Archive - March, 2008

Seven Deadly Behaviors of Ministry (Part Three)

March 27, 2008 in Ministry with 6 Comments

coffee25.jpgThis is the third post in this series.  You might enjoy reading part 1 and part 2.

 
I am suggesting in these posts that there are behaviors ministers can engage in that are deadly to ministry in a church.  I am not suggesting that one might lose a ministry role or "get fired" over these behaviors.  Rather, I am saying that these behaviors rub against the very essence of what Christian ministry is about. 

 
The following are the remaining two deadly behaviors in this series:

 
6.  Fail to behave in such a way so that people experience a healthy space in relationships.  At one end of the spectrum, there are some ministers who seem to offer very little if any space in their relationships.  They practically smother people.  If you wish to have relationship with them, you must see things their way.  You need to agree with them or that is interpreted as not being "supportive."   These people are this minister’s supporters.  They don’t question.  They don’t offer alternative proposals.  In this minister’s mind, friendship means that these people are all for whatever he might say.  I recall a minister who one day was being asked several questions about his ministry.  These by no means were hostile questioners.  In fact, some of those asking questions were very good friends with this man.  Finally, it came time for this man to speak.  He said, "Why is everyone against me?"  In his mind, real friendship was to not be asked questions such as these.

 
At the other end of the spectrum is the minister who creates too much space.  He will allow no one to get near him.  He carefully holds his cards close to his vest.  He communicates to the people: "I really don’t trust you."  Now some may have good reason for this.  When a minister and his family have been severely injured by other Christians, they may be very likely to keep their guard up.  Nevertheless, ministry cannot be sustained when the minister refuses to have significant relationship with anyone.

 
7.  Feel as if you are entitled to do what you want to do.  "I work hard.  This church doesn’t pay me enough.  After all that I go through, I am entitled to a few things."  Maybe this means looking at a porn site on the Internet.  Perhaps this means watching an "adult" movie in a hotel room while away on a trip.  This could mean feeling as if he is entitled to an emotional affair with someone within the church.  ("After all, I didn’t do anything physical.  It’s not like I killed someone.")

 
Such a spirit of entitlement not only can lead a person down a very immoral road but it also reveals a spirit of arrogance that places the self above and beyond whatever it is that God desires or wants.

 
Are there any other behaviors that you would add to this list? 

Moving on in spite of . . .

March 26, 2008 in Jesus, Spiritual Life with 13 Comments

coffee11.jpgI got home yesterday evening after being away two days for a funeral.

 
This particular funeral was for the 37-year-old daughter of friends from our church.  She lived in the Dallas area, was married and the mother of a 13-month-old boy.  She had coached for many years in the Dallas area.  The funeral was yesterday morning at the large Baptist church where they were members.  I enjoyed being with their pastor and meeting other ministers of that church as well.

 
I don’t ever get used to speaking at a funeral.  I don’t know how to be disengaged when I am participating in a funeral.  If that were to ever happen, I would probably be very, very concerned.  There is so much that rises to the surface when someone dies.  I often become more aware of my own mortality and the brevity of my own life when I am doing a funeral.  This doesn’t just happen at the funeral itself but when I am meeting with the family (in preparation for the funeral) as well as when I am around others who are grieving.

 
Being present at a funeral often brings to the surface the grief that you have regarding the death of this loved one.    Yet, the grief can be even more than this.  Being present at a funeral (or the visitation the night before the funeral) will often bring to the surface the grief you might have regarding other areas of life:
 

  • Grief over the death of the family you once knew.  Maybe the relationship between you and your sister or brother is strained.  Perhaps you are even estranged from a member of your family.  Maybe you just realize that things are not going to be the same again.
  • Grief over the physical death of your own father, mother, brother, sister.
  • Grief over the death of other significant relationships in your life.  Longtime friendships that are broken.  Bridges that have been burned with people who at one time meant so much to you. 
  • Grief that is with you when you must live with a sense of deep loss over anything that has been really significant to you. 

Does this make any sense?

 
What I have just described is not only what I have witnessed during times of death.  I have experienced this as well.  My own grief over significant losses becomes fresh again.  No, this does not happen at every funeral that I go to or that I participate in.  However, this does happen very often.

 
The good news is that this grief is a reminder that none of us can manage life.  We can’t control when and how people live or die.  We can’t always do something about the losses we experience.  We can’t make life work the way we believe it should or ought to work.  In short, we just can’t fix life.
 
I have learned that grief is a stark reminder of my need for Jesus, the one who brings a life that can’t be dampened by loss or cut short by death.  In short, Jesus is greater than loss or death.  I have found that walking with him is the hope for experiencing real life that doesn’t end.   

 

I’m curious.  What are some of the significant losses for which people in general grieve?  Is there one of these losses that you especially relate to? 

Hope for the Week

March 24, 2008 in Encouragement, Jesus with 6 Comments

coffee16.jpg
When we love another, we communicate with words the thoughts and intentions of our hearts.  Some words go a long way toward nurturing and encouraging another.  Some of the words and phrases that can be extremely nurturing and encouraging to another include:

 
I love you.

I am proud of you.

Well done!

You are just right.

Thank you.

I am sorry. I apologize.

 

When we hear these words from people who really matter to us, they count.  Maybe your mom or dad says, "I am very proud of you" or "well done."  Maybe your wife or husband says, "I love you."   Your husband or wife says, “I love you.”  Your dad or mom says “I am proud of you” or “well done.”  Perhaps your child says to you, “Thank you."  Maybe one of your dearest friends says, "I am so sorry. I apologize for what I said."   We hear these words and they soak in.

 

Yesterday, as I read Matthew 28:1-10 to our church, I thought all over again about the importance of the words by the angel to the women who had come to the tomb of Jesus: "He is not here; he has risen" (Matt. 28:6). 

I have no idea how many times I have read these words.  I have no idea how many times I have heard others quote or make reference to these words.  Yet, reading this text afresh was encouraging, nurturing, and promising.

 

Why are such familiar words so encouraging?  Perhaps, in part, this is because the resurrection of Jesus stands in contrast to the realities that you and I experience most every week.  I think of situations I have been near in the past month: a young mother’s death, cancer in a young man, looking into the eyes of young children who have experienced a parent moving out of their home, a person whose existence is centered around a drug, etc.  The list goes on and on with the stark reality of life in this world.

 
Breaking into all of this is the promise that Jesus himself is alive and giving life to all who will come to him.

 
Now that is hope!

Seven Deadly Behaviors of Ministry (Part Two)

March 20, 2008 in Spiritual Life with 16 Comments

coffeebeans.jpgEarlier this week, I began a brief series that I am calling "Seven Deadly Behaviors of Ministry."  (You can read part one here.)  These are behaviors that will greatly hamper a person’s effectiveness in ministry.  Yet, the issue is greater than something pragmatic.  Rather, some of these behaviors push against the kind of integrity and life that God has called upon us to experience and live.

 
The next two deadly behaviors:

 
4.  Pay little attention to your own spiritual life.  I first noticed this many years ago.  It is possible to read books, read journal articles, listen to Christian messages, etc. about matters pertaining to the Christian faith or to the church and yet pay little attention to your own spiritual life.  It is possible to be a student in seminary and read much literature about the Bible and yet rarely read the Bible itself for your own formation.  (This is not a swipe at seminary.  It is simply an acknowledgment of the struggle that many have experienced.)

 
It is critical that I pay attention to my own formation into the image of Christ.  Do I intentionally practice spiritual disciplines that help cultivate my heart and life for what God wishes to do in me?

 
One of the dangers of serving as a minister is that it can become a "job."  If I am not careful, I can find myself speaking to the church about spiritual matters that are not part of my own life.  In other words, there is a real disconnect between my life and what I am teaching. 

 
Very regularly as I prepare Sunday messages or Bible class presentations, I will reflect upon this question: "How am I doing with this truth in my own life?"  Am I seriously attempting to apply this to my life?

 
5.  Fail to love the congregation.  Does the church, the congregation that I serve, sense that I love them?  Or, am I forever communicating to them that they just don’t measure up?  Do these people sense that I love them or do they sense that the only people I really love are those who agree with me or see things as I do?  Do these people see me as a part of the church family who needs their ministry or do they see me as one who sees himself as above the church’s ministry?  How do I talk about these people when they just don’t seem to "get it"?  Do I speak about them with sarcasm, put-downs, and derogatory remarks, or do I speak of them with endearment, even when they may be causing me frustration or pain? 

 
Finally, how do I speak of these people when they are not around.  Do I communicate one thing to them on a Sunday morning in the assembly but speak very differently when I am with my close friends? 

 
What would you add to these? 

 
More later. 

Seven Deadly Behaviors of Ministry (Part One)

March 18, 2008 in Ministry with 25 Comments

coffee_cup_424.jpgI have been thinking about mistakes that one can make in a ministry which are deadly.  No, I don’t mean deadly in that a person could get reprimanded or even fired over these behaviors (though that is possible).  Rather, I am suggesting that these are behaviors that rob us and our congregations of everything that ministry is supposed to be.  These are behaviors that can wreck a ministry in a church.

 
1.  Regularly violate the confidence of others.  A fast way to lose the trust and the credibility of a church is to communicate what others have told you in private conversation.  I once heard a person say, "If you don’t want it spread throughout the church, don’t tell him!"  She was talking about her minister.  That is very sad.

 
Conversation is a sacred trust.  Men and women will often express thoughts, concerns, feelings, ideas, etc. through these conversations.  On more than one occasion I have asked myself, "If I were to repeat what ___ said to me in conversation, would he/she be shocked or hurt that I told this?  I have found that simply reflecting on this question has curtailed the temptation to talk when I should not.

 
2.  Let yourself go.  Pay no attention to your speech or your conduct.  Practice little if any self-discipline.  Don’t exercise or make any effort to stay fit.  Be a poor steward of your body.  Pay no attention to any need for restraint when it comes to spending.  Buy what you want even if it means that you are accumulating credit card debt.  Does your spending reflect a life that values wisdom or does it reflect slavery to immediate gratification? 

 
The reality?  When I pay little or no attention to these kinds of things, my credibility with others may begin to suffer.  After all, what does it say when I choose to ignore my daily life before the Lord while I encourage others to get serious about their own daily discipleship?   (I may argue that my credibility should not suffer but the reality is that it often does.)

 
3.  Fail to invest in relationships.  There are some people who make little investment in their marriages or in the lives of their children.  They then wonder why these relationships often suffer deeply at a later point in time.  How many ministers have failed to really invest in relationships in the church and then under pressure and stress realize that the connection with the church is really only superficial?  How many ministers have gone into churches connecting with those who agree with them and remaining disconnected from those who differ with them over some issue or approach to ministry?

 
(Note: There are many, many people who have never seen a healthy marriage up close.  Some of these same people have never seen a healthy parent/child relationship up close.  There are others who have never really seen healthy friendships up close.  Through no fault of their own, many of these people grew up in homes where none of these were modeled.  I have married couples where the bride or groom had never been a part of a family where a wife or husband function in a healthy manner.  (I want to suggest that it might be very, very helpful to seek out good models of what it means to have good, healthy, Christian relationships.)

 
Earlier this afternoon, I called the 800 number of a firm that handles credit cards for an on-line travel service.  I called the number because I received an e-mail yesterday telling me that I owed an amount on their credit card.  Hmmm.  I don’t even have their credit card.  Well, this was frustrating.    

 
When I called the 800 number, I received an automated voice message that said, "Please continue to hold for the next relationship manager."  I am not sure what the credit card company meant by "relationship manager";  however, there are times when I wish I had one.  After all, investing in our relationships is very important.

 
More later… 

I’m interested in what you are thinking.  What would you add to these "Deadly Behaviors of Ministry"?

Places I’ve Been

March 17, 2008 in Places I've Been... with 2 Comments

coffee_cup.jpgAmericans on Sin (Research done by the Ellison Corp.  I first saw this on Mark Roberts’ blog.) 

 
C. J. Mahaney on "The Pastor Evaluating the Health of His Soul"

 
A very good post by Dan Kimball: "Thinking about St. Patrick the Missionary"

 
A thought-provoking article by Andy Rowell on the use of technology

 
Ben Witherington comments on Bart Ehrman’s new book: God’s Problem.

 
Mark Galli has written an interesting post on "Why Kids Lie."

 
William Willimon has written a fine piece entitled "Who But the Church Will Tell Such Truth?"

 
Check out John Stackhouse’s "The Reality of Sex."

Scot McKnight posts an interesting letter (be sure to read the comments): "A Father, A Son, and Some Doubt."

 
See this Tim Keller presentation at The University of California, Berkeley. 

Thanks for Your Comments

March 15, 2008 in Spiritual Life with 0 Comments

coffee17_1.jpgAt the end of most every post, you will see the word "comments."  Many of you regularly leave comments on these posts.  (If you wish to do so, just double-click on the word "comments" and it will allow you to not only view the comments that others have left but will give you the opportunity to leave a comment as well.)

 
Some of the people who comment have their own blogs (though many people who comment do not have blogs).  Try moving your cursor over their name.  If you see a hand when the cursor is over their name, you can double-click and usually get to their blog.  Let me encourage you to look at some of these very fine blogs.  I have discovered some good blogs through people who have left comments here.

 
Some of you who have left comments in the last month include: J of Mo, Adam, Matthew, Liam, Jennifer, Kristine, Connie, Kinney, Ben, Kristen, Michelle, Dusty, Tim, Brad, Darryl, Darin, James, Jeff, Wayne, Wayne, Ted, Drew, Steve, Becky, Arlene, John, Wendy, Bill, Bill, Chris, John F., Scot, Lorene, Sam, Stephanie, Alison, Rachel, Gary, Chad, Jonas, Aaron, and more. 

 
Thanks very much.   

Excerpt from “The Reason for God”

March 13, 2008 in Books with 3 Comments

Keller.jpgI have been reading Tim Keller’s excellent book The Reason for God.  (The subtitle is: Belief in an Age of Skepticism.)  Now this is a book I am enjoying.  In the first part of the book, Keller responds to questions and objections regarding Christianity that he has often received in the context of his ministry in New York City.  Some of these objections include:
 

  • There Can’t Be Just One True Religion
  • How Could a Good God Allow Suffering?
  • Christianity Is a Straitjacket
  • The Church Is Responsible for So Much Injustice
  • How Can a Loving God Send People to Hell?
  • Science Has Disproved Christianity
  • You Can’t Take the Bible Literally

The second part of the book discusses some reasons for faith.  This book has been very enjoyable.  Reading Tim Keller at times reminds me of reading C. S. Lewis.  He is a thinker with a heart for ministry.

 
The following is an excerpt from chapter four in which Keller responds to charges that the church is responsible for so much injustice:


Christian theology also speaks of the seriously flawed character of real Christians.  A central message of the Bible is that we can only have a relationship with God by sheer grace.  Our moral efforts are too feeble and falsely motivated to ever merit salvation.  Jesus, through his death and resurrection, has provided salvation for us, which we receive as a gift.  All churches believe this in one form or another.  Growth in character and changes in behavior occur in a gradual process after a person becomes a Christian.  The mistaken belief that a person must "clean up" his or her own life in order to merit God’s presence is not Christianity.  This means, though, that the church will be filled with immature and broken people who still have a long way to go emotionally, morally, and spiritually.  As the saying has it: "The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints."  (pp. 53-54)

If Keller is right, regarding the church containing those who are "immature and broken," then why do so many of us go to such great lengths to hide our imperfections and our flaws?

Embarrassing

March 12, 2008 in Spiritual Life with 11 Comments

coffee19.jpgThis is embarrassing.

 
I would just as soon you not read this.   What I am writing about concerns one of the most embarrassing aspects of my life.

 
My ego.

 
Years ago, I was sitting in the cafeteria at Pepperdine University.  I was there for their annual Bible Lectures.  (Something like the National Pastors Convention recently held in San Diego.  Or, you might think about a very large seminar.)  I was eating breakfast and sitting across from a minister who is now considered to be one of the finest preachers in Churches of Christ. 

 
We were talking about his former congregation.  A search committee from this congregation had contacted me about moving and beginning a new ministry with them.   Their former minister was telling me about the church and was expressing that he was glad they were interested in me.  As we were talking, another minister came by our table and said to me, "I happen to  know that such and such church wants to talk with you about working with them."  The friend I had been visiting with looked at me and said, "Boy, Jim, you seem to be a hot item."

 
Now let me quickly tell you that I certainly didn’t see myself in those terms.  In fact, I even feel embarrassed right now as I  type these words.  My point for relating this is to say:   His words massaged my ego.  For a few moments I felt important, worthwhile, and significant.  The problem was that I was gaining these feelings from what others thought of me (or what I imagined they thought).  I remember even comparing myself to others and thinking about their shortcomings (now that is sad).

 
When a person is depending on others for these ego strokes, it is very easy to become arrogant.  However, when they don’t come, it is also easy to feel low, unappreciated, and worthless.  What if people are not interested in my ministry?  What if they do not think I am gifted, intelligent, a good speaker, or a good church builder?  If I depend upon these people and their affirmation for my sense of self-worth, I will probably come to the point where I feel as if I am not worth very much.  Perhaps more importantly, I will be getting my sense of self-worth some place besides God.

 
I love Paul’s words in II Corinthians 1:8-11:


We do not want you to be
uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province
of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to
endure, so that we despaired even of life.  Indeed,
in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we
might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.  He
has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On
him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

Paul spoke of the troubles and sufferings that brought great pressure to his life.  He says that they were under great pressure "… far beyond our ability to endure …."  He went on to say that "this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."   How true!

 
I later learned that who I am as a child of God and as a minister has nothing to do with how good a Christian I might be or how good a minister I might be.  It has nothing to do with how much I am noticed or recognized by others.  It has nothing to do with whether or not I am successful in the eyes of my peers or other people who might be watching.

 
Who I am has everything to do with what God thinks of me.  It has everything to do with understanding that, no matter what, my ministry is far beyond my ability to do this on my own.  My life and work are not about proving to others that I am adequate and able.   Rather, it is about relying on God who raises the dead.  My hope is not on finding the right church or getting recognized in some way that might stroke my ego.  My hope is in the only one who is worthy of my complete reliance.

Do you relate to this at all?  Do you find yourself listening too much to what people say about you and either feeling self-important or self-condemning?  Is this familiar territory? 

Jim Bakker, a Surprise Phone Call, and an Opportunity to Think

March 10, 2008 in Ministry, Spiritual Life with 18 Comments

CoffeeCup_BW_1.JPGShe said, "You won’t ever guess who I talked with this afternoon."  She and her husband told me this as I stood in their living room.

 
She was right.  I had no idea.  I did think she had probably talked with her young son who was in a federal prison.  Her son had been convicted and was serving time for drug-related charges.  

This mother, a member of our church, tried to keep me abreast on how her son seemed to be doing in prison.  She regularly asked me to pray for him.  Since his imprisonment, he seemed to be making some good decisions and was trying to stay out of trouble.  Anyway, her son had called that day and said that he and a new friend had just taken a walk through the prison yard.  The son and this friend had some very encouraging conversations as they talked about their lives and God.

 
Finally, he told his mother that his new friend would like to talk with her.  The voice on the other end said, "Mrs. Smith?  This is Jim Bakker."   (This took place in the late 80s.  Most everyone who kept up with the national news was familiar with that name.)

 
As she told me that story, I  couldn’t believe what I had just heard.

 
Jim Bakker?

 
Yes, that Jim Bakker.  Again, his name was well-known throughout the world after a very public scandal.  He had been convicted and sentenced to prison for allegedly defrauding (24 counts of fraud) his listeners of $158 million.  When she said his name, I thought of the trial and the conviction.  I thought of the prosperity gospel he had preached on television through what was then "PTL."  On one occasion, while in Charlotte, North Carolina, I  actually drove to the Heritage USA theme park that he and his wife, Tammy, owned.  I walked through the luxurious hotel and then through the mall connected to that hotel.  All of this built by the supporters of their ministry.  I had a very negative impression of this man, his wife, and their ministry.

 
So when she mentioned Jim Bakker, her son, and this telephone conversation, I listened with great concern. 

 
She went on to tell me the rest of the brief conversation.  Bakker told her that she really did have a fine son.  He said that he and her son would take long walks through the prison yard, talking about God, life, and the Bible.  She said that at one point Bakker said to her, "I just want you to know that your son is doing OK.  He really is."

 
As we stood in the living room and talked, she went on to tell me how thankful she was for the kindness of Jim Bakker during that telephone conversation.  He seemed to genuinely want to reassure her that her son was OK.  She then said to me, "You know, he didn’t have to do that."

 
I thought about this conversation.  There was no press around.  This conversation did not take place behind microphones.  No cameras.  No one knew about this conversation except for this mother and the man on the other end of the telephone. 

 
I began to realize that I had taken an either/or approach to Bakker and so many other people.  My attitude was, "Since you are doing all of these things that are wrong, since you have swindled these people, etc., then you really are incapable of any good thing."   Period.

 
What I realized on that day was that Jim Bakker had done a very kind thing for this woman in our church.  And, it was OK to acknowledge that this was a good deed.  Of course, I am not suggesting that a good deed lessens the pain caused by someone’s past wrongs.  I am not saying that one ought to forget another’s misdeeds if that person does a good deed.  I am simply saying that it is OK to acknowledge what is.  It is OK to acknowledge a good deed.

 
Since then I have tried to learn from this incident.  It is so easy to differ with someone over their behavior or beliefs, etc. and then completely demonize them as incapable of any good thing.  We see this in public discourse on a regular basis.  Some who identify with one political party (it doesn’t matter which party) may find it difficult to believe that someone of another political party might do or say something good, noble or honorable.  On a personal level, we sometimes can be so upset with a person that we completely dismiss any good that person might otherwise do or say.   The truth is that it is OK to acknowledge what is.   It is OK to acknowledge a good deed wherever you may find it.

 
On a personal level, do you ever find yourself becoming so angry with another person that you can’t imagine that person doing anything good?  Have you ever found yourself so frustrated with a fellow worker or perhaps someone at church that you will not acknowledge a good deed?

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