Archive - February, 2010

Will Jesus Buy Me a Double-Wide?

February 23, 2010 in Books with 54 Comments

Read this book.

Karen Spears Zacharias has written a very good book!

Will Jesus Buy Me A Double-Wide?  

Of course, the title and cover immediately had my attention. I liked the table of contents and the creative way that she tagged each one of the major characters featured in her chapters.

She handles the issue of the prosperity gospel quite well. Not only does she raise important questions but she provides enough stories to document this problem again and again. As I read the chapters, I found myself thinking several times, “Oh yea, I forgot about him!” (as with Rev. Ike) Zacharias.jpg

Other stories are inspiring and uplifting. She writes numerous stories of what God is doing through various men and women. I found these stories heart-warming, encouraging, and motivating.

Karen Spears Zacharias is a great storyteller! For example, in the final chapter, she paints such a clear picture of her and her sister driving around, looking for a Starbucks and then seeing a Rolls Royce. That began an interesting conversation and an adventure. The picture she paints in this story is so clear, I felt as if I could see each one of these people.

Would you like a free copy of her book? I will be giving away autographed copies to two people who make comments on this post. In fact, Karen Spears Zacharias has even agreed to call the winners to talk about the book, if you like.

A drawing will be held in my office in just a few days. Again, if you would like to enter, be sure to leave a comment.

Now here is a taste of this book:

After Daddy died, Mama paid $6,000 for a single-wide trailer, a 12 X 60. It was the first home our family owned. It had plywood walls so thin you could hear a roach grunt, and the only insulation from the outside elements was a feather pillow clutched down over your head during winter or a cooling rag filled with ice cubes for the sticky nights of a Georgia summer.

We moved that trailer five times in six years. Corner lots in the trailer parks were the most coveted because they usually had the biggest yards. Wealthy people lived in trailers with tip-outs. The very rich lived in double-wides. My friend Karin Paris and her brother lived in a double-wide with their mama. They really had it made — all that space for only three people. We had twice as many people living in a trailer half as big.

While I no longer live in a house balanced on cinder blocks the way I did in my youth, I recognize that almost all of my life’s truly meaningful moments took place in a trailer. I had my first kiss in a trailer. I smoked my first and last cigarette in a trailer. I asked Jesus into my heart on bended knee in a trailer. And I gave birth to my firstborn child on my mama’s bed in a trailer.

Given my druthers, I’d rather reside in a mansion carved from marble than a 12 X 60 crafted from aluminum siding. Still, I know without question that God’s love for me or his favor toward me is not manifested in whether I live at the end of a dirt road in a trailer or around an emerald bend in a gated community comprised of McMansions. Proof of God’s love is not found in the square footage of our homes or the number of cars our garage will hold. God’s love is not evident in our net worth at all. It’s found in the same place it has always been, at the foot of a rough-hewn and bloodied cross.


If You Could Change One Thing About Your Church

February 22, 2010 in Ministry with 5 Comments

What is it that would help your church be more effective in its ministry?

I suspect that the answers to such a question might be varied. For example, some might say they wish that someone would give more attention to what actually happens during a Sunday morning worship service. Others might say that they wish their church offered more for children or teenagers. Still others might suggest that the preaching could be more engaging, challenging, or relevant.

What about your congregation? What would help your congregation in its practices?contrast_02.jpg

Maybe you see room for improvement in a certain area. In seeing such a need and acknowledging it, you are not discounting your church. Nor are you suggesting that the leaders of your church are not making an effort and working hard. (You may be one of those leaders!) No, you are simply paying attention to the effectiveness of your church and acknowledging what you see.

There are no perfect congregations. A church may have a vibrant worship service that week after week does a wonderful job of ushering the church into the presence of God. Yet, it may have a children’s ministry that is sorely lacking. Or, a church may have an exciting teen ministry and yet have an assembly in which the preaching is dull, lifeless, and predictable. Or, a church may have a wonderful ministry to the poor and yet the singing/praise time on Sunday mornings is mediocre and does little to engage people.

Now why wouldn’t someone acknowledge that a church is not effective in a particular area? Sometimes a person might feel as if she or he is being disloyal if he or she acknowledges that something in the congregation is not very effective. Other people hesitate acknowledging a needed area of improvement because the person leading in that area happens to be friend. “How could I say that the preaching is lacking in some way? John is my friend. After all that he has done for my family, I couldn’t ever say that.” Finally, others do not acknowledge an area that needs improvement because they have grown accustomed to mediocrity. Consequently, the children’s ministry rocks along year after year, frustrating parents and offering very little. Or, the old church sign with the crooked letters stays that way while people come and go.

The first step in addressing these issues is paying attention to the ministry of the congregation week after week and being willing to acknowledge what is and what is not effective.

Question:

What is it that would help your church be more effective in its ministry?   

An Honest Cry

February 18, 2010 in Books, Ministry with 6 Comments

You might be interested in a book that was just released. An Honest Cry: Sermons from the Psalms in Honor of Prentice A. Meador Jr. is a book dedicated to the memory of a man who touched many.   

This book is a compilation of sermons on the Psalms. Each writer was impacted by Prentice in some way. The book opens with a very interesting and insightful chapter by his son, Mark. There are sermons in this book by Bob Chisholm, Royce Money, Jack Reese, Gary Holloway, Landon Saunders, Mike Cope, Chris Seidman, David Rubio, Scott Sager, Tom A. Jones, Collin Packer, Harold Hazelip, Lynn Anderson, Rick Atchley, Jennings Davis, Ken Durham, John York, and Tim Spivey.

My own contribution to this book is a sermon based on Psalm 73 and entitled “What’s the Use?” Meador.jpg

Prentice Meador was an encourager, a mentor, and a guide to me and so many others. I learned by watching him, being with him on various occasions, and listening to his preaching. He would occasionally call me to tell me that he had recommended me to a church. Was that ever encouraging to a young minister! On other occasions, he called to encourage me about my preaching or something I had written. About fifteen years ago, after learning that I had major surgery, he called me while I was still in the hospital and prayed with me over the phone. That meant so much to me.

Not long after moving to Waco almost seventeen years ago, I began having lunches with Prentice, usually a few times a year. No matter how busy he was, he always seemed to be fully present during these times. He was patient as I asked question after question about ministry. These lunches and numerous telephone calls were encouraging times for me. I am so thankful.   

The book is published by Leafwood Publishers and can be purchased here.   

How to Ruin a Good Relationship

February 16, 2010 in Emotional Maturity, Fear, Relationships with 0 Comments

Lots of people are looking for the right relationship. Yet, so often these same people will then contribute to the demise of what otherwise might have been a very good relationship.

A few examples:

A woman thinks she has found a new friend. She becomes acquainted with another woman at work who is about her same age and they come from a similar background. They enjoy going to lunch and talking, and seem to have much in common. Yet, in a few months, the relationship ends and yes, there is lots of drama. This seems to happen again and again.

A minister and his wife have recently moved to a new community where he has begun working with a church in this new setting. He is excited about the new possibilities. Yet, in less than twelve months, it all changes. He is in major conflict with this congregation.

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A guy and girl meet and everything seems right. She seems to have so many qualities that he has always wanted in another person. She thinks the same about him. In fact, this relationship seems “special.” Yet, in a matter of months things change. In spite of what they have invested in the relationship, neither will address his or her own issues.

Very often, the one phrase that might be repeated in each of these situations is:

“I just don’t know what happened.”

A few observations:

1. New relationships are often great opportunities to grow, mature, and develop. Yet, for many people these relationships are just another occasion to make the same old mistakes again and again. For example, a person with much pent-up anger may find that his anger seems to be a recurring issue in his relationships. Yet, if this anger is never really dealt with, he will walk away from the ashes of a broken relationship, concluding that the end is due to the other person and her issues.

2. Very often, there are some identifiable patterns that begin to emerge as we look back at our past relationships. For example, some ministers have certain patterns regarding their ministry. They enter a congregation full of hope and promise. They believe that this congregation is really good (not like the last one). This church has good elders, good deacons, etc. Then, some sort of conflict happens. The minister is very “willful” and angry in the way he handles himself. Often the intensity of the conflict seems much greater to the church than it does to this minister. (“Everybody loves me here. I just have a few people who seem to have it in for me.”) Little does he know that this is “the beginning of the end.”

3. Some people will not seek help because of their own blindness, pride, or fear. Perhaps they are afraid of the pain that is deep within and rather than face the pain and mature, they try to avoid dealing with it. In the meantime, pain that is not addressed can often be a negative energy that destroys good relationships.

Suggestions:

1. Focus on being the kind of person you ought to be instead of finding the kind of person you desire.

2. Get help for your pain (especially pain that is deep and/or traumatic). Yes, it can be frightening to face the pain. Many people simply try to avoid dealing with pain, thinking that it will go away. Yet, working with a good counselor to process such pain can be absolutely freeing!

3. Pay attention to clues regarding destructive patterns in your life. Is there a pattern of anger or perhaps conflict avoidance? Are there other unhealthy patterns in your own behavior that continue to reoccur?


Question:

What do you need to do right now for your own well-being and to avoid needlessly ruining a good relationship? What have you been avoiding? What could you do this week that might be a step of courage?   

   

What is Your Prayer for Your Children?

February 9, 2010 in Family/Marriage, Prayer with 13 Comments

If you as a parent are not praying for your children, then who is?

This occurred to me a few years ago as I thought about my prayer life and my own children. If I am not praying for my own children, then who is? Perhaps one of the greatest gifts that I can give to my children is faithful prayer.

Our children, whether small children or adults, live in a very difficult world. How important and encouraging for mom and dad to lift them up in prayer every single day of their lives.

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My two children are now adults. One is married and the other is single. They each live a great distance from Charlotte and me. In some ways, we have little influence over what they

do each day. Yet, we lift them up in prayer each day, believing God will work intimately and powerfully in their lives wherever they are. We believe that God loves them, cares for them, and calls them to live under his rule. It is important that we pray for them.


Question:

What is your prayer for your children?

21st Century Ministry and 2 Corinthians (Part 7)

February 7, 2010 in Ministry with 4 Comments

I am reading 2 Corinthians and thinking about ministry.

She was teaching her high school class one day. The class brought up a particular subject. She asked them how they would go about finding information regarding that subject. She expected they would all say that they would Google the subject and see what came up. No, that wasn’t the answer she got. She said that many of them told her that they would ask, “ChaCha.” I then asked her, “What is chacha?” She said, “Those were my exact words to them.” ChaCha is a way that you can send a text message and then get an answer in just a few seconds.

Here are some of the most popular questions on ChaCha:

*What are some of the top business schools in the country?

*Where can I find a laptop for under $300?

*Where can you watch free movies online?

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*How do you make salsa?

It is amazing what you can learn just by texting.

The future is going to be amazing. Just think of the technological advancements over the last fifty years. Who knows what our future holds?

Yet, what is even more remarkable than any technological or cultural advancement, is the story of what God has done in the past, in the present, and in the future. As we complete this

first decade in the 21st century, it is very important that we pay attention to the work of God as the story of his love, grace, and kingdom unfolds. Far too often, we focus our

ministries on what we are doing or what we need to do. If we are not careful, our ministries can be totally focused on our strategies, our tactics, and our goals, to the neglect of God’s work in our ministries. Note that I am not suggesting that we should not plan, have specific goals or develop strategies in our congregations. Yet, if we neglect to pay attention to the great work of God in history through his church and through the congregation we make a great mistake. We may begin to think that we bear the complete responsibility for the results of our ministries.

Think for a moment about God’s work and the impact of his work on our ministries:   

We have hope because God controls the calendar, not fate. (4:16) Yes, our bodies are “wasting away,” but the greater reality is that there is ongoing renewal into the image of Christ. In other words, because of what God has in store for us, the present is not something that we have to lose heart over. Now he is not trying to minimize the trials that you or anyone else might experience. Rather, he wants to put all of our difficulties (including his own) into God-centered perspective. No matter what, in Christ, we have hope!

We have confidence because of what God has done and what he will do. God raised Jesus from the dead (4:14). He doesn’t lose heart in the midst of physical decay (4:16). There is an eternal dwelling, a home, for us beyond this existence (5:1). God is active and has built us a home. The future dependant on the one who has been at work.

We look to the future with joy because the Holy Spirit who lives within us is God’s down payment of what is to come. (5:5)

We will one day have new bodies in the age to come. (5:1-5) We will not be disembodied spirits or souls floating through the air. What we have to look forward to is better than our present situation.

Question:

Why is it important to stay focused on God’s actions in the church and our congregations?


21 Ways to Upgrade Your Relationships (Part 2)

February 4, 2010 in Family/Marriage, Relationships with 4 Comments

Upgrading relationships is not about fixing other people. Rather it is about being intentional toward others.  

(You can read Part 1 here)

Consider these possibilities for upgrading your relationships.


4. Be intentional about loving another. After all, loving God and loving others are the greatest commandments according to Jesus. One place to begin loving others is your relationships with your spouse, children, co-workers, and friends.

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You might find it helpful to reflect on the following questions:

Can my commitment to love others really be seen in tangible, practical actions toward my present relationships? Do I take intentional loving actions toward these people?


5. Receive these individuals just as they are. In contrast, some people, in their relationships, are constantly critiquing and evaluating others.

Recently, I looked for another car, a used car. (Perhaps I should use the language of the car lots. I was looking for a pre-owned car.) After weeks of walking through car lot after car lot, I finally found a particular car that really caught my interest. I began to give serious thought to buying this car. Before buying this car, however, I inspected this car several times. I drove it. I walked around it, keeping my eyes peeled for any dent, nick, or blemish. I inspected the inside of this car, carefully looking for any cut or tear in the fabric or any sort of spot. I did not want to purchase this car and then get home only to realize that I had not inspected it close enough. Inspecting a car like this can be very helpful when buying a car. It is not good to practice this in relationships.

My wife, children, and friends do not need my constant critique and evaluation. Rather, they need for me to receive them and love them just the way they are.


6. Be quick to apologize. I have a friend who once had a strong disagreement with a close friend. In the course of the disagreement, the friend made some very insulting and hurtful remarks to the other guy. As a result, their friendship had a rift for many years. At one point my friend said, “If the relationship is to continue, I will have to move on past these remarks.” I then asked, “Did he ever apologize to you?” My friend said, “I’ve known him for a long time. He is not the kind of person who ever apologizes for anything.

How sad. We all blunder. We all mess up. We all make mistakes. Perhaps you make a thoughtless remark or an attempt to be humorous is taken as an insult. Yet, we enhance our relationships if we are quick to apologize.


Question:

What is important to you as you think about your own behavior in relationships? What especially does damage to significant relationships?



Book Nuggets: Leaders Who Last

February 1, 2010 in Emotional Maturity, Relationships, Self-Care with 6 Comments

“We can in fact manage ourselves, if we choose to. We cannot control others. But we can offer our point of view, challenge them, and give them room to respond.”leaders.jpb.jpg

Not long ago, I read Leaders Who Last by Margaret J. Marcuson. The book is helpful, not only for those in a formal leadership role, but for anyone who is in a church environment and trying to navigate the various relationships. The book is a fine discussion of Systems Theory as applied to a church context. However, the principles in the book are applicable to many other contexts as well.

The following are some quotes which I think are particularly meaningful:

Here is the heart of what it takes to sustain leadership. We move from the impossible — controlling others — to the merely difficult — managing ourselves. When I hear leaders begin with a question like, “How can I get them to . . . ? then I know that different questions need to be asked: “What is my part in the problem? How can I clarify what I think on this issue? How can I clearly communicate my own point of view?” We can in fact manage ourselves, if we choose to. We cannot control others. But we can offer our point of view, challenge them, and give them room to respond.” (p. 3-4)

We need a sense of self apart from the response we receive. When we are less dependent on the approval of others, we can be more effective in our ministry. (p. 6)

Learning how balance is maintained in systems, how people create triangles, and how ways of relating are passed down through the generations will help us sustain our leadership with less frustration and more clarity. (p. 6)

When leaders take a stand, people react automatically. But over time chances are most will come along if the leader calmly stays on course while nurturing relationships with the congregation. (p. 13)

An overfunctioner takes too much responsibility, while an underfunctioner does not take enough responsibility. (p. 13)

Overfunctioners are common among clergy and lay leaders. They look at underfunctioners and think, “If they would just shape up, everything would be fine around here.” (p. 14)

Leaders make a difference by the nature of their presence in the system, not by anxiously trying to fix everything and everyone. (p. 16)