Comments on: How To Help a Relationship Die

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 02:41:51 +0000

Stan,I appreciate your comment. I love your point at the end regarding our forgetfulness of our identity in Christ. This is a real problem on a lot of fronts. Thanks so much Stan. Good to see you when I was in Alabama.

By: Stan Peck

Stan Peck — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 08:21:00 +0000

I think what you’re talking about is not really about us having the, ‘right stuff’… so to say in order to deepen our relationshiops… i find that many of my relationships are shallow because even though i persist and persist in trying to communicate, then i still end up self-focused quite a bit…my brain to be honest with you, just won’t come up with everything it needs to to form relationships like they should be and engage in one-to-one valuable conversation… HOWEVER, i think what you’re getting at is having one foot in the ‘soil’ which is grounded in Christ and PURPOSED in Christ…. that way, when you start to initiate conversations and deepen them, you have a reason for it… you can always remember HIS purpose… relationships that i’ve had in the past seemed to flow better when i had this in mind… it’s been a while since i’ve had quality talk with other christians… or quality time, however you call it… many of my friends, including myself, really bothers with it anymore. just got back from huntsville a little bit ago with a dear friend of mine.. and we talked the whole time coming back… but i know little of his true identity and personal walk with Christ that i did when we started the trip… this is bad! Gosh Jim, i think you’re onto something…. that i and many of my friends have forgotten… our christian lives and conversations should be purpose filled!! not just idle and passive…been quite a while since i asked someone, ‘how are you doing spiritually’ for instance..i don’t even think i nor any of my friends ever have quality time like this anymore…. it’s not that we’ve forgotten, because we had good training…. it’s just thatsomewhere, we have forgotten our identity in Christ…

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 00:12:56 +0000

Angie,I appreciate your honesty and candor about your experience where you are living. As you decide to engage more fully, I would enjoy hearing more about your experience adjusting to this new place.Thanks very much.

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 00:10:53 +0000

Dale–Thanks very much. Your comment adds a dimension to this that is very important. As you express so well, passivity can be used as a defense mechanism. One response that some of us make to such hurt is passivity. (As I read your words, I could recall several instances in the past when this was my response to a situation that had been embarrassing or hurtful.)(For all of you reading this– it might be possible that the passivity which you see in yourself or in a family member or friend is a defensive mechanism against some sort of hurt. That hurt may or may not have anything to do with your relationship. Nevertheless, it may have become a part of that person’s way with people.)

By: Dale

Dale — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 15:54:57 +0000

Jim, I appreciate your thoughts on this subject. I know that in relationships that I have been or become passive in, often I have also been hurt (or at least perceived that I had been hurt) and have become passive as a defensive mechanism. My actions entirely but maybe a reason why in some relationships a friend (or even oneself) has become passive. Thanks for your blog and the words of wisdom.

By: Angie

Angie — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 05:36:01 +0000

I was just thinking along these lines tonight. About why I live in a new place and just don’t feel like I am connecting. And it’s because I haven’t let myself be all here, I haven’t invested. I have been passive, not willing to risk, which is not normally where I find myself in relationships! This really reiterated what I had been thinking. Thanks for a good word!

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 21:45:20 +0000

Chris– Good comment. I had not really thought about complaining and grumbling actually being a form of passivity. I like your point though. Very good.

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 21:37:32 +0000

Thanks Matthew. Always appreciate your comments. Are you in Colorado now?

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 21:36:50 +0000

Thanks very much Darryl. (Glad you commented–even as you describe yourself as a passive person–:) I appreciate what you said regarding your thinking that your thoughts are not that "earth shaking." I suspect that a lot of people might say the same. Yet, I think sometimes those who lean toward passivity might think in terms of being engaged fully instead being silent with no contribution. Far too often it is easy to go through life just looking on from a safe distance instead of being fully engaged. (Not directing all of this at you personally but your words caused me to think more about this issue.)

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 21:32:28 +0000

Thanks Clint. I appreciate your thoughts very much.