Comments on: 21 Ways to Upgrade Your Relationships (Part 1) http://godhungry.org/2010/01/28/21-ways-to-upgrade-your-relationships-part-1/ Attempting to connect life to what matters most Wed, 23 May 2012 03:39:25 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Jim Martin http://godhungry.org/2010/01/28/21-ways-to-upgrade-your-relationships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-9245 Jim Martin Sun, 31 Jan 2010 22:51:28 +0000 http://godhungry.org/?p=3339#comment-9245 Hi Ann, Thanks for your words. I applaud you and your husband for making the effort to schedule time with one child/on parent. How very, very important. We did this with each of our children (now adults) and I am so glad we did. Thanks. Hi Ann,
Thanks for your words. I applaud you and your husband for making the effort to schedule time with one child/on parent. How very, very important. We did this with each of our children (now adults) and I am so glad we did. Thanks.

]]> By: Jim Martin http://godhungry.org/2010/01/28/21-ways-to-upgrade-your-relationships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-9244 Jim Martin Sun, 31 Jan 2010 22:42:08 +0000 http://godhungry.org/?p=3339#comment-9244 Pat, Thank you for this comment and the story of a very difficult relationship. Actually, I think this is an "upgrade" in that you made some very good attempts to redefine this relationship. You attempted to keep it from remaining at a level that was draining and energy depleting. You attempted to move this to a different level. Instead remaining passive, you approached your friend and offered to work to create something different. Thanks so much for this story, Pat. Pat,
Thank you for this comment and the story of a very difficult relationship. Actually, I think this is an “upgrade” in that you made some very good attempts to redefine this relationship. You attempted to keep it from remaining at a level that was draining and energy depleting. You attempted to move this to a different level. Instead remaining passive, you approached your friend and offered to work to create something different. Thanks so much for this story, Pat.

]]> By: Ann Kroeker http://godhungry.org/2010/01/28/21-ways-to-upgrade-your-relationships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-9243 Ann Kroeker Sun, 31 Jan 2010 05:43:03 +0000 http://godhungry.org/?p=3339#comment-9243 I meant, of course, that this is my first visit to YOUR blog! I meant, of course, that this is my first visit to YOUR blog!

]]> By: Ann Kroeker http://godhungry.org/2010/01/28/21-ways-to-upgrade-your-relationships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-9242 Ann Kroeker Sun, 31 Jan 2010 05:18:17 +0000 http://godhungry.org/?p=3339#comment-9242 Hi there! This is my first visit to my blog--glad to make your acquaintance through the HighCallingBlogs network! This post is timely for me. One reason is because I'm reading excerpts from How to Win Friends and Influence People to my kids, and your #3 suggestion is similar to Carnegie's chapter 2, lavish people with honest, meaningful, and sincere praise and appreciation (I'm summarizing). So we've been trying to practice that these past few days. Sometimes it comes out in the form of gratitude. The other reason is because my husband and I have made an effort to schedule outings with just one parent + one child (we have four children). This gives each child one-on-one time with a parent, and that individual attention is proving to be a really important investment. Sounds like a great series--looking forward to catching more of it! Hi there! This is my first visit to my blog–glad to make your acquaintance through the HighCallingBlogs network!

This post is timely for me. One reason is because I’m reading excerpts from How to Win Friends and Influence People to my kids, and your #3 suggestion is similar to Carnegie’s chapter 2, lavish people with honest, meaningful, and sincere praise and appreciation (I’m summarizing). So we’ve been trying to practice that these past few days. Sometimes it comes out in the form of gratitude.

The other reason is because my husband and I have made an effort to schedule outings with just one parent + one child (we have four children). This gives each child one-on-one time with a parent, and that individual attention is proving to be a really important investment.

Sounds like a great series–looking forward to catching more of it!

]]> By: Pat http://godhungry.org/2010/01/28/21-ways-to-upgrade-your-relationships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-9241 Pat Sat, 30 Jan 2010 15:18:03 +0000 http://godhungry.org/?p=3339#comment-9241 I had a friendship of 20+ years that was lopsided. The other person dominated most conversations with what I came to regard as complaints about her life (rocky relationship with family, divorced, hard luck on jobs). Because I'm a listener, I was usually the passive one in the relationship relegated to offering that listening ear. Over time, it wore me down. Several years ago I withdrew and when I felt able, I approached her and let her know how I felt. She was receptive and made a conscious effort not to be so self-absorbed and to be more present in our relationship. However, a few of years went by and again, I felt worn down by what I perceived as a lot of complaining. I once again got my nerve up and told her that I was tired of all the complaining. To break up the tension that I was feeling, I made an unfortunate choice of jokes and said, "I don't want to be friends anymore; no I'm just kidding." Well, over a year went by without me hearing from this person after that conversation. One day I called her to apologize for offending her. What she said to me was, "I thought you made it clear you didn't want to be friends anymore" (this after I continued to send cards on holidays and birthdays that were not reciprocated). I explained to her my intent from our last conversation and even recounted the whole conversation. She thanked me, gave me up an update on her children and said that everything in her life was okay and that's how the conversation ended. After that call, I decided that if our relationship was meant to be, God would have to bring us together. Ever since that last conversation, I can honestly say that I do not miss our relationship. I think of her from time to time, but I don't miss the friendship. I believe that there are times in our lives in which we grow apart from people and sometimes it's for the best. Out of my experience, I found my voice and was able to tell someone close to me how I felt and how their actions were dragging me down. If she were to call me today, I'd talk, but I'm a different person and certainly wouldn't sit back allowing her to dump on me. So, while this sounds counter to what you're saying, I'm actually agreeing with your point about taking an initiative with one's relationships and in some instances that might not mean an upgrading of the relationship. It could mean that the relationship will end or change dramatically, but maybe it's a different type of upgrade. Maybe it's an upgrade of one's own self as in my case. But it could mean an upgrade in a relationship in which both people mature and are better people for their encounter and the relationship is taken to a whole new, healthy level. I had a friendship of 20+ years that was lopsided. The other person dominated most conversations with what I came to regard as complaints about her life (rocky relationship with family, divorced, hard luck on jobs). Because I’m a listener, I was usually the passive one in the relationship relegated to offering that listening ear. Over time, it wore me down. Several years ago I withdrew and when I felt able, I approached her and let her know how I felt. She was receptive and made a conscious effort not to be so self-absorbed and to be more present in our relationship. However, a few of years went by and again, I felt worn down by what I perceived as a lot of complaining. I once again got my nerve up and told her that I was tired of all the complaining. To break up the tension that I was feeling, I made an unfortunate choice of jokes and said, “I don’t want to be friends anymore; no I’m just kidding.” Well, over a year went by without me hearing from this person after that conversation. One day I called her to apologize for offending her. What she said to me was, “I thought you made it clear you didn’t want to be friends anymore” (this after I continued to send cards on holidays and birthdays that were not reciprocated). I explained to her my intent from our last conversation and even recounted the whole conversation. She thanked me, gave me up an update on her children and said that everything in her life was okay and that’s how the conversation ended. After that call, I decided that if our relationship was meant to be, God would have to bring us together. Ever since that last conversation, I can honestly say that I do not miss our relationship. I think of her from time to time, but I don’t miss the friendship. I believe that there are times in our lives in which we grow apart from people and sometimes it’s for the best. Out of my experience, I found my voice and was able to tell someone close to me how I felt and how their actions were dragging me down. If she were to call me today, I’d talk, but I’m a different person and certainly wouldn’t sit back allowing her to dump on me. So, while this sounds counter to what you’re saying, I’m actually agreeing with your point about taking an initiative with one’s relationships and in some instances that might not mean an upgrading of the relationship. It could mean that the relationship will end or change dramatically, but maybe it’s a different type of upgrade. Maybe it’s an upgrade of one’s own self as in my case. But it could mean an upgrade in a relationship in which both people mature and are better people for their encounter and the relationship is taken to a whole new, healthy level.

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