we have a tendency to look after
ourselves and depend on other things instead of God.  There is something in us as broken people who have a tendency to pursue self-interests.

 
This is true no matter how great the person I married is.  No matter how
committed I am.  No matter how much I
love him or her, Yet, God has a way of redeeming our marriages and helping us move toward
Him.  God has a way of redeeming these marriages so that they become relationships characterized by self-giving, service, and love.

 
Let me suggest a few complications for many people today who are Christian people and married.

 

  • Unfortunately, through no fault of their own, many people in churches never had the opportunity to see a healthy marriage up close.  As children, they just never had
    that opportunity.  Fortunately for many, they did have the opportunity to see such a marriage in their church or other family members.     

  • Some of us are moving so fast and are so busy and overloaded
    that our marriages and families suffer.  I think many people will tell you that marriages erode not because of some dramatic event that occurs at a point in
    time but from months and months of neglect.
  • Some of us see ourselves as spiritual people. 
    Yet, there seems to be a disconnect between our faith and the way
    we behave in these relationships. The husband who loves to hear preaching,
    teach Bible classes or sing hymns but neglects his wife or mistreats her with
    his harshness.

In our own marriage, it took me some years to see that my behavior and attitude toward Charlotte were a part of my ministry as a Christian.  I think I can honestly say that from the time we were first married that I wanted to do the right thing (though of course falling short).  However, it took awhile before I began to see that this was a relationship in which God was forming me to be like Jesus.  (The best book I have read on this is Gary Thomas’ Sacred Marriage.  I’ve read through it several times).

 
Does this connect with you?  If you are married, in what ways has God used your marriage to help you become more like Jesus?  What about the "complications" that were listed.  Do you relate to one or more of these? 

Places I’ve Been

October 29, 2007 in Places I've Been... with 1 Comment

Donn Johnson has written a very interesting piece on Robert Wuthnow’s book: After the Baby Boomers: How Twenty- and Thirty-Somethings Are Shaping the Future of American Religion. 

 
John Alan Turner on "The Church Can’t Raise Your Kids."

 
Mark Galli on "Am I Growing Yet?" (a response to Willow Creek’s survey about its own congregational spiritual life, etc.). 

 
"Press Button — Receive Bacon" 

 
Terry Rush on "Worse Case Scenarios Have Their Advantages." 

 
Ben Overby on "The Need for Good Metaphors."

 
H.B. London has written a piece entitled "In Pursuit of Lost Passion." 

Freedom and Letting Go

October 26, 2007 in Faith, Spiritual Life with 5 Comments

moon.jpgThis morning, I woke up and saw light outside my window.  I thought I had overslept.  I made my way to the front door and stepped outside.  Our entire front yard seemed to be lit up by the light of the moon.  I had not overslept.  It was 5:20 AM.  Inside, I opened my Bible, got my yellow marker and turned on the coffee pot.  I am reading through the Psalms again.  This morning, I read Psalm 6 through Psalm 10.  In particular, I noticed Psalm 8:3:

 
When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?

 
The bright light from the moon this morning reminded me that God is in control of this world.  That is not on my shoulders.  God is in control of his church.  That is not on my shoulders.  God is aware and involved in every problem I have.  Even when life is overwhelming, painful, and frustrating, I am not alone.

 
It is easy to think about God as the creator of the universe and conclude that he really isn’t interested in me or in the stresses and strains of this life.  Yet he is "mindful" of me.  

 
Part of trusting God is learning to let go.
 

  • Letting go of my efforts to control.
  • Letting go of my efforts to look good.
  • Letting go of my fear that life will spin out of my control.
  • Letting go of my desire to appear competent.
  • Letting go of my efforts to build little, pathetic securities into my life.
  • Letting go of my rationalizations and justifications — declaring myself to be okay while others need to improve.

Now I don’t believe that "letting go" is like shutting your eyes and leaping out of a window.  For me, learning to let go is gradual.  Often simple reminders like the moon and its brightness this morning help me remember that God is very much in charge.

 
Far too often, ministers and other church leaders do not really feel the freedom of being a child of God because we are afraid to loosen our death-grip for fear….  The good news is that this is still God’s world and he is still the one who set the moon in place. 

“I Was Mistaken”

October 25, 2007 in Spiritual Life with 9 Comments

Cup_of_Coffee.GIFStrong people admit wrong.  Strong leaders admit fault.  Strong men and women admit that they are works in progress.  Yet, some of us have such a hard time with this.

 
We had not been married very long.  We were in a "discussion" (argument).  I don’t know the issue or the subject.  I just remember that there was strong disagreement.  Charlotte was upset with me about something.  I was defensive and was standing my ground.  What I remember is that somewhere in the middle of the discussion it suddenly dawned on me that she was right.  Of course, I was too prideful and insecure to immediately admit that.  So, I continued arguing in favor of something I knew was wrong.  How dumb.

So why do some of us rarely, if ever, say:
 

  • "I don’t know anything about that."
  • "You know a lot more than I do about this."
  • "I sure have a lot to learn."
  • "I really haven’t thought through this."
  • "I must have made a mistake."
  • "I don’t know what to do."

What is it that keeps us from ever saying anything that suggests error, a lack of knowledge, or uncertainty?  Perhaps it is our own sense of insecurity.  I remember a time when a person made this observation regarding a particular Christian leader: "He is not going to admit that he doesn’t know what to do.  He is far too insecure.  Instead, he will probably try to communicate that he is actually ahead of everyone else in his thinking about this matter."  Oh my.

 
There is something freeing about not having to always know, always be a step ahead, always be on target, or always be insightful.  There is something freeing about being able to learn, grown, and be a work in progress.  Maybe that has something to do with finding security in Christ instead of my own competency or my desire for the esteem of others.  

 
Does this speak to you?   

On Being a Parent

October 24, 2007 in Family/Marriage, My Family with 5 Comments

clock3.jpgI just got back from lunch.  Rudy’s Bar-B-Q.  I was with a good friend.  He is a good husband and a good father.  In fact, he is a fine man.

 
We talked about being a father to children.  It is very difficult.  I thought about my own children and the ups and downs that we faced over the years.  There were times during which we as parents needed great patience with our children.  There were times when our children had to show great patience with their mom and dad.  After we talked, I began to think about what I might do if I had it to do over.  What I’m thinking:

 
1.  I am grateful for those many, many nights that we put them to bed.  I am grateful for the talks at their bedside.  I am grateful for the times that we prayed together just before they went to bed.  

 
2.  I am glad for all those "special days."  Time spent with each one individually.  Breakfasts and lunches at McDonald’s, Hardee’s, other places that began when each one was very small and that continued on for many, many years. 

 
3.  I wish that I had not made such a big deal over some things that really were not that important.

 
4.  If I had to do it over, I would try to do a better job of not letting my emotion and frustration at work bog the family down.  I don’t know if the girls remember that, but I do.

 
5.  I am thankful for every person who in some way has made a positive contribution to their lives.  If I could do it over, I would continue to seek out good role models.

 
6.  As I think back, I remember the questions that in some way related to their disappointment or confusion with adults.  "Why did ____ leave his wife and children?"  I remember the night one of our children bumped into a woman in a restaurant.  This woman had left her husband and children.  She was sitting with another woman at the restaurant talking about how glad she was to be single.  I remember that my daughter came home and asked me why this woman would talk like this.  Wow.

 
7.  I will never forget certain parents, a few coaches, and a few people at church who really encouraged our children.  Their encouragement and good example meant so much.

 
8.  I am so thankful that we have been a family who has laughed and enjoyed time together.  I have wonderful memories of vacations and other times together when we laughed and laughed.

 
9.  Our children worked hard.  Sports.  Jobs.  Mowing our grass.  They paid their traffic tickets.  We saw their confidence increase in high school and college as they became more and more responsible with money.

 
10.  There is absolutely nothing that mattered to us, regarding our children, more than their relationship with God.  More than popularity, athletics, grades, money, etc.  More than anything, we wanted them to grow up learning to love God. 

From Everlasting to Everlasting

October 23, 2007 in Spiritual Life with 4 Comments

globe.jpgThis morning I checked my e-mail and learned that Mike Casey of Pepperdine University passed away last night after a battle with cancer.  Mike and Judy were here in Waco for a year while he did some special work at Baylor University.  He was a young guy who leaves behind a wife and son.

 
Then there are other situations, relationships, etc. for which I am in prayer.  Those with cancer.  A man from our church seriously injured after a motorcycle accident.

 
Sunday morning we prayed for the parents and other family members of a 49-year-old man who is dealing with some rough days in our legal system.  Two Sundays prior to this one, we prayed for the family of a city employee who was murdered earlier in the year.

 
It all gets to be overwhelming.  One people situation alone can seem to take up most of the space in my brain and heart.  Yet, there are so many other situations that are just as real to whatever family members might be involved.

 
Then, there is the incredible goodness that is everywhere.  I thank God for each moment of enjoyment, believing that this is a taste of his grace.  A cool fall day.  The taste of good coffee.  A smile from a person with whom you are doing business.  The singing of birds as they land near a feeder.  Seeing someone open a door for another.  On and on.

 
The other day, I was reading a page from John Goldingay’s commentary on Psalms (Volume 1: Psalms 1-41).  Specifically, I was reading his notes on Psalm 41:13.

 
"Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting, Amen and Amen."

 
Goldingay believes that this verse is not actually a part of the psalm but is an act of praise at the end of book I.  He says that this statement invites readers to pause and reflect on what we have learned about "the eternal God of Israel."  In other words, we do not just study Scripture, but we also worship and affirm this God.

 
Maybe that is how we need to look at our day.  Regardless of what happens from our birth to our death, we praise God.  We praise him from birth to death and from everlasting to everlasting.  

 
Maybe life hasn’t quite turned out as you expected.  Or, maybe it has actually turned out better than you expected.  Regardless, we praise God.

 
As you think about your life, ministry, and the situations that you have experienced, both bad and good, what can you praise God for? 

A Prayer of John Baillie

October 22, 2007 in Spiritual Life with 4 Comments

diary_of_prayer.jpgYou might enjoy the following lines from A Diary of Private Prayer by John Baillie.  I came across these lines some years ago.  These lines appear on the prayer for the evening of the second day.  Baillie speaks of behaviors for which he needs forgiveness for the day.  Perhaps these lines will be useful in praying for your day.  They have certainly been useful to me.

 
You might begin praying this prayer by uttering these lines.  "Lord, please forgive … "

 

My failure to be true even to my own accepted standards;

 
My self-deception in the face of temptation;

 
My choosing of the worse when I know the better;

 
O Lord, forgive.

 
My failure to apply to myself the standards of conduct I demand of others;

 
My blindness to the suffering of others and my slowness to be taught by my own;

 
My complacence toward wrongs that do not touch my own case and my over-sensitiveness to those that do;

 
My slowness to see the good in my fellows and to see the evil in myself;

 
My hardness of heart towards my neighbors’ faults and my readiness to make allowance for my own;

 
My unwillingness to believe that Thou hast called me to a small work and my brother to a great one.

 
O Lord, forgive.


What Have You Gained From A Mentor?

October 22, 2007 in Spiritual Life with 4 Comments

coffee8.jpgHave you been privileged to have a mentor or mentors in your life at some point?  What did you gain from this person?  

 
I can think of several people in my life who have served as mentors.  I am grateful for each of them.  Years ago, our church invited a very high profile minister to speak at our congregation.  I felt somewhat intimidated.  After all, he was from a very large church.  Our church in comparison was very small.  He seemed polished and was very experienced as a minister.  Meanwhile, I felt — well — rather inferior to him.  What I remember was that we took a long walk on a Sunday afternoon across my in-laws’ land.  He listened as I talked.  He told me the truth about his ministry situation.  He said, "Yes, I do preach for a larger congregation and the salary is probably more than yours.  On the other hand, I have some incredible expectations on me.  And, in this church, I live with constant criticism from a group of people." 

 
He went on to talk with me about my marriage and my children.  He talked with me about my workload and encouraged me to do less counseling than I was doing at the time.  He helped me greatly that day and on a number of other occasions in the future.  To this day, I am so grateful for the way he cared enough to invest himself in me.

 
I have another mentor whom I have known almost thirty years.  I have talked with him about almost everything imaginable about life and ministry.  I recall talking with him one day while we were having lunch during the Pepperdine Bible Lectures.  This has been about fourteen years ago.  We were driving back to the campus.  We were talking about marriage.  I told him that I was wrestling with passivity.  I told him that I knew it was wrong but, nevertheless, I fell into it at times.  He said, "This is a wonderful opportunity for you to be different and to break a cycle that is all too common in men."  That statement was incredibly helpful to me.  I am so thankful that he was willing to step into my life and say this.

 
I want to close with a wonderful comment that Jen placed on my blog the other day regarding the place of mentoring in her life.  I can’t say this any better.

My mother has always told me that she felt every little girl needed
someone outside of her parents that thought she was wonderful.  To me,
this formed the basis of my understanding of a mentor.  I certainly do
not see my role as a mentor as only a cheerleader, but one who values a
person so highly to offer graciousness and truth in the context of
love.  I have had many mentors and cheerleaders across my life, both
men and women.  I also have had the honor of mentoring two younger
women than myself.  It is humbling, as I watch these younger women take
my words and sort them out. I offer my words much more cautiously at
this point, praying for discernment.  As I have grown into these
mentoring roles, they have illuminated my need for community wisdom,
and I find myself looking for those moments when I can talk with those
older than myself.  There are some that I have sought out over the
years, and I do have one mentor that has lasted over many years who I
feel completely comfortable with in my most authentic self.  There are
also others that have been complete surprises to me, and I have almost
overlooked them because I was looking for something different. 
Mentoring is close to my heart, and I am enriched for those who mentor
me and those who I am privileged to mentor.

 

What have you gained from a mentor?  How have you been blessed by having a mentor or mentors in your life?

Question: What if you had a mentor?

October 19, 2007 in Spiritual Life with 12 Comments

question_mark_778895.gif.jpgDo you wish you had a mentor?  I am asking that because I just returned from a retreat in which our focus was centered around mentoring.   As I look back through the years, I am so thankful for the mentors I have had in my life.  These people have walked with me and in front of me.  I have learned so much from these people about life.  As I have gone through different stages in life, I have been blessed by being able to talk with people who have already been there and experienced life.  No, these people may not have considered themselves to be mentors.  However, they were mentoring me.

 
I talk with many people who feel as if they really have no one to talk with about life.  Perhaps a young man does not have a dad or feels as if he can’t really talk to his dad.  Maybe a young woman grew up without a mom and she feels as if she has no one to share the burdens of life with.  Here is a young minister who is working with a church and feels very lonely.  He feels as if he has no one to talk with about what he is experiencing.  

 
Here are some questions that I have asked mentors through the years:
 

  • How do you stay close to your children?
  • How do you deal with stress?
  • How do you function in marriage so that you and your wife remain close?
  • How do you deal with temptation?

As a minister, I have been blessed to have several mentors through the years.
 

  • One person encouraged me to take care of my body and to take plenty of time off.
  • One mentor once told me that I was counseling far too many people and that I was going to burn out.
  • Still another person mentored me through my own desire to grow in my prayer life.

Questions: What if you had a mentor?  How could a mentor help you in your life right now?   Have you ever had a mentor?  How was this person helpful to you?

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