Archive - February, 2008

Alone?

February 28, 2008 in Family/Marriage, Ministry, Relationships with 30 Comments

coffee13.jpgI’ve got a question.

 
Many, many people feel isolated and alone.
 

  • Many men in their more honest moments will speak of feeling alone or friendless.
  • Many ministers speak of feeling very alone in their ministries.  One often hears the phrase "isolated and alone" when ministers are being very honest.
  • Many people speak of how hard it is to make friends in their church.  Some will point to a time, place, or church when they had close friends.  However, they have never been able to have those same kinds of experiences again.
  • Some people admit they have few if any friends but will then say that they really have no time to invest in new friendships.

Why is the sense of being alone or friendless so common?  What are some of the contributing factors?  What can be done (either by individuals or by a church) to help remedy this? 

41 Things Encouragers Ought to Know (part three of four)

February 26, 2008 in 41 Things..., Spiritual Life with 12 Comments

cup_a_hot_joe.gifThe following is the continuation of a list that I am calling: "41 Things Encouragers Ought to Know."  You can read part one here and part two here.

 
21.  An encourager often encourages in significant ways and may be completely unaware of the encouragement he or she is actually communicating.  In other words, our capacity to encourage may be much larger than our awareness.

 
22.  An encourager has learned that paying attention to another’s successes and failures is critical.  These are special moments for people. 

 
23.  An encourager often uses words that are long remembered by the hearer.   In some cases, these words are the only positive, encouraging communication that person has received in a long time.

 
24.  An encourager understands that many people grow up hearing discouraging, insulting, and filthy remarks directed toward them.  An encourager’s words may feel like a drink from a fresh, cool mountain stream to some people.

 
25.  An encourager pays attention to the little things that someone else does.  She takes nothing for granted.  Rather she expresses her appreciation to someone who has worked hard to get a task done right.  For instance, someone may have gone to a great deal of trouble to prepare a meal or to purchase a gift.  An encourager will express gratitude to that person for what they have done.

 
26.  An encourager understands that one size does not fit all.  What encourages one may not encourage another.

 
27.  An encourager is sensitive to others and does not wish to discourage or demoralize another.

 
28.  An encourager is very careful with humor.  Many, many people have been devastated by someone who then said, "I was only joking."  An encourager only uses humor that is self-deprecating or is in some way safe.

 
29. An encourager steps in when someone has experienced disappointment.  Life has much disappointment.  Perhaps a high school student has run for student government president and wasn’t elected.  Perhaps another person interviewed for a new job and wasn’t chosen.  These can be very disappointing moments.  An encourager is sensitive to these moments and seeks to encourage.

 
30.  An encourager remembers the forgotten people.  Is someone in the hospital?  Is someone in a nursing home?  Is there someone who rarely gets included at social gatherings?  An encourager seems to encourage the forgotten. 

After Prison

February 25, 2008 in Ministry with 7 Comments

coffee22.jpgI went to prison the other day.  This particular prison is about thirty miles from our city.  For a couple of hours, I spoke on some basic life skills in a section of the prison that serves as the prison school system. This was not a sermon or Bible study.  However, this was an opportunity to communicate some basic truths about life, family, and character.


There were 25 to 30 women in each classroom.  I spoke for an hour in one unit and then spoke for another hour in another unit.  These women were well-behaved, alert, and gave lots of feedback.


There were some similarities in each classroom.  Each room was full of women inmates dressed in white uniforms and prison-issued, olive-colored coats.  Many of them had been in this prison for years.


As I looked at these people, I wondered about their stories.  I was thinking about why they were in prison.  Rather, I wondered about the home life of various inmates.  Did she have a dad?  A mom?  Did someone love her as a child?  Was someone attentive to this child?  How was this person raised?  Of course, I can speculate but I don’t know the answers to these questions.


I did leave this prison late Thursday afternoon grateful that I had spent some time there.  More than anything, it was a reminder that there are many people I give little thought to as I go about my life.  I thought about the story in Luke 14 of Jesus eating at the Pharisee’s house (where incidentally, he was being "watched").  Jesus said, "… But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed.  Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."  Jesus had a way of remembering the very people that others had forgotten.

I’m curious.  What comes to your mind when you think of forgotten people?  Any particular population of people?  Any particular situation?

****

Let me encourage you to read the comments from a post from last week.  These comments are outstanding.  (Please read them especially if you are involved in some sort of congregational ministry.)  You can read them here.

What Do You Think?

February 20, 2008 in Ministry with 33 Comments

coffee.jpgI am considering adding a page to this blog that will especially focus on some special needs for ministers/pastors/church leaders, etc.  What I have in mind is sort of a "First Aid" page.  (Such a page is not going to be "heart surgery" or a transplant.  I’m just not sure that a radical overhaul can be expected on a page of a blog.  Such a page will have limitations.  However, I really think that most ministers just need a nudge or two in the right direction.)  

 
Many people in these roles get into trouble and often need some direction or encouragement.  I do not think that a blog can replace real flesh-on-flesh relationship.  Many times we would like to talk with and just be with real people.  (I suppose you could take the expression "real people" in several different ways.)

 
I do think that a page might be useful by providing resources, offering a perspective, and planting a seed thought or two that might help someone get unstuck.

 
A few questions:  What do you think might be particularly beneficial to ministers who need help?   As you think about the trouble that pastors can get into (i.e., about to be fired over performance issues, immorality, dishonesty, laziness, family troubles, etc.), what especially concerns you?  What do you think might be of particular help to those in various church leadership roles?   

Places I’ve Been

February 19, 2008 in Spiritual Life with 6 Comments


A very interesting series entitled "Economic Status" by Michael Kruse.  See part 1 here.

 
Check out Mark Galli’s post "Why Kids Lie."

 
Read Arlene Kasselman on "An Enemy of the Cross."

 
A very nice post by Ted Gossard on "Living Sacrifices."

 
See L. L. Barkat’s very interesting and useful post "Golden Opportunity: Talk to Top Editors and Publishers."

 
Liam Byrnes’ tribute to his friend Oliver Foot: "Oliver Foot well remembered."

 
Read John Frye on "Steeple Envy."

Begin Your Week With Street-Level Faith

February 18, 2008 in Spiritual Formation, Spiritual Life with 8 Comments

coffee17_1.jpgA friend of mine has been doing inner-city ministry for over twenty-seven years.  He and his family began their ministry by moving into a very tough neighborhood.  A few years ago, I learned that my friend had a longtime relationship with the head football coach of the high school in our community.  I was in the school gym one day, saw the coach, and told him about my relationship with our mutual friend.  His reply?  "He’s a good man.  He’s got a street-level faith."

 
There is something about the phrase "street-level faith" that I like.  (I have written about this before.)  I suspect part of my appreciation for the phrase is rooted in its earthy feel.  It is a reminder to me that faith is not just fodder for discussion or debate.  Nor is faith just a topic for Sunday discussion.  Rather, it speaks to the way I live and where I find my identity.  

 
I am almost finished with Robert Mulholland’s book The Deeper Journey.  (The subtitle is: "The Spirituality of Discovering Your True Self.")  Yesterday, I came across this paragraph: 


Our false self, having removed the roots of our identity, meaning, value and purpose from loving union with God, sinks those roots into multiple alternative soils where we seek to find our identity, meaning, value, and purpose.  Among such soils are our sexuality, our possessions, our status, our profession, our performances, our relationships, our woundedness, our resentments, our bitterness, our culture, our ethnicity, our place (geographical, emotional, psychological), our intellect, our education, ad infinitum. (p. 111)

When I think about these "alternative soils," I think about the critical need in my own life, and perhaps yours, for a faith that is rooted in God and consequently my daily life as well.   It is possible to speak of God on Sunday (with all sincerity) but then root our lives elsewhere so that "our identity, meaning, value, and purpose" are actually coming from some other source.

 
So what difference does this make on a practical level?  It means that while I speak of God and say that I follow him, I actually treasure my possessions, status, profession, etc. more.  After all, this is where I am finding my identity and security.  If I do treasure these areas of my life more than I treasure God, I will have a greater passion toward these areas than I have toward God.  

 
(Memo to ministers/pastors/church leaders:  This can be very deceptive for those of us who serve in these roles.  It is possible to have a great passion for what we are doing every day and yet very little of that may actually be rooted in our passion for God.  For instance, a person in one of these roles may have a great passion for some aspect of ministry.  Yet, this passion may actually be rooted in the way we treasure our status, our sense of self-importance, or the attention that we are getting from others.  I may need to examine my motives.  I would like for my motives to be totally pure, but I know that my flesh, my pride, etc. can easily enter in to what are otherwise very good motives.  I want to live close to God so that the impure motives in my heart become apparent to me and are replaced by the desire to display God.  I want to get my life focused on God so that I begin to treasure him above all "alternative soils."  I pray that I will treasure him more than these.)

 
You might give this one some thought.  Think about where your life is rooted.   Can you relate to the deceptive pull of these "alternative soils"?

Life Can Be Difficult

February 15, 2008 in God with 12 Comments

12_3_cup_of_coffee.jpgYou know the feeling.  Just pick the word that most aptly describes you right now:

 
Discouraged.

 
Defeated.

 
Depressed.

 
Overwhelmed.

 
Exhausted.

 
Burdened.

 
Weary.

 
Frustrated. 

 
Confused.

 
Hopeless.

 
Lost.

 
Do you know these feelings?  At one time or another I think that one of these words could have described the way I felt.   Does one of these words describe the reality of your life right now?

 
Today, I was reading through a portion of Deuteronomy 33 in which Moses gives some parting words to the tribes of Israel.  I love these encouraging words:

 
There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides on the heavens to help you and on the clouds in his majesty.  The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.  (33:26-27)

 
Perhaps in spite of the way we feel, we actually have security and safety because God is holding us with his everlasting arms.  Maybe he really is a refuge we can count on regardless.  Perhaps when we are feeling as if we are losing our joy and our grip on things, maybe we can turn to God and savor what it means to be carried in his everlasting arms.

If I Could Start Over (part three)

February 13, 2008 in Spiritual Life with 5 Comments

coffee21.jpg
Hopefully I have learned a few things in my life as a Christ-follower, a husband, and a father.  I have also learned a few things through years of pastoral ministry with a few churches.  (See part one here and part two here.)

 
If I could start over given what I know now:

 
1.    I would know how important it is to take care of my body.  For whatever reason, many church leaders will give the utmost attention to their own spiritual formation while completely ignoring their physical health.  For years,  I ran a few miles each morning.  Now, I work out at a gym four days a week.  I am not attempting to prescribe something here.  Rather, I just want to emphasize the importance of being a good steward of my body.

 
2.   I would know that it is helpful to monitor my emotions.  In any given month, I will be with people as they are dying, talk with people who are suffering, and be with people who are encountering severe difficulties.  How does this affect me?  Do I create times to laugh, have fun, and enjoy life? This has been important for me.

 
3.   I would know that people are not always what they seem.  I have been guilty of "sizing up" people much too quickly only to learn later on just how wrong I was.

 
4.   I would know that I desperately need time in Scripture and prayer each day.  Writing in my journal a few days a week has been very helpful.

 
5.   I would know that to receive a kind word, hug, e-mail, or note is an act of grace.  I can’t tell you how valuable these moments have been in the middle of some very difficult days.

What Do Sons Need?

February 12, 2008 in Family/Marriage with 14 Comments

coffee.jpgA few days ago, I asked girls/women who read this blog to answer a question regarding what girls need from their parents.  If you are a father, I strongly encourage you to read the comments to that post.  You can read that post and the comments here. 

 
Today, I want to ask the boys/men who read this blog to respond to this question: "What does a son need from his dad?"  What does a son need from his mother?  Please answer this question regardless of your experience with your own mother or dad.


Again:  What does a son need from his father and mother?

What a Relief!

February 11, 2008 in God, Starting the Day with 18 Comments

images.jpgThis morning I woke up at about 5:00.  It was dark in our bedroom.  I put on the fleece jacket that was on the chair on my side of the bed and slipped out of the bedroom.  Once in the kitchen, I began making coffee.  I always enjoy the smell and taste of coffee early in the morning.

 
I opened my Bible to the book of Isaiah.  Chapter 46.  With a yellow marker in one hand, I began reading the chapter. 

Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth.

 
Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am he who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. 

 
To whom will you compare me or count me equal?  To whom will you liken me that we may be compared? . . .  (Isaiah 46:3-5)

I sipped the coffee and thought about these words.  After all, just days earlier I had told Charlotte that I felt overwhelmed.  You know that feeling.  You think about what you need to do, what should have been done yesterday, and feel tired just thinking about it.  Then I read these words,

 
". . . I am he, I am he who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." 

 
When I savor these words, when I let them soak in, I feel lighter.  No, the work doesn’t go away.  The problems don’t disappear.  However, the heaviness and gloominess that I might be consumed by becomes less dominate.  I am approaching a new day in which God has been at work long before I get to the office.  He has already been working on issues that overwhelm me.  My workload may feel overwhelming to me but that may be because I am focused on the work and not on him who sustains me. 

 
Regardless of what the week appears to hold, I can still expect to experience joy.   After all, experiencing joy is not dependent on having a perfect week.  Rather, it is rooted in the source of all joy — God himself.

 
Is this reality useful for you today as you begin your week?

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