Archive - December, 2009

What to Do When the Issue is Not the Issue

December 30, 2009 in Ministry with 9 Comments

Maybe you have already seen this during the holiday season. The family comes together for a meal or to exchange Christmas presents. Family members have driven from a variety of locations in order to be together. Then, someone gets extremely upset.

Why is this person upset? She says she is upset because her children were slighted during Christmas. Or, she might say she is upset because of what Uncle Harry said when she told him about her new job. Perhaps you can see her point of view and even emphathize with her displeasure. Yet, her anger and resentment seem for be over the top for the offense that occurred. You are baffled by the sheer intensity of her anger.

The issue is often not the issue.

If you probe beneath her statements or attempt to understand some of the feelings being expressed, you might see that there is more going on than frustration over Christmas or an Uncle’s comment. Sometimes, a person will focus on something external instead of focusing on what is happening in that person’s own soul. I have seen this for many years in the life of the congregations where I have served. A person might complain about something that happened in the life of the church. Maybe I can understand this person’s displeasure. However, the emotion that is being expressed and the level of sadness and anger may be more extreme and intense than the situation seems to warrant.

Then, I learn that this person is dealing with numerous losses in his life. He lost his job after a business deal went sour. He recently discovered that his adult son is a long time drug user. He is having health problems related to stress and anxiety. His parents are in poor health. He has experienced loss after loss in a short period of time.

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The issue is often not the issue.   

M. Craig Barnes has written a fine book entitled The Pastor as Minor Poet . In this book, he suggests that the image of “poet” might be helpful to those who preach and minister in a congregational setting.   

I want to suggest still another image: the poet. I present this not as the normative or even preferred image, but simply as another biblical description of the calling of those who have been blessed with a vision that allows them to explore, and express, the truth behind the reality. Poets see the despair and heartache as well as the beauty and miracle that lie just beneath the thin veneer of the ordinary, and they describe this in ways that are recognized not only in the mind, but more profoundly in the soul. (p. 17)

This means is that we must learn to pay attention to God and at the same time pay attention to people in the messiness of the congregation’s life. Ministry not only requires that we drink deeply of the things of God (through prayer, study, reflection, and our day to day walk with God) but that we pay attention to people. This means that we pay attention not only to the words being said, but to what these words might mean.

This is how I learned to think poetically about my work and myself. It allowed me to dig beneath all of the talk about budgets, personnel, the recruiting of Sunday School teachers, and who was mad at whom, as well as the more personal concerns about relationships and work, in order to enter the deeper realm where theology makes sense. Only then could I speak to the soul of the congregation about the real choices that make an eternity of difference. (p. 19)

Question:

Do you recall an experience where you looked beneath the issue only to discover that the real issue was something that was not being expressed? Can you share an example?


Seeking to Be Liked (Chasing After an Elusive Prize)

December 28, 2009 in Ministry with 6 Comments

Have you ever tried to catch a butterfly?

A butterfly is elusive. So is chasing after the elusive prize of being liked by all.

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M. Craig Barnes has written a very helpful and encouraging book, The Pastor As Minor Poet . This book can be encouraging to any minister (regardless of this person’s specific role) who works in congregational ministry. So many ministers today are confused about their own identity as a minister. Far too often, the competing identities only leave the minister confused and bewildered. Pastoral ministry is then reduced to what Stanley Hauerwas calls, “a quivering mass of availability.” This self-identity is often rooted in the desperate chase after an elusive prize, the quest to be liked.

Barnes describes what he often sees in the Doctor of Ministry students in the seminary where he teaches:

All of them have been at it long enough to collect wounds, and many have not healed well. Some of the wounds came from the congregation. Some were self-inflicted. For too long many have been dancing on the borders of total burnout, trying to fulfill the contradictory expectations of the congregation and their own expectations about success. None of them wants to be remembered as the pastor who was there when the church closed its doors. So they are compelled to succeed, which means they have to do something to keep people coming in those doors. But here’s the rub: Whenever they succeed in meeting the expectations of either the older parishioners or the desired visitors, pastors feel deep in their souls that they are simply con artists. They hate having to be whatever is necessary to keep the old guard reassured and the seekers enticed. They learn to be strong but sensitive, profound but playful, prophetic but consensus-building, always available with an open door but always in touch with the sacred – whatever is necessary to engender approval, no matter how inherently inconsistent, all for the elusive prize of being liked. (p. 11)

Question:

What is your own experience with chasing to be liked? How can this serve to damage a person’s ministry?

Dear Son/Dear Daughter

December 27, 2009 in A New Year, Family/Marriage with 7 Comments

In just a few days, we will begin a new year.

2010.

Sounds strange, doesn’t it? Yet, I love the beginning of a new year. For me, it is a good time to think about my life, both the past and the future. It is a time to think about where I have been and where I am going.

A few days ago, I wrote the following for a young friend of mine. She graduated from college and is embarking on a new time of life. She is also, like the rest of us, beginning a new year. I write to encourage her. Perhaps you will find this encouraging or useful. You might even think of these thoughts as words for a daughter or son.   

1. Look in the mirror and know that you are just right. You do not have to look a certain way, dress a certain way, or have a certain amount of money in order to be fully human. Look carefully at Jesus and you will see what it means to really live a full life, as a complete human being.

2. Cherish your character. Do what people with great character do. Make decisions that you think people of high character would make, even if you feel like you are the only person trying to do what is right. You will never, ever regret doing the right thing but the reverse can’t be said.

3. Enjoy being you. You don’t have to look like others or talk like others. In fact, you don’t have to meet the approval of others. You are worth knowing, worth loving, and worth being treated right. Don’t settle for anything less.

4. Be friends with people who take the high road. Yes, these people may be harder to find. There are far more people who are content to just get by. There is always someone around who will drag you down. There are people who have no shame and very low standards. Choose to be with people who really want to live right and who appreciate someone else who desires the same.

5. Live a significant life. Having a life that is significant or important doesn’t come by having lots of money or by having a glamorous job. A significant life belongs to a person who serves other people and makes a positive difference in someone else’s life.

Question:

Which one of these five statements might be especially important for a younger person to hear? Why?

Merry Christmas

December 18, 2009 in Spiritual Life with 3 Comments

Merry Christmas!


My next post will appear the week of December 27.


Have a wonderful holiday.

Christmas Lights and More

December 17, 2009 in Spiritual Life with 7 Comments

My friend Doug Kirkland in Florence, Alabama just sent the video below. One of a kind! I’ve not seen Christmas lights like these. Below the video is some information from the owner about his lights.

2009 Lights On Merrimac Ridge Animated Lights from Merrimac Ridge on Vimeo.

“Lights on Merrimac Ridge features 43,000 lights, 130 amps of power and 112 channels of light controlling goodness. This year we have a mix of d-light and LOR (Light-o-Rama) controllers running with LOR S2 software. The build time was several months and it took about five days to completely errect the display. Come by our display at:

603 Merrimac Ridge, Spring, TX

The complete show runs 15 minutes and is on Sun-Thur 6pm until 10pm and Fri-Sat 6pm until 11pm.”

When Christmas Tests Your Nerves

December 16, 2009 in Relationships, Stress with 10 Comments

Some of you know what it is to experience Christmas as a very stressful holiday.

Perhaps the stress comes from moms and dads trying to create just the perfect Christmas experience for their loved ones. Or it may come from anticipating Christmas dinner as your older brother brings his new wife for the first time. (Meanwhile, the family grieves because his previous wife of twenty years is no longer present.) Or, the stress may come from the two brothers-in-law who do not get along and are now in the same room.

Craig Barnes, in his book The Pastor as Minor Poet, writes about how the Bible reveals God as the achiever and ourselves as the receivers. Far too often we live with much stress because we are trying to gain something through achieving that can only be had through receiving.

At no time is this more obvious to pastors than at Christmas, when our parishioners are knocking themselves out to achieve the perfect experience for their loved ones. It is amazing that the mythology of this dream is able to resurface every December in spite of its repeated failures. When I hear the aspirations that people have for their reuniting families, gathered around the piano wearing matching sweaters, joyfully singing carols, I always want to ask, “Is this the same family you had last year?” But no one is interested in reality checks at Christmas. So they knock themselves out to achieve what cannot happen. . . . (p. 95)

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Does this sound familiar? Could it be that many of us are under so much stress during this time of the year because we are trying to achieve so much? Perhaps some of the stress is due to our efforts to achieve something perfect instead of simply receiving graciously all that we are given. Ultimately, it is only what we receive from God that will satisfy. Our efforts to create and achieve something to satisfy will always be lacking and will have its limits. After all, the Bible presents God himself as the ultimate achiever. Barnes concludes:

In all my years of pastoral ministry, I have never had a child come to see me to talk about the stress of the holidays. They aren’t worried about making it to all the parties, buying the perfect presents, maxing out their credit cards, and travel plans. As every child knows, the only stress of Christmas is how can we possibly wait for it to arrive — the day we receive so much. (p. 95)

Question:

In what ways do we attempt to create a perfect Christmas experience for our families? How can these efforts test our nerves?

What I Read

December 14, 2009 in Spiritual Life with 8 Comments

This post may interest you and then it may not. :)

Like you, I read.  

Some of the periodicals I read are chosen because they help me keep up with the Christian world. Other reading is an attempt to stay aware of what is happening in the world and culture. Yes, I realize that much of this awareness may not come from reading. And yes, some of this awareness may come from the movies and television programs as well. This post, however, is focused specifically on the periodicals I read.

The following is a sample:

1. Each day, I look at the online editions of: The New York Times, The Washington Post, USA Today, The Drudge Report, and the World News websites. I typically look at the Sunday edition of the New York Times more closely. I usually glance at the lead article of the The New York Times Sunday Magazine. When reading these papers, I pay particular attention to the column that lists the most emailed articles.

2. The New York Times Book Review and The New York Review of Books. I skim through the print editions of both of these. I also look at the rankings of the books (both non-fiction and fiction) in The New York Times Book Review. These two periodicals help me keep up with what many people nationally are reading. Skimming these reviews surfaces common themes.

3. Conversations. A very good journal. The subtitle is: “A Forum for Authentic Transformation.” The most recent issue has articles by: Eugene Peterson, John Ortberg, Dallas Willard, and Richard Foster, etc. This journal typically offers much to feed the soul.

4. Christianity Today. I do not know of a better one-stop source for keeping up with Evangelical Christianity. In just about every issue, I find at least one article that is very interesting and thought provoking.

5. The Journal of Spiritual Formation and Soul Care. This is a fairly new journal that originates from Biola University. This journal is published twice a year and contains articles and book reviews that are thought provoking. It tends to be academic and scholarly and yet is tied to life in he church. There are often articles that focus on the practice of spiritual formation in a congregation and are helpful. I usually read one or two articles that really do cause me to think.

6. The Christian Chronicle. This is a monthly news paper that reports the news from Churches of Christ. It is a good newspaper and is one of the ways I am able to keep up with the ministries of others within our movement.

7. Periodically, I spend time in a library, such as the one at Baylor University, to skim through various scholarly theological journals. (See this list for a nice sample of these.) In particular, I will pay attention book reviews. There are also certain authors who have my attention whenever they write a new article or book.

8. Leadership Journal. A very good journal that continues to offer help and insight about ministry in a congregation. This journal is typically very practical. I am particularly interested in simply being able to look over another minister’s shoulder and see how this person thinks or does his work.

9. I occasionally go to the magazine area at Barnes & Noble or Borders and glance at the titles of articles on the covers of certain popular magazines. It is interesting how often common themes, needs and desires seem to surface in these titles.

I am not suggesting that you need to read the same journals or periodicals that I read. Your own reading may be very different from mine. Nevertheless, perhaps this will helpful to some.

 Question

What other periodicals do you read on a regular basis that you enjoy and/or find helpful?
  

If I Could Do It Over . . .

December 10, 2009 in A New Year with 4 Comments

What would you do differently?

The year has almost come to an end. Can you believe this?

Sometimes I think about what I might do if I could start the year (or years) over. There are some things I would do differently.

As a teenager, I used to play golf frequently at Tennison Golf Course in Dallas. I remember one of the first times I ever played. I hit a terrible drive and someone said, “Take a mulligan.” Mulligan is just another word for “do-over.” I remember taking a lot of mulligans at the golf course. There is nothing like a do-over!

As I think about 2009 and even earlier years, I wish I could have some do-overs. Yes, I know I am forgiven and am in a loving relationship with God. At the same time, I would like to go back and handle some situations differently. I would like to make some different decisions.

How about you? Do you ever wish for a do-over? Here are some do-over’s I would take if I had the opportunity.

1. I would enjoy the moment more. Far too often I have been anxious about the future instead of living fully in the moment. Can you relate to this? I remember once being on vacation. At the time, I was so concerned about some future event that it was difficult for me to enjoy the moment. Not only did I waste good energy on worry and anxiety, but I also missed the present moment which could have been fun.

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2. I would laugh more. Yes, we all experience difficult, frustrating, and anxiety-producing times in our lives. Yet, there is something to be said for laughter. A few evenings ago, I sat on our living room floor against a chair and watched an old Andy Griffith program on TV Land. Black and white. Old. Yet, for those few minutes, I laughed and laughed. It did me good! Charlotte and I once knew a woman who cut out cartoons from the Kansas City Star newspaper and posted them on the refrigerator door just to encourage her family to laugh. I am drawn to people who make me laugh. Such people often poke fun at themselves or tell stories that simply describe the lighter side of life.

3. I would spend less time worrying about people who choose to be miserable. I once thought that if a person did everything just right, then the people around him/her would be happy. I did not realize that there are some people who enjoy being miserable. There are others who have chosen to have a foul attitude. Yes, these people need ministry. However, such people can drain you dry if you get entangled emotionally with them.

4. I would pay more attention to people who need love and less time worrying about why I wasn’t being loved, or encouraged, or appreciated. Many people wallow in self-pity. I’ve been there and been defeated by it. Self-pity does no one any good. Furthermore, wallowing in such pity typically does not make a person feel any better. How sad to be a person who spends a lifetime feeling sorry for himself!

5. I would focus more on loving my wife and children in very practical ways. In most areas of my life, I am dispensable. One day, long after I am gone, my name will be recorded in the congregational history, in the list of ministers who served this congregation. The only thing that will separate me from the next minister will be a comma. Not so with my wife and children! I am the only husband and father that my wife and children have. They need to hear and see this love in very practical ways.

Are you the mother of two children? Are you a professor? Are you an auto mechanic? Are you a university student?

No matter who you are, you have probably learned from your past that knowledge will make all the difference in how you live in 2010.

Question:

What do you wish to do differently in the future than you did in the past?

(I posted something similar to this a few years ago. Nevertheless, these are words I still need to hear and remember.)

21st Century Ministry and 2 Corinthians (Part 6)

December 8, 2009 in Ministry with 10 Comments

Do you know what it is to lose heart and become discouraged in your ministry?

A few weeks ago I took my mother to Arkansas for the funeral of her brother. The funeral was in Monticello, Ark., a place that we used to go often when I was growing up. (Lots of good memories there.) To look at a map, it seems to be pretty easy to get there (coming from central Texas). You exit off I30 at Hope, Arkansas and then take Highway 278 all the way there. Sounds easy enough except along the way, the road occasionally changes directions and one sometimes has to make a left or right in order to stay on this road. At one point, I apparently missed a turn. We came to a stop sign and 278 was nowhere to be found. I turned my telephone on and looked at the map. I pushed one button and a blue light began flashing, showing me where we were on the map. We were not far off at all. It is amazing that a satellite can find me in my car in southern Arkansas!

John Ortberg has written: “… the irony of our day is that while maps have given way to global navigation systems; while a satellite can pinpoint our location and direct us from thousands of miles away, we have a lost a sense of moral or spiritual bearing. We have exponentially increased our ability to locate our bodies, but lost confidence in the capacity to locate or direction our souls.” (John Ortberg, Journal of Spiritual Formation and Soul Care, 2 (2009) p. 247)

Sometimes we just get lost in our ministries. We lose the sense of what God is doing in us and among us. We look at what is happening (or what doesn’t seem to be happening) in our ministries and wonder if any of this really matters. Am I doing any good here? Do my efforts matter? Why do I put myself through a ministry like this? Is anything happening here that in some way is contributing to God’s kingdom vision?

I recently read 2 Corinthians 4:1-7. Note for a moment these words in 4:1:

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Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.  

This is a wonderful verse but a terrible chapter break. This verse is actually a continuation of the argument that is going on in chapter 3. He has just spoken about the work of the Spirit in new covenant ministry. Notice how he closes chapter 3:

And we with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever – increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Because God is transforming our lives (3:7-18) and because we are in his mercy, we do not lose heart. God has begun this work in our lives. He is transforming people and is at work through his Spirit. We might have given up on the Corinthians. After all, think about this mess! Rampant immorality, division, and now there are opponents who say that Paul just doesn’t measure up. Yet, he doesn’t throw up his hands and say, “It is hopeless.” Rather, he says that we have been given this ministry by God’s mercy.

There are many reasons in the life of a church that might contribute to discouragement. Think about your own ministry at home, at work, or in the life of the congregation where you are. Do you ever wonder if you are doing any good as a wife or parent? Do you ever wonder if your witness at work really counts for anything? Do you ever wonder if your ministry in the congregation is making a difference?  

I have become discouraged and disheartened at times. There are times when outwardly, I just haven’t seen much to be encouraged about. Yet, perhaps the point here is that in spite of the way things may appear, God is at work mightily, through his Spirit, transforming people. He has not stopped working in spite of the way things may appear. We have this ministry by the mercy of God (4:1). This is a good reason for not becoming discouraged.

The good news: God has given us a ministry in which he is at work, through his Holy Spirit, in a powerful way, transforming people into his likeness. Believing this can not only keep us from losing heart, but will keep our eyes on the one who is really making a difference.   

Question

What sometimes discourages you in your everyday ministry? How does God’s promise of transforming people through his Spirit encourage you?

Places I’ve Been

December 4, 2009 in Places I've Been... with 2 Comments

Karen Spears Zacharias “The Pink Glove Dance.” This one is a feel good video. Very good.

san-gimignano.jpgFrank Bellizi has some nice reflections on the history of Fundamentalism. (One of several posts.) Frank is a good thinker and what he says is worth reading. “Fundamentalist Defeat and Reaction.”

Bob Clark has a very nice Edwin Friedman quote on his blog. Worth reading. “Sustaining the Mission”

Michael Hyatt wrote a very good post entitled, “The Gentle Art of Conversational Ping Pong.”

Sam Rainer has written a nice post: “A Simple Idea to Invigorate Corporate Prayer.”

Wade Hodges posted the video of Jimmy V’s 1993 ESPY Award’s Speech. I can’t watch this without getting teary eyed. Thanks Wade!

I enjoy reading Jeff Berryman. He is a wordsmith! Read “Ceasura.”

Scot McKnight reviewed a book this week entitled, Sin. This is a good post! “Lifting the Burden of Sin.”

L.L. Barkat’s new book of poems should be out soon. (I really like the cover.”) I have been enriched by reading her poetry through her very good blog.

Peter Scazzero has a nice illustration that focuses on the life cycle of emotionally healthy spirituality.

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