Archive - August, 2008

What Many Busy People Really Want

August 28, 2008 in Stress with 12 Comments

busy_1.jpgYou don’t have to go far to find busy people.  I look at my calendar and I feel busy.  Now I don’t say that to suggest any sense of self-importance.  Rather, when I look at a day and see that I am committed to be in a certain place or see a certain person, that represents time and energy that is flowing somewhere.  

 

Now think about seven days like that.  These days have a way of compounding so that a busy day becomes a busy week which becomes a busy month.

 

I look at my calendar and realize:

 

  • I have phone calls to make and various individuals that I need to meet with.
  • I need to get the oil changed in my car.
  • I need to check out getting a new computer for our house.
  • Several bills are due.  (Even paying these online still requires some energy and attention.)
  • I have to take my car to the body shop to get an estimate.

Now I am no busier than anyone else.  However, my days do feel busy.  There is a lot going on.  If I am not careful, I can become very busy without really ever living.  It is something that I have to watch very closely.

 

Maybe you resonate with these words from Mark Buchanan in his book The Rest of God:

Most of us feel utterly ransacked.  We are waylaid by endless demands and stifling routines.  Even our vacations have a panicky, task-like edge to them.  "If I only had more time," is the mantra of our age.  But is this the real problem?

 

Widely acclaimed author Mark Buchanan states that what we’ve really lost is "the rest of God — the rest God bestows and, with it, that part of himself we can know only through stillness."  We have forgotten the ancient wisdom, rooted in God’s own rhythm of work and rest, of Sabbath.  Sabbath is elixir and antidote.  It is a gift for our sanity and wholeness — to prolong our lives, to enrich our relationships, to increase our fruitfulness, to make our joy complete.  Sabbath restores our bent and withered parts.  

I suspect that what many busy people really want is a place to be quiet and rest — a place to commune with God.  I suspect that what many busy people want is a pause that is long enough for the self to be able to think and feel deeply.

People Who Pray

August 27, 2008 in Prayer with 4 Comments

Prayer_Lookout2.jpgI first spoke with this man seventeen years ago. 

 
He is a long time minister.  He called one day when I was in my office in Kansas City, Missouri and said, "I want to recommend you to a wonderful church."  The church to which he referred was a good church, in another part of Missouri, that he had served for many years.  His ministry there had not only made a significant difference in the church but in that community as well.  We discussed this for a few minutes and then he told me that he would be praying about the opportunity.

 
He went on to tell me about how he had prayed a number of years earlier while he and his family were living in California.  He told me about having the opportunity to move to that church and spending time in prayer regarding that possibility.  I was impressed at how he prayed regarding this situation.

 
We moved but to Waco, Texas instead of the other church.  About a year after we moved here, a routine visit to the doctor revealed that I had a large tumor very near the top of my spine.  I went into the hospital for surgery.  One of the first things that I remember after getting out of surgery was this minister calling and praying for me over the telephone.  I was deeply moved.  I had never had such an experience.  (The tumor was benign and there have been no further issues with this.)

 
However, because of the close proximity to this minister, we were able to have lunch together on a number of occasions over the years and developed a friendship.  This man has been an encourager for many years.

 
Last night, I talked with his son who lives in the Nashville, Tennessee area.  His son was a part of our church in Kansas City.  We had not talked in a long time.  We talked about our families, our children, the past and the future.  At one point, I talked for a few minutes and then he responded.  His response was interesting.  He said,  "This is something that I will pray about."  I could hear in his voice that this was a very genuine, thoughtful response.  He was serious.  

 
I thought of his father some years ago.  I thought of the conversation last night.  That father and that son are people who pray.  I wonder how this father influenced his son to be a person of prayer?  I wonder how prayer became so important to him?  I wonder what he might have seen in his father? 

One Morning I Haven’t Forgotten

August 25, 2008 in Books, Ministry with 3 Comments

Graham.jpgWe were in St. Louis.  Our entire family was staying at an older Radisson hotel downtown.  As I recall, we were living in Kansas City at the time.  It seems like we were traveling to Alabama.  As I recall, we left late one evening from Kansas City with plans to spend the night in St. Louis.

 
Anyway, I recall waking up very early the next morning.  I slipped out of the room trying not to awaken Charlotte or my two daughters.  On my way out of the room I took with me William Martin’s biography of Billy Graham,  A Prophet With Honor: The Billy Graham Story.   I remember sitting at a small table outside the hotel for the next few hours reading story after story of Graham’s life.  I’m not sure why I remember this so clearly, but I do.  I remember the coolness of the early morning, drinking coffee that someone from the hotel had made, and being absolutely mesmerized by these stories.

 
What impacted me so profoundly on that morning was the integrity of this man.  The genuineness of this man came through in story after story.  Person after person he had worked with for many years spoke of his integrity and trustworthiness.  Now I’m not sure why this impacted me so strongly.  I suspect some of this had to do with a few instances in which I had been disappointed by people whom I had admired and then later found out had a secret immoral lifestyle.  It was not that this man was flawless.  It was simply that he was authentic.  That morning took place about seventeen years ago.  Yet, it remains significant.

 
Can you recall a moment like this one in which you later realized that this was a significant marker in your faith walk?  How has that moment made a difference in your life? 

Places I’ve Been

August 22, 2008 in Places I've Been... with 1 Comment

A very nice post by John Frye: "When Old People Speak."  This is a short piece but says much.  (Yes, I know it was posted at the end of July but I somehow missed it then.)

 
Subversive Influence has a good post entitled "3 Leadership Lessons from John 3."  I really like the following paragraph:

 
Leaders may often allow their own needs to be met through their
ministry to others.  In being “needed” by the church, they find their
own significance and use this to build themselves up in their mind.
This is not the place to find one’s worth and significance,
as it drives the need to be engaged in the lives of others,
transferring the benefit of the relationship from the parishioner to
the minister.  Again, this is a recipe for disaster that has caused pain
and hurt to those in the pews as the pastor discards them to move on to
another based on his own need to “help” others.  This must be selfless,
always bearing in mind that the actions are on behalf of others.

 
Darryl Dash, "There Was a Time When the Church was Very Powerful."  A great quote from MLK Jr. 

 
David Fitch has written a very interesting post entitled "When They Will Not Come."  This is his opening line in this post:

 
Here’s the first of many more posts on the subject of "When They Will
Not Come": Church-planting, church-pastoring and church-life as it is
AFTER the "attractional" nature of the church has disappeared in society…

 
Scot McKnight has written a piece for Out of Ur entitled "The Wright Brothers (In Christ)"  (reflections on two books by N. T. Wright and Christopher Wright).

 
Michael Hyatt, President and CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers, gives tips to first-time writers. 

 
Arlene Kasselman has some very good questions for reflection in "When the Well is Dry." 

A Forgotten Treasure

August 21, 2008 in Encouragement with 7 Comments

tree.jpgA friend of mine wrote me a rather sad note.  He said that some seem to think that he is "over the hill," "out of touch," and "past his time."  He feels as if he is no longer valued.  This man has white hair and is in his early seventies.  What is ironic about this is that this man has continued to grow, develop, and change.  He has much to offer.  He has held leadership roles in a number of different sectors including the university and business. 

 
This isn’t the first conversation that I have had with someone who feels this way.  In fact, there have been many.  What is happening here?  Could it be that a number of us have forgotten that some of these people may in fact be treasures?  Could it be that we might gain much through a mentoring relationship with such a man?

 
A number of years ago, a friend of mine was about sixty-one years old and suffering from poor health.  He had been a church leader and outstanding preacher for many years.  For several years, he had been suffering from poor health.  Cancer.  Heart disease.  Parkinson’s.   The medication, the diseases, and a few other factors contributed to my friend’s loss of confidence. 

 
On one occasion he was invited to participate in a forum to discuss a mission opportunity.  He was hesitant to go.  In fact, he was very hesitant because his confidence had really been shaken.  I sensed that he felt weak physically and that impacted the way he felt emotionally.  However, he decided to go.  He flew to a large city where the small group of people met in the meeting room of an airport hotel. 

 
At one point, my friend decided to make a comment.  He did so with some hesitation.  No sooner did he make his comment than another man quickly dismissed it as irrelevant.

 
Almost immediately, after this man spoke, a man in the group who was the former president of a large Christian college asked for the attention of everyone in the room.  He began to speak and pointed to my friend.  He said regarding my friend’s comment, "He is exactly right and has pointed out some very important concerns."  

 
Later in the day, the forum dismissed and the participants all went home.  My friend went away encouraged by this man who would stand with him and affirm what he had said.

 
Do you know of a person in who is a forgotten treasure?   What do we lose when we disregard such people?

Marriage: What I’ve Learned at 30 Years (Part 5)

August 20, 2008 in Family/Marriage with 5 Comments

marriage.jpgThere is much I have learned and continue to learn after being married for thirty years.  (You can read part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, and part 4 here.)  I really do mean continue to learn. 

 
After all, while there is much about marriage that is the same after so many years, there is also so much that is different.  For instance, I have never been married to a person my wife’s age before.  (I didn’t mention her age.)  Nor has she ever been married to a person my age.   We no longer have children at home.  That makes a difference as well.  While there is much sameness after this many years, there are also many changes as well.

 
A few things I’ve learned about marriage:

 
1.  Forgiveness is critical.  After all, two imperfect human beings are attempting to share life together.  I can look back and recall so much that I wish I could do over.  At times, my behavior reflected self-centeredness, insensitivity, and immaturity.  Being married has reminded me of how desperately I need not only my spouse’s forgiveness but God’s forgiveness. 

 
2.  There is much to be said for just simply learning to pay attention to one’s spouse.  Isn’t that true of so much of life?  For example, I have found that there is much to be enjoyed by just paying attention to the birds as they eat from our feeders in the morning.  I can see them just outside our kitchen window.  

 
Simply paying attention to Charlotte goes a long way.  Perhaps this is so obvious that you are almost yawning at this point.  Sorry, but it took me a long time to really understand the significance of this.  Why is this challenging for so many of us?  Because many other things clamor for our attention.  Yet, I have found this to be important and so very satisfying — to her and to me as well.

 
3.  We can never supply for one another that which only God can provide.  Far too often, two empty people will put tremendous pressure on one another to give something they just don’t have to give.  A couple may put tremendous pressure on their marriage and on one another by demanding that the other make him or her "happy."  So often the unhappiness or lack of joy goes much deeper than an unfulfilling marriage.  I believe there is a wholeness that only God can supply and no other human being ever can.  Understanding this can take pressure off a marriage and free both people up to love, forgive, and enjoy one another. 

 
I would enjoy hearing what you have learned either in your own marriage or from observing others.

Make a Difference: Five Important Expectations

August 18, 2008 in Spiritual Life, Starting the Day with 7 Comments

coffee_cup_white.jpgI’ve been thinking this morning about expectations :
 

  • I suppose some of this comes out of a week of watching the Olympics in Beijing.  One athlete wins a bronze medal and is ecstatic!  Another wins a bronze and tosses it away.  So much of these reactions have to do with expectations. 
  • Saturday evening, I watched Rick Warren interview both Barack Obama and John McCain.  I wasn’t sure what to expect.  Rick Warren went beyond my expectations for the evening.
  • I was in conversation with a man not long ago.  I noticed that most of his comments were laced with cynicism.  It occurred to me later just how low his expectations were of people and even life itself.
  • The other day, I received a nice note from a guy I recently met.  I had no idea that he would take the time to write such a note.  It was very nice.  This went far beyond my expectations.

I’ve noticed this.  Some people have very low expectations of most everything.  They don’t expect much from life, themselves or God.  They have a way of putting a twist on most anyone’s comment so that the negative is emphasized.

 
It is Monday morning.  What do I expect from the day or the week?

 
1.  Expect to see beauty.  Your expectations matter.  Some people wake up in the morning and they see everything that is negative on their way to work.  Others notice that flowers are blooming, birds are chirping, and the sunrise is beautiful.  For a number of years, I missed this!  In recent years, I have tried to be more conscious of the beauty that is all around me.  

 
2.  Expect to do something positive today that will enrich someone else’s life.  Maybe you don’t have the most exciting job.  Perhaps you are troubled by what is going on at work.  Yet, I have found that in the middle of a mess, God can use me to brighten someone’s day in a small way.  

 
3.  Expect to speak in ways that bring hope and joy to someone else.  So many people speak in ways that are draining and disheartening.  They look for the negative and go on and on about it.  They are cynical of other people.  They have a way of questioning someone’s motives, good works, etc.    

 
4.  Expect to brighten someone’s day by being gracious.   Do you know just how important this is?   Someone’s world can be made a little brighter by hearing another say "Thank you" or "Good job."  I have really tried to be conscious of this.  I have found that so many people rarely hear this and appear to be amazed when they hear these words.  (By the way, it is important that people who serve and use their gifts in various churches hear this as well.  A person who has been teaching 5 year olds for years and years might appreciate a "thank you.")

 
5.  Expect God to be at work.  Far too often my own expectations of God have been far too low and my expectations of people have been far too high.  Not good.  Does this mean that I understand what God is up to at any given moment?  No.  I don’t have to reduce God to the level of my understanding and comprehension.  At the same time, I believe that the God of the Bible is a God who is active.

 
What about your own expectations?  What expectations have become a part of your thinking? 

Those Dirty Little Realities of Life

August 15, 2008 in Spiritual Life with 4 Comments

This morning I was reading a book on Ecclesiastes entitled A Table in the Mist, by Jeffrey Meyers.  I came across this paragraph:

 

"Modern Christmas seasons provide us with little more than sentimental, syrupy niceness and nice thoughts about a mistily-glowing baby Jesus.  All we are left with is the commoditization of vague religious sentimentalism.  There is no spiritual power in this.   What’s worse, because of this the Christian faith seems, to many in our culture, little more than an attempt to stir up comforting religious feelings to mask one’s real troubles in the world.  But this is so far removed from the Bible and genuine Christianity that it has to be considered another religion, one that plays make-believe with the dirty realities of this life."  (p. vii) 

I like the way Meyers expresses this.  I do think that at times we want to somehow mask our real troubles in the world and sometimes do that through stirring up just the right mix of religious feelings.  Unfortunately, far too often religious people have played "…make-believe with the dirty realities of this life."

 
Earlier, I was thinking about some of the conversations and interactions I have had with people this week.  These remind me of some of the "dirty realities of this life."
 

  • I did two funerals this week.  Two different families.  Two different life situations.  Talking with families after a death, I am often reminded of the complexity of life.
  • I spoke with several people this week about family issues.  Good people trying to be a family to spouses, parents, in-laws, and their children.
  • The wife of a good friend of mine is in ICU after a stroke this week.  She is 48 years old.  He waits and waits in the ICU waiting room.
  • A young man and his wife are at M. D. Anderson where he battles cancer.  He is in his early twenties.  They have a new baby.

These are just a few of the "dirty realities of this life."  I do not believe that faith means that we are dismissive about these realities or that we quickly trot out a one-liner that in some way is supposed to fix or take care of these situations.  If anything, these kinds of behaviors on the part of Christian people, and in particular Christian leaders, have a way of shutting down any future honest conversation.

 
Far better to love people through all these difficulties, confusing moments, and even suffering.  There is a time for conversation.  Often, people in our lives just want to talk through these situations with someone they trust.  Yes, sometimes, people want help as they grapple with what to say and do.  There is also a time, however, to be silent and to simply be present with people.

 
I pray for the wisdom to know whether speaking or silence is the best kind of presence at any given moment.

 

Question: What Helps You Understand The People Around You?

August 13, 2008 in Spiritual Life with 11 Comments

question-mark_1.jpgI  would really like to hear from you on this one.  I would like to put together a list of what actually helps some of us keep up with whatever might be going on in our culture.  What helps you understand the people around you?
 

  • You might believe a certain film ought to be on that list.
  • Perhaps there is a particular book that you believe to be essential reading right now.
  • Perhaps there is a certain television program or magazine that helps you keep up with pop culture. 
  • Maybe you are thinking about an academic book or perhaps a popular book.
  • You might believe that certain websites are essential for keeping up with this culture.
  • Maybe you are engaged in certain conversations that you find very helpful.  Perhaps you meet once a month with a group of people who are of a different age than you, or gender, or ethnic group.

 
Anyway,  I would appreciate hearing from you on this one.

“All I Really Need to Know …” (A Tribute to Johnny Stallings)

August 11, 2008 in Spiritual Life with 3 Comments

Last Tuesday afternoon, Charlotte and I attended the funeral of Johnny Stallings.  Johnny was the son of Coach Gene and Ruth Ann Stallings.  Born with Down Syndrome, he died at the age of forty-six. 

 
One of his sisters is a part of our church.  Johnny, along with his parents, visited our church on many occasions throughout the years.  I was always amazed at how he could remember the name of our younger daughter though he would see her so infrequently, especially after she went away to college.

 
Saturday, a good friend gave us an article from the Paris News entitled: "All I really need to know I learned from Johnny Stallings."  It is a fine piece written by Greg Thompson, a graduate of Paris (Texas) High School and director of corporate communications for Chick-Fil-A.  You can find the article here.

 
What did the author learn?
 

1.  Every life matters.

2.  See the good in everyone.  "Be my friend."

3.  Walk openly, simply and humbly with God.

4.  Love unconditionally.

5.  Smile.  Laugh.  Hug.

6.  Treasure every moment.

7.  Little victories are the ones that matter the most.

8.  Trust God because he really does know best.
 

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