Comments on: Pay Attention

By: Jim Hughes

Jim Hughes — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 02:56:25 +0000

Good post, Jim. Most people have something to say, something they want/need to talk about. The shortage is people that care enough to ask and listen. This world needs a lot more of the later. As a side note, one of the interesting things people who are good listeners notice is that people they listen to don’t seem to return the favor.

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 22:25:30 +0000

Chris–This is such a good comment. You are obviously very intentional in your listening and in paying attention to others. Thanks for this. You sound like a great guy.

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 22:21:52 +0000

Nick,Thanks for sharing some of the challenges that you have experienced. It is good to hear your point of view and your experiences. Thanks.

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 22:16:19 +0000

Rob,Wonderful reminder. I need to hear this as well. Thanks so much.

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 22:15:23 +0000

Dave, Great comment. Thank you very much. Thanks for passing on what you wife does. (Both in closing the book and in asking the "next question." Also like what you said about working with kids. It is interesting that sometime we are so focused on what we want to say, that we do not really think about what questions we might ask to draw someone else out.

By: Dave Moss

Dave Moss — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 20:51:06 +0000

Good thoughts and insights. One of the things I love about my wife is that if she is reading a book or the paper and I start talking to her she closes the book or sets the paper aside. That speaks SO much to me and how much she is taking in what I say. She is also great about asking ‘the next question’ – sometimes to the point that I get uncomfortable….but I definitely know she is listening and interested!
On the other end of the spectrum I have found that in talking with kids (I help out with our Jr/Sr high youth) asking better questions and remembering from week to week the conversations is one of the best ways I can show I am interested in them – but it takes effort and trusting God to help me remember…especially as I get older!

By: Rob Grayson

Rob Grayson — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 16:15:02 +0000

Hey Jim,Thanks for your thoughtful post. My only observation is that others often see me as a good listener who is genuinely interested, askes questions, etc., but to my regret I seem to be far better at unwittingly neglecting my own wife and kids than others who are much less important to me. Why do we have this tendency, in spite of our best intentions, to neglect and take for granted those closest to us, who actually need us to pay attention to them the most?Rob

By: Nick Gill

Nick Gill — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 13:50:34 +0000

"Looking at you" is hard for people who grow up in a world where such directness is interpreted negatively. Also, it is painfully difficult for shy people to not look everywhere else except you. Sometimes looking at someone while they’re talking makes it harder for them to say what they’re trying to say. Also, ADD makes this challenging.Can you tell I have some experience wrestling with where my eyes belong in a conversation?

By: Chris Gallagher

Chris Gallagher — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 13:38:11 +0000

Excellent thoughts! My wife and I were discussing a party we went to the other day and we had similar thoughts, but you expressed them better. Good stuff!To your first question, "What lets you know that another is genuinely interested in you as a person?" I believe when I talk to a person they are actually looking at me instead of the floor or wall. Also, what is our relationship outside of a formal party, such as being at home or out and about. I believe a person’s relationship outside of the formal setting show much. To your second question, "What do you do in your relationships to pay attention to another person?" I try to turn off my cell phone or turn it on vibrate so it will not distract. I try to get rid of the things which may distract my focus on their thoughts. I also try not to interrupt. One more, I try not to think of how to respond until I have heard all their thoughts. When I think when they are talking, I can miss their thoughts. Just my thoughts.