Comments on: Question: What Would You Have Done Differently?

By: Greg England

Greg England — Thu, 07 May 2009 06:31:52 +0000

I’m not a mother so I’ll skip Question #1. As for the other, my mother never stopped growing spiritually and became a spiritual giant in my life toward the end of her life. To come from her background of legalistic sectarianism and self-righteous arrogance to the most grace-centered person I’ve known was a wonderful journey for all of us. She’s been dead about 4 years and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and wish I could share stories of our grandchildren with her. She would love them. They would love her.

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Wed, 06 May 2009 17:42:49 +0000

Dave, What a blessing you experienced! It sounds like you had a great mom. It sounds like you have been given some experiences that you will pass on to your own children. Thanks!

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Wed, 06 May 2009 17:34:36 +0000

Laura, Thank you for such honesty. I appreciate your very candid reflection on your experience as a parent. Your comment will help some other people who will read this. Like you, I thank God for his grace in all of this. I thank God that he is merciful when he sees that we have messed up and just haven’t handled some of this "parenting stuff" very well. Many of us join you in recognizing those moments and day when we wished we done things differently. I appreciate you very much.

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Wed, 06 May 2009 17:19:32 +0000

Janice, How wonderful to be able to say, "I was a different person than I am today." It sounds like God has really been at work in your life over the years. Regardless of whatever bumps in the road you met early on, it sounds as if you are going to finish strong. You are to be commended for this.I am happy for you in what you experienced with your mother in her latter years. What a gift!

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Wed, 06 May 2009 17:11:58 +0000

Karin, What a wonderful gift from your children! Their words must have been very affirming. You must be very proud of them.

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Wed, 06 May 2009 17:10:12 +0000

Paula,Thanks. Your comment reminded me of something that occured to me a few years ago. When we have our first child, everything is a "first." It is so hard for us to have perspective regarding what is difficult or challenging because we have nothing to really compare it to (at least out of our experience.) Then it seems like when the next child is born, we more likely have a better perspective on what we are facing. Anyway—thanks so much.

By: Jim Martin

Jim Martin — Wed, 06 May 2009 17:03:44 +0000

Becky,Thanks very much. I appreciate what you said regarding grace and unconditional love. How important!

By: Janice Garrison

Janice Garrison — Wed, 06 May 2009 14:10:02 +0000

I was only 15 when I had my first daughter, 18 with my second and 23 when my third child was born. I made so many mistakes. Up until my last child was born I was pretty much a baby trying to raise babies. Needless to say I would have done thousands of things differently, but I was a different person then than I am today. I would have been more patient, loved more, yelled less. The main thing I would do differently would be to teach them about God and how to have a relationship with him. Sadly until my third daughter was born I didn’t even go to church myself. I have wonderful daughters who love me in spite of my many mistakes.

My mom was the queen of clean! I learned how to clean and take care of what I have. My mom had many obstacles in her way while trying to raise three kids. We never developed a close relationship. Just in the past year, now that she is 86 and I’m 60 we finally have what we never had and I am treasuring each moment.

By: Latayne C Scott

Latayne C Scott — Wed, 06 May 2009 13:50:18 +0000

Appreciate these questions, Jim! I also appreciate your work with the Lord’s Body there in Waco.One thing I did right was teach my children Scripture. When they were little, I helped them memorize it. Then when they became teenagers, I carried through with my commitment that they would not leave home without having read the Bible all the way through. Our daughter was an overachiever and did it on her own, reading through it four times before graduating from high school. Our son was a perfectly normal boy and needed some help, so I bought a copy of LaGard Smith’s Narrated Bible. Mornings before school, I would read the day’s selection’s introduction, and then Ryan would read the passage. I had the satisfaction of hearing every word of God come out of my son’s mouth, and it provided many opportunities to discuss what we read. Both children are now adults who are active in church, and are Biblically literate and love God’s Word. What I would have done differently — I would have started before they were in high school. Latayne C Scott http://www.latayne.com representationalresources.com

By: Laura H.

Laura H. — Wed, 06 May 2009 13:44:34 +0000

Regrets, I’ve had a few…actually thousands! With my own children I wish that I had treasured each moment more instead of "rushing" through them, they pass so quickly. I wish that I had been more patient, and not let every little thing upset me. I wish I hadn’t started yelling, it’s a vicious cycle that is terribly hard to break. I wish that I had learned sooner not to sweat the small stuff. I think I did eventually learn that with my younger children, but the older ones I was more uptight about things that truly don’t matter. I wish that I had more confidence in parenting ability and not let my insecurities affect my parenting. Trying to be the Super Parent is an impossible ideal. I have to have faith that God’s grace and goodness will outweigh my shortcomings and that in spite of all my faults, they will recognize a heart that loves God and tried to do the best I could. I didn’t do everything wrong because I have children who are funny, sweet and tender hearted. It’s much easier to focus on the faults than the things I’ve done well.
My mother (and father too) did a wonderful job of always making me feel loved and valued. They instilled a strong sense of right and wrong and I didn’t want to disappoint them. I always knew that my home was stable and loving. My mother taught Bible classes, worked in the bus ministry, worked at the church, was always involved; this has taught me to be involved as well. She was a stay at home mother and I was committed to being a stay at home mother as well; that’s a legacy worth keeping!