Archive - February 4, 2008

If I Could Start Over (part two)

February 4, 2008 in Spiritual Life with 10 Comments

coffee.jpgIf I had known then what I know now.  

 
The other day I was thinking about what I have learned in thirty years of working with congregations.  There are some things I might do differently now if I were to start over.  (See part one here.)  If I were to start over with what I know now:

 
1.  I would know that I have other emotions inside me besides anger.  Like many other men, I was not aware of what was going on inside of me emotionally with the exception of anger.  I did not have a sense of fear, sadness, hurt, etc.  Were these emotions present?  Yes.  I just wasn’t always aware of them much less how to express them.

 
2.  I would know that it is possible to have my own thoughts, feelings, and opinions — regardless.  Far too many ministers deny these in order to please certain people in congregations.

 
3.  I would know that other people might be very upset about something and this may or may not be the real issue behind this anger.  For instance, a person might be very difficult to deal with in a meeting.  She might snap at someone or be insulting.  Yet often this anger may have little to do with the people in the room.  She may have problems at work, in her marriage, or may be deeply concerned about a health issue.  

 
4.  I would know that self-care is critical to ministry.  Far too many people just let themselves go spiritually, physically, and emotionally.  Healthy ministry is rooted in self-care.  I do no one a favor when I ignore my spiritual life, my health, and my relationships.

 
5.  I would know that loving people and pleasing people are not the same.  Many years ago, I really believed that if I did everything just right, then everyone would be happy.  Consequently, I became far too focused on the happiness of others with my work rather than loving them as Christ loved them. 

 
What would you add to these? 

41 Things Encouragers Ought to Know (part two of four)

February 4, 2008 in 41 Things... with 7 Comments

coffee15.jpgThe following is a continuation of a list of 41 things that might be helpful to encouragers.  (See part one here.)

 
11.  An encourager often doesn’t set out to be an encourager.  Rather, this person may simply be fully present in someone’s life.  God has used many a person to encourage another who had no idea of the significance of his presence.

 
12.  An encourager builds instead of criticizes.  Yes, there are times when a person might have to express a real concern to another.  However, that is likely to be received much better if it is expressed in the context of a relationship built on encouragement.

 
13.  An encourager has a way of communicating value to another instead of communicating that the person is inadequate or "less than."

 
14.  An encourager never loses sight of what another is doing right.  Some people become so focused on another’s failings that the person is left feeling hopeless.

 
15.  An encourager helps people make comebacks after they have failed.  (Remember in Acts, the story of John Mark deserting the mission team?  Barnabas was willing to give him another chance and work with him.)

 
16.  An encourager understands that people are often encouraged in various ways at different times.  For example, sometimes the most encouraging thing one can do is to listen to another.

 
17.  An encourager may be outgoing and gregarious.  Or, this person may be a person of few words.  God can use a person to encourage through his or her own personality through a word, a smile, a hug, or any number of ways.

 
18.  An encourager learns the value of paying attention to another.

 
19.  An encourager attempts to be genuinely empathetic.  

 
20.  An encourager communicates hope.  Far too many people live in environments in which they are regularly reminded of the many, many reasons why they will probably fail.

 
What else would you add to this list?