Archive - August, 2009

Don’t Ignore the Obvious

I really don’t want to ignore the obvious, and yet I do at times.

I graduated from the University of North Texas with a degree in business. I recall taking a variety of classes including some in business management, accounting, business law, finance, statistics, etc. Yet, in spite of these courses, I ignored the obvious.

I actually paid very little attention toward thinking about the kind of work that I might do for the rest of my life. I am not suggesting that I should have known exactly what I was going to do. I am saying that I did not even give it very much thought. Oh I knew what I was going to do when I graduated. I had been working for UPS while in college and I knew that I would be driving and then going into management with them. Yet, beyond that, I gave my future little thought.

Maybe the following is obvious to you. Yet, I need to be reminded to not ignore the obvious.weekly_review.jpg


Am I thinking ahead?

1. In five years, I will be somewhere doing something.  In five years, do I want to be able to say that I have invested in my growth and maturity over these past five years? What will that mean TODAY in terms of the practical decisions that I need to make?

2. At the end of this year, I will be somewhere financially.  If I continue to spend money the way I am currently spending money, what will be my financial condition in January 2010? Do I need to make a change TODAY in terms of the way I spend money?

3. As I begin my week, I am going to make choices about the way I invest my time. Who needs my attention and time this week? Are there significant people in my life who have not been receiving the time or attention the need? Do I need to make a decision TODAY regarding this?

4. In front of me is an unread book.  I can easily say, given what I already have scheduled, “I don’t have time to read a book this week.” Yet, could I carve out thirty minutes each day to read? Could I carve out fifteen minutes each day to read? Do I need to begin this TODAY?

5. In several years, my body will be in some sort of condition.  I might be in good health. I could be in poor health. Am I investing in the health of my body? Am I conscious of what I eat and how I exercise? Or, do I ignore the obvious and choose to avoid thinking about it? Do I need to address this TODAY?

You may be a student. One of the most difficult ways of going to college (undergrad or graduate) is to wait until the day before the assignment is due to begin the readings, write the paper, etc. Far better to look at the time between now and the next class meeting and make a decision about what you need to do each day, beginning TODAY. You may be surprised at the difference in the stress you experience.

Perhaps this is obvious to you. Yet, I have seen so many people ignore the obvious and then a few years down the road wonder what happened.

Am I in control of the week? No. Only God knows what will actually occur this week. Only God in his providence knows exactly the conversations I will have and the people who I will spend time with. That is a given. Yet, at the same time, I have to make choices every week and every day about the way I will use time. For example, this week, I am speaking twice on Wednesday. I speak on Wednesday morning and then again Wednesday evening. I know that next Sunday morning I will preach again. In order to prepare for these times, I will have to make some decisions regarding the way I use my time each day this week.

I am not in control of the week. Yet, I am going to plan a time to go to the gym and exercise. I do this each day after I leave the office. This time each day is energy producing. Besides, I know that it is an investment in my health. Yet, for this to happen, I have to block out some time each day.

Will I read my Bible and pray this week? Will I spend time talking with my wife? Will I connect with my children this week? All of these questions require some time investment. Yet, if I don’t think about this at the beginning of the week, I could find myself at the end of the week watching something mindless on television while I have ignored a significant relationship that needed my time this week.

This is something that I am thinking about today as I consider my week. Maybe you will will find this helpful.

Question:

Do you ever ignore the obvious in your life? What is it that you typically ignore or just not deal with?

  

Choosing to Move Away from Hiding, Blame, and Denial

Do you recognize any of these behaviors?  fear.jpg

Hiding.

Blaming.

Denying.

The first question that was ever asked of a human being by the Creator was, “Where are you?” There is nothing wrong with this question. In fact, the question comes from the one who wanted relationship with all of us. Yet, our response to the question is much like Adam and Eve. We try to be in control and let God see only a piece of ourselves, instead of trusting his desire to have a full and intimate relationship.

Consequently:

We hide. We hide from God and from one another. We live with secrets. We practice image management. We are more concerned about projecting a certain image of ourselves than revealing who we really are. Sometimes, this happens in churches. In fact, many have found that churches are great places to hide. When I was a child, we played “hide and seek.” Count to ten and then come find me. Many of us are still playing a form of “hide and seek” as adults. We may fear discovery, being known, or being rejected.

We deny. We deny that we are wrong or that we have done anything wrong. Part of our denial is seen in our attempts to communicate that we are always doing really well.

“Oh the kids are fine. John and Jane just had a baby boy!” (Actually John and Jane have a marriage that is hanging by a thread. Jane has really been struggling with depression. John exploded at his mother the other night when she expressed concern about their marriage.)

“You seem rather sad. Is this not a good day?” “Oh I’m fine. Nothing wrong here.” (Actually you are so discouraged you wonder how much longer you can hang on.)

We blame.

  • “If it weren’t for my husband, the kids, my job, the teacher, those elders in our church …”
  • “Look at what you made me do.”
  • “Don’t blame me. If you were the wife you should be, I wouldn’t have done…”

Is this any way to live? Yet, far too many Christ-followers live this way. Far too many churches seem to accept one or more of these behaviors as a part of their culture.

I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Some of these thoughts come from meditating on Genesis 1-3. Some of these thoughts were inspired years ago when I read everything by Henri Nouwen that I could find. Some of these thoughts emerged as I saw some of these behaviors in my own life.

  • More concerned about what people thought than the reality of my life.
  • Denying what is obviously true.
  • More focused on blaming someone or something else for things that happen than taking responsibility.

When I see one of these behaviors in my life, I know this is not constructive, not helpful, and certainly doesn’t move me toward God.   

The problem with these approaches to life is that they are fear based and rooted in human pride. God, on the other hand, offers you and me a relationship that is freedom based and rooted in trusting him.

Question

How are these behaviors (hiding, blaming, denying) often experienced in church settings?

There is More Going On at Work Than You May Think

Are you going to work today? work.jpg

  • Maybe much of your work takes place in an office. You may find yourself in front of a computer monitor much of the time.
  • Perhaps you work in a plant. Your work takes place in an environment where something is being manufactured.
  • You may be self-employed. You are engaged with a number of customers every day.
  • Your job might involve travel. Almost every week, you are on the road, seeing clients in distant cities.
  • Your work might take place in your house as you seek to provide the best care possible for several small children.

Someone has said that 75% of our waking hours are spent at work. If this is true, then your work today is the place where God will also be at work, ministering through your life. I believe that God does not see your ministry as something happening only when you are at a church gathering or when you are participating in a church program or project. Rather, ministry is what you are called to at work as the place where you are spending much of your time.

Let us consider a few realities for everyday ministry at work:

1. The primary ministry of the church each day is what we do wherever we are. For many of us, the bulk of our waking hours are spent at work. Consequently, when you go to work, you are involved in ministry because the presence of God is ministering through you, through his Holy Spirit. Sometimes this will be obvious to you. Often, you will be completely unaware of how he is working.

2. The church is the church wherever the work of the church is being done. When you go to work today, you are a part of something great as you seek to model kingdom living and kingdom values before your co-workers, clients or customers. You are doing something important.

3. Don’t underestimate the value of your work. Yes, much work can be boring or tedious. There may be an aspect to your work that seems so unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Yet, let me suggest that no matter what you do every day, God can redeem that moment and cause it to make a difference. At times, it may not be what you do but how you handle yourself in the midst of frustration and monotony that may be used by God.

4. God cares about your work and the Gospel can make a real difference wherever you are. Never underestimate the power of the Gospel being lived out where you work.

5. Begin work today with a God-centered perspective. Pray for your meetings today. Pray for your employer or employees. Pray for the time spent with customers or clients. Pray that God might redeem your work today and use it to make a difference. Pray for wisdom in both your words and actions.

Questions

I would love to hear your response to one of the following two questions:

  • Who, in your work environment, do you pray for regularly?
  • How might this perspective on work make a difference in your day?

5 Ways to Pursue Wisdom

I would like to grow in wisdom. I want wisdom to be reflected in my choices and decisions. Yet, there is no way to microwave wisdom. There is no instant way to suddenly be a person of wisdom. Growing in wisdom is not like sending a text message when a few seconds later it will appear on someone’s phone. No, growing in wisdom takes time. Yet, it is good to desire wisdom and to pray for wisdom.coffee1_th.jpg

Consider the following as you think about wanting to be a person who pursues wisdom:

1. Learn from people who seem to consistently make wise choices. Look for the people in your life who use some wisdom regarding what they say, what they do, and the overall choices they make. Don’t be distracted by popularity, celebrity, or wealth. Some of the wisest people you will ever meet may actually be in your family, your church, or your neighborhood. These people could be either women or men. These people might be well known or people few seem to know. Look for wisdom and learn. Watching such people has been very helpful to me. I have learned from a number of people through the years and have gained much wisdom both from their words and examples.

2. Learn from your mistakes, failures, and sins. As you think about your past mistakes, reflect on the process that got you to that point. Was your decision impulsive? Were you tempted by a promise of instant gratification? Did you fail to think through the consequences? Did you ignore the warnings of your family and close friends? What went wrong? In other words, learn from some of these decisions instead of just repeating them again and again.

About twelve years ago, I bought a new SUV. This was an impulsive decision made one week when I was frustrated with my car and had begun visiting the new car lots. The purchase was a poor decision. Six months later I sold this SUV. I hope that I learned something from this experience.   

3. Learn from biographies.  I started reading biographies many years ago. Sometimes when I read a good biography, I feel like I have had a conversation with the person though she/he may have been deceased for many years. There is much wisdom to be gained from looking over another’s shoulder. Learn from another’s good judgement. Learn also from another’s failure.

4. Learn through a weekly review. During this review time each week, think about the way you used your time during the previous week. For example, during the previous week, did you use your time wisely? For example, if you are a student and you have a major paper due in two weeks, did you spend time last week investing in this paper? Or, if you worked long hours last week, perhaps wisdom dictates that you adjust your schedule so that you can spend more time with your family this week. Or, perhaps your job means that you sit in front a computer monitor most of the day. Wisdom might suggest that you invest in some degree of vigorous exercise each day so that you can take care of your body.

5. Learn from Scripture.  Read the book of Proverbs. Read the various contrasts in the Old Testament between the wise person and the foolish person. In the New Testament, listen to Jesus’ words regarding wisdom and foolishness. Finally read the book of James. Pray that God might give you wisdom for what you are dealing with in life.


Questions:
  • What else would you add to this list?
  • Who have been your models of wisdom? Who have you learned from?

What’s New

You might notice the following on the right-hand bar:

1. Twitter Updates. These are “tweets” that I have sent recently. So maybe you don’t Twitter. Nevertheless, some of the links here may interest you. Remember that tweets are often sent with the address being “shortened” (which is why the addresses on some of these tweets might look strange).

2. Social Networks. Notice the words “my del.icio.us.” Many of you probably use this but perhaps others of you are unfamiliar with this tool. Do you know that “my del.icio.us” is like a large file cabinet? Whenever I come across an interesting article, story, etc., I will file it away in “my del.icio.us.” I use this almost daily. You might enjoy looking through this. You may wonder why I have noted some of the things I did. I’m not always sure. Anyway, topics include: coffee, leadership, writing, health, systems, etc. I will caution you that “my del.icio.us” needs to be cleaned up a bit. Nevertheless, you might find some of this interesting.

Also check out “God-Hungry Live.” I am constantly adding new videos from You Tube. This week I added numerous N. T. Wright videos in which he is lecturing on the book of Acts.

3. Inside My Library. “What I’m Reading.” I have just updated this. “Feel Free To Browse” is the list of books in my office library. The list is current as each time I receive a book it is added to this list.

Places I’ve Been

What an excellent post by Jeff Berryman as he describes the human condition! He writes concerning the “broken heart.” This post really helped me think about the condition of the world. sangi.jpg

I have been blessed by reading Scot McKnight’s Jesus Creed. I really like his new series Acts and Mission. There is something about reflecting on what God was doing through these early churches, as recorded in Acts, that has reminded me of some basic but critical elements of the Gospel.

Earlier today, I read a nice essay by Gary Thomas (author of Sacred Marriage) entitled “Soul Mates or Sole Mates: Making a Wise Marital Choice.” Thomas says many people embrace the notion of searching for their one true “soul mate.” They may actually be better served by valuing and using wisdom regarding seeking a potential mate.

Richard Mouw on a visit to Turkey in July and going to a Muslim circumcision party. “Turkish Delight?”

Michael Hyatt has written a very good post entitled, “Five Ways to Energize Your Team.” I continue to find much practical help regarding leadership from Michael Hyatt’s blog.

Interesting interview with Chip Heath and Dan Heath (Willow Creek Leadership Summit) on a variety of issues.

Again, Tony Morgan has a nice list of quotes from Willow Creek Leadership Summit.

This is a really good piece by Don Miller on self pity. I’m glad I read this! “Self Pity, How to be Downwardly Mobile.”

Anne Jackson had an interesting post this week, “One Thing You Would Tell the Church Leader/Pastor World.” Read through the comments. There were a few of these I really needed to read.

A brief but important observation by Mark Batterson on the value of books as virtual mentors.

I’m glad I read this today. Chris Brogan on “Simple Touchpoints of Loyalty.” Simple ways to focus on others.

John Ortberg on “Taste and See.” I like reading John Ortberg!

From Out of Ur, a video with Ed Stetzer on “Ministry Pornography” (on lusting after other pastors’ churches).

13 Ways to Invest in Your Marriage

There is a business in our area which which probably won’t be around very long. It started well. The owner invested a great deal of money into the building and its facilities. He seemed to spare no expense in what he purchased in order to begin this business. However, once he made the initial investment, he apparently put very little time or energy into maintenance or staffing. There is regular staff turnover. One frequently sees signs on various pieces of equipment, indicating that the equipment is not working. In some instances, these signs remain for months. This business seems to suffer from neglect.  stickpeoplefw7.gif

Marriages are often like this. Some will make a tremendous initial investment but then neglect the relationship over time.

I want to suggest 13 ways to invest in the life, health, and vitality of your marriage:

1. Be intentional. Choose to build a marriage that allows each of you the opportunity to look forward to coming home in the evenings.

2. Catch him/her doing something right and affirm this. Validate one another in the things that are good and right.

3. Learn to be honest but be gracious when doing so. Some people will justify most anything that comes out of their mouth in the name of “just being honest.” Use honesty to build and heal, not to cut, put down, and destroy.

4. Deliberately choose to do something to bless him/her whether your spouse notices or not. Ideally, of course both spouses are choosing to do this. However, it is good and right to bless a spouse regardless of the response. It is an investment.

5. Pay attention to what seems to irritate your spouse. It is easy to dismiss your spouse’s complaint about an irritating behavior because it doesn’t both you. Yet, for you to know that the behavior is irritating, and yet continue to do this, may feel very disrespectful to your spouse.

6. Be a real friend to your spouse. Have you ever known people who invested so much in their friendships with others and then took their spouse for granted? Build your friendship with your spouse. Ask yourself, “What am I doing in this relationship that I would never say or do to one of my other friends?”   

7. Pray for your marriage. Ok, this may seem like a no-brainer. Yet, there are many people who rarely pray about their marriage or concerning their spouse. If you are not praying for your marriage, you are robbing yourself and your spouse of such a great resource.

8. Find your life in Jesus. He is the true life-giver. Far too many people take their empty lives into their marriages and then expect their spouse to satisfy in ways that are above and beyond what any human being can do.

9. Build your spouse up. Don’t tear him down. Imagine buying a new car and then using a sledge hammer on it before you drive away each morning. We do ourselves no favor when we put down, insult, and belittle our spouses. Look for ways to validate your spouse.

10. Invest in the spiritual life of your spouse. Yes, I realize that you may be in a situation where your spouse may have no interest in the ways and teachings of Jesus. However, if you married a Christ-follower, be intentional about growing together as a couple.

11. Pay attention to your spouse. Simple affection starts with being attentive. By the way, this is one of the greatest investments in your sexual relationship. Attentiveness and affection throughout the day create the atmosphere for a wonderful sexual relationship. This is one reason why couples who are married for a long time, who are growing in their attentiveness and affection, will find increasing enjoyment and pleasure in their sexual relationship.

12. Take care of your heart, mind, and body. Yes, you do this as a steward of what God has given you. However, you also can bless your marriage when you take care of yourself in these areas.

13. Invest in fun. Fun doesn’t have to be extravagant. You don’t have to spend a lot of money. Nor does fun mean that you have to entertain your spouse. Fun does mean that you look for ways to relax and enjoy. You cherish opportunities to laugh. You deliberately choose to do the simple things that you both enjoy.

Questions:

What else would you add to this list? What have you found helpful?

13 Ways to Hurt Your Marriage

The following are some reflections on behaviors which I have seen dampen, harm, and even destroy a marriage. Charlotte and I both have had a front row seat in watching many marriages through the years. We also know what it is to live together for many years as two human beings who need one another’s love and forgiveness.   
bored_couple430x300.jpg

By listing these 13 behaviors, I am not suggesting that one particular behavior will destroy a marriage. Rather, I am saying that these are the behaviors which do harm to a marriage. They can quickly become a part of a destructive lifestyle which only hurts the relationship.

To hurt your marriage, do the following:

1. Be unsafe. If she is particularly sensitive about her weight or some other aspect of her body, use this against her when you are angry. During an emotional explosion, come back at her with some name calling that highlights her vulnerabilities. Use a few expletives for an added punch. When marriage is unsafe, spouses will build their own cocoon or they will find someone else who is safe.

2. Be passive in your relationship. Have no opinion, preference, or desire. Take no initiative. Just sit back and wait for life to happen (or for her to get it done). This passivity can bring on the slow death of a marriage.

3. Use your children against their dad or mom. Do you think your husband is stupid? Talk to your children about him and the many ways that he has proven that he is a stupid. Create these emotional triangles within your family. He will eventually see that he has lost the respect of his family and is alone emotionally.

4. Use porn. The women are perfect. They are alluring, seductive, and plentiful. And–you don’t have to relate to them as an adult. You don’t have to love, give, serve, or make love with someone with whom you are sharing life. No, porn allows you to remain just the way you are. You can be selfish, lustful, and you can have power. Just touch the keyboard and the images appear. Touch the keyboard again and they disappear. The dirty little secret? Porn is EXTREMELY addictive and will lock you in the prison of your own immaturity for years. For many, many people this has been a marriage killer.

5. Be critical. Focus on his/her shortcomings and keep bringing them up. Provide an atmosphere at home where the evenings are spent cutting one another down. Soon you will each dread coming home.

6. Let yourself go. Don’t worry about your weight, your appearance, your hygiene, etc. Just let yourself go. As one person said, “We just got real comfortable with one another and we no longer took care of ourselves.” Quite often it is one spouse or the other who no longer takes care of themselves. Meanwhile, the other spouse may become critical, resentful, and angry.

7. Harbor secret affections and connections. Now maybe you have never been unfaithful to your wife (or husband). You tell yourself this. Yet, at the same time, you have developed a special relationship with a person at work. You look for any reason you can to be in her presence. You find that when you are with her, your heart races and you feel alive. You have a connection with her that is deep. Nothing physical–yet. However, this intimate bond has the makings of a emotional bomb just waiting to explode and do untold damage.

8. Demonstrate little co-operation in financial matters. Spend money and don’t let your spouse know where it is going. You don’t want to explain those expensive green fees at the golf course. You don’t want to explain the cost of those shoes. So, you work hard to not let him/her know where the money is going. Or perhaps you run up a huge Visa bill due to your impulsive spending. Maybe you are in the habit of making making major purchases that are not in the budget or haven’t even been agreed upon by your spouse. This has a way of eating away at the trust in your relationship.

9. Never say “thank you.” Just take her for granted. Take him for granted. I have heard it too many times. “Why should I thank her/him? I don’t get any thanks.” So, each person just takes one another for granted. Any sense of graciousness toward the other is no more. This gets compounded as a spouse never hears any gratitude but only complaints.

10. Surround yourself with friends who do not value marriage. Listen as these friends speak of cheating on their spouses. Quietly envy the life and thrill they describe. Listen as they talk to you about how much fun you are missing. Compare their stories with the boredom you feel. Instead of re-investing in your marriage, spend your energy fantasizing about living as these friends live.

11. Don’t forgive. Continue to remind your spouse of his/her faults. It is sort of like putting your garbage in large container but never emptying it. The smelly, nasty garbage from the past remains in the container until you need to refer to it again. Then, in the middle of a heated argument, you open the can, pour the old garbage onto the floor and remind your spouse of ways that he/she failed in the past. Of course, holding on to this garbage has a way of poisoning the atmosphere of your relationship.

12. Stop having fun with one another. After awhile, fun will become something that you experience with someone else but not your spouse. Healthy, joyful laughter will become less and less frequent in your home.

13. Stop investing in your relationship with one another. Your relationship will often dry up and become stale. Yes, your sexual relationship will often become boring, predictable, and lifeless. Or, it may become non-existent.

Question

What other behaviors would you add to this list?

Places I’ve Been

Did you see this post on Scot McKnight’s “Jesus Creed”? A great post for teachers. Encouraging.

Take a look at this three minute video, “A Lifetime in Snapshots.” Life really is very short.

Anne Jackson did a survey regarding modesty, etc. last week. Here are her results along with many interesting comments.

My former professor, Dr. Everett Ferguson lists his top five books on the first century Greco-Roman world.

How does technology impact personal relationships?

Interesting but sad. Atheists who practice “de-baptism.”

Now this is a really nice story about a surprise pianist as a Vancouver, B.C. maestro helps a British couple in their wedding.

From Michael Hyatt for bloggers “Focus on Blog Content Before Traffic.”

I read L. L. Barkat’s “Seedlings in Stone.” This week I read her post, “Nothing in Return.” She is a wordsmith who has the eye and ear of a poet.

Interesting. Tim Spivey’s “America’s Fastest Dying and Fastest Growing Cities. Tim is a great guy and a good thinker.

Hope that all of you have a good weekend. Be sure to check out “God-Hungry Live.” These are videos collected over the past year or so. These include videos by such people as: John Ortberg, Fred Craddock, Tom Long, N.T. Wright, Scot McKnight, Tim Keller, and many, many others. You can either go to the main page here or you look through the playlist here.

Your Work and Ministry Realities (Ministry and Work #1)

work_pic2

My friend is an attorney in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex. Several years ago, we were having lunch together. At some point in the conversation, he made a statement that I have remembered for about eight years. He said:

I just wish that the church would recognize what I do at work as legitimate ministry. Every day, I attempt to be faithful to my calling as a follower of Jesus. I try to practice law as an expression of my vocation as a Christ-follower. I try to treat people as I think Jesus would treat people. Yet, our church NEVER recognizes this kind of life as ministry. No, the ministry that gets affirmed is either something that happens in the church building or is organized by someone at the church.

I hear his frustration. Why is it that we often don’t recognize what someone does in their work toward another as legitimate ministry?

Let us consider a few basic realities of work and ministry:

1. Most of the church’s waking hours are spent at work. Consequently, work is where the church is doing much of its ministry.

2. We are concerned about work in the church because work is where the church is to be found much of the time. The primary ministry of the church is what we do every day through the power of the Holy Spirit, wherever we are. One could almost say that the organizational ministries at church supplement what we are doing every day at work and beyond.

3. Far too often, we see the church’s ministry as something that happens in the church building and in some way is connected to a church building. Again, the truth is that the church’s work is being done wherever the people of God are.

4. We often see church members only in terms of what they contribute through the church through its organized ministries. Yet, we also need to be affirming people for what they contribute to the kingdom of God in their workplace.

5. God cares about our work and the Gospel can make a real difference wherever we are.

I think my friend is right. Far too often, we just ignore the everyday ministries of people in our church while we praise those who are involved in organized ministries. I’m not sure Jesus would do this. He actually cares about your work. The Gospel can make a real difference wherever you work.

Now I am not suggesting that tomorrow when we go to work that we place Bibles on our desks or that we announce in some way that we are Christ-followers and are doing ministry at our workplaces. No, most of the time, our ministry at work will be as salt, leaven, and light. Wherever we are, we (as Christ-followers) bring the presence of Christ into that workplace.

More later…

Questions:

What do you think?

Why do we typically only affirm people in their work among our organized ministries while so often nothing is ever said to suggest that the church is doing legitimate ministry when its members go to work each day?

[I am thankful for a book entitled Supporting Christians at Work (without going insane) by Mark Greene for many of the thoughts in this post.]

Page 1 of 212»