Archive - June, 2010

What Will This Child Call You?

June 29, 2010 in My Family with 25 Comments

Our first grandchild (a boy) is due on September 1.noname.jpg

This past weekend, Christine and Phillip were here for their first baby shower. Jamie was here as well and so we all had a very enjoyable weekend.

They asked me a question, however, that is very difficult. In fact, I don’t have an answer yet.


“What do you want this child to call you?”


“Jim?” (Ok, I wasn’t serious.).

I still have no idea.

What are the options? Grandpa, granddad, grandfather, pop, papa, pappy, big papa, big daddy, pop-pop, paw-paw, pa, pa-paw and poppy. Are there more?

What did you call your grandfather?


Ministry Inside.8

June 24, 2010 in Ministry with 4 Comments

1. Just read Jcoffeemagic.jpgohn Ortberg’s reflections on reading. Very good and very refreshing, particularly if you feel behind in your reading.

2. You might watch this video on strategic listening by business author and consultant Tom Peters. Those of us who are ministers really need to pay attention to what he is saying about the critical importance of learning to listen. You can find the video here.

3. I am reading The Drama of Scripture by Craig G. Bartholomew and Michael W. Goheen. Excellent! I am reading this as a part of my preparation for a series of messages this fall on the big story in Scripture. During the months of June/July/August, I will be preparing for this series, which will begin sometime after Labor Day. Years ago, I learned that it was much easier to present a series of messages by preparing months in advance instead of living from week to week. Some people preach only “microwave” messages. On Monday or Tuesday they decide what they are going to preach the following Sunday. Then they scramble for a few days to prepare the message. There is not much time to let it “cook.” Now that is a difficult way to live from week to week.

I have found it to be far easier and more satisfying to use the crock pot as my primary image for preaching instead of the microwave. With “crock pot preaching,” messages are begun far in advance. There is time to read, think, and simply let ideas and thoughts soak. Yes, this takes some discipline, but this allows one the time to really think through what is going to be presented. It is also a much less stressful way of living.

4. A very significant article, “The End of Men,” has just been published in the July/August (2010) edition of The Atlantic Journal. Note these opening lines:

“Earlier this year, women became the majority of the workforce for the first time in U.S. history. Most managers are now women too. And for every two men who get a college degree this year, three women will do the same. For years, women’s progress has been cast as a struggle for equality. But what if equality isn’t the end point? What if modern, post-industrial society is simply better suited to women? A report on the unprecedented role reversal now under way—and its vast cultural consequences.”

5. Do your church members express gratitude to one another? Far too often, men and women serve for years and never hear the words “thank you” for what they are doing. For example, here is a group of people who regularly prepare meals at church gatherings. They do this as volunteers not receiving one dime of compensation for the hours they work to prepare this meal for several hundred people. Then at the meal, one person expresses his frustration with the group because they ran out of iced tea. Then another complains because he likes black-eyed peas rather than the green beans that they served. No thanks. No gratitude expressed. Just demands. This happens far too often in many church gatherings.

There is an incredible power in simply expressing heartfelt gratitude. Church leaders could inject something very powerful into their congregation’s culture by intentionally looking for people to thank.


What Would You Give Up for an Affair?

June 22, 2010 in Family/Marriage with 14 Comments

Years ago I knew a couple whose marriage was coming unraveled. The couple was in their 30s. They had children. She had just learned that her husband had been having an affair with a person at work. There was much hurt, turmoil, and brokenness. She was ready to leave him. She was not going to live with a man who would practice such deception and break their marriage vows.relationships1.jpg

He woke up.

I talked with them one day. He told her how ashamed he was of his behavior. He cried. She cried. She recoiled in hurt. He seemed to almost crumble on the floor. He literally begged her not to give up on him and on their marriage. He spoke of his shame and failure. He begged for her forgiveness.

I was about 27 years old. I had never been close to anyone who was experiencing such heartache. I remember thinking that this wasn’t like it was on television or in the movies. On television, a married person might begin a relationship with someone else. There is laughter. One person says that he has never been happier. Sometimes the affair is romanticized to the point that the viewer wonders if he is not missing something by not having an affair. So often the focus is on the self and who seems to be getting their selfish desires met.

However, real men of character will never, ever throw their family under the bus while they chase their lustful fantasy with a new found “honey.”

Women of character will never do this either.

Yet, again and again it happens. A husband or wife begins a relationship with another person. This person has already made a promise before God that she/he would be faithful in marriage. After all, marriage is a covenant with God. A person marries and is in an exclusive relationship with a husband or wife.

Yet, later on, some married people put more energy into the pursuit of a lustful fantasy than they do their marriage. The marriage covenant is violated. As a result, another marriage ends. A person has chosen disobedience to God over obedience. This person has decided to take life into his own hands, making whatever selfish decision he believes is necessary in order to feel good.

  • Smaller children experience the trauma of a mother or father leaving their home.
  • Older children realize that their mom or dad has put their own desires before their family.
  • Trust is fractured and even broken.
  • Friendships are broken.
  • There is much hurt, heartache and disappointment.  

Marriage is often difficult.

Sometimes there are seasons during which a marriage is dry and even rocky. During these seasons, many men and women will often put great energy into their marriage. They will get counseling. They will seek to work through their problems. Some of these marriages get significantly better. Some do not.

Yet, adultery is never the answer. Not for a person who loves God and seeks to live in obedience to him. Not for a person of character.


Question:

What would you add to the list above? What are some of the everyday costs of sexual unfaithfulness? What have you observed?


  

Congratulations!

June 19, 2010 in Books with 1 Comment

Congratulations to Shelley from Toronto, Canada! Her name was drawn for the recent book giveaway. She will receive a copy of Lynn Anderson’s new book, Talking Back to God: Speaking Your Heart to God Through the Psalms.

Thanks for all of you who left your names in comments last week.

Ministry Inside.7

June 17, 2010 in Ministry with 0 Comments

1. William Willimon has written a very good piece entitled “ coffeemagic.jpg Major Moves in Ministry.” Specifically he addresses moves that ministers/pastors/church leaders must make in our day. Willimon is a good thinker, a prolific writer, and an outstanding preacher. I read whatever he writes.

2. Do you ever read Bob Buford’s blog (founder of Leadership Network)? His observations about both culture and the church are very insightful. Buford reads widely and often has several nuggets on in his blog. See his latest post, “The Great Reset.”

3. One’s own credibility as a Christian leader is very important. How tragic when a Christian leader develops a reputation for arrogance, rudeness, and having a sharp tongue. Even though this person may preach good sermons and have good ideas/insights about ministry, this minister/pastor/church leader may be discounted by others because of a track record of immature behavior. (This does not even begin to address that such behavior is beneath what a Christ-follower has been called to be.)

4. Have you seen some of the videos from “The Nines?” In 2009 Leadership Network asked 75 leaders, “If you had just nine minutes to share with Christian leaders, what would you tell them?” The videos are available here. For a sample, see Rick Warren speak about the perpetual immaturity of some church members.

5. Recently, I have particularly enjoyed Scot McKnight’s series, “Jesus the Benefactor.” Go here for a sample of this very good series.

6. This week, I wrote to a number of men (about two dozen) in our congregation asking them to help me think through two issues related to being a man today. I am thinking about these issues in light of Father’s Day. I asked these guys two questions:

What concerns you most about men today? (or you might complete this sentence: “I am concerned about men today because many men seem to be _________________”)

In what one area would you especially like to grow as a Christian man?

What I received in reply to these two questions was so helpful. These guys really thought through their responses. Occasionally, I will ask men and women in our church questions like these. Usually I do this through e-mail. The insight that I gain to responses from people in our congregation is incredibly helpful.

7. You can now access my notes from the three messages I gave at the recent Austin Graduate School of Theology Sermon Seminar. These notes were distributed at the seminar. The document not only includes some reflections on ministry in general but my actual speaking notes from a series of messages that delivered in Waco on 2 Corinthians 1- 6:10. Perhaps you will find this helpful. Second Corinthians–pdf


Question: What Concerns You Most About Men Today?

June 15, 2010 in Emotional Maturity, Family/Marriage, Leadership, Mentoring with 10 Comments

This Sunday is Father’s Day.father-and-son.jpg

This is a time in which many men will be thinking about their own roles as fathers.

I am also thinking this week about what it means to be a man.

So let me raise this question: What concerns you most about men today?

For example, here are a few of my concerns:

1. Some men can not be counted on. They do not support their wives or their children. They avoid dealing with matters in their lives that really need their attention. They avoid, neglect, and dodge. Meanwhile, the various situations often just continue to deteriorate.

2. Some men say the right things but then seem to forget that reality is shaped not just by what they say but what they do. Some men talk but then rarely follow through.

3. Some men manipulate. They have learned how to get what they want but at any cost. They have gone through life manipulating women and men. Now, they manipulate their wives and children. For example, a man may want a new car. In fact, he might make the decision to buy that car. Yet, instead of just telling his wife this, he begins to manipulate her until she gives in. Then he tells everyone that they both thought this was best. “I found the car but she was the one who said, ‘Let’s get it!’ You know how she is when she makes up her mind.” Hmmm.

4. Some men recognize characteristics in their own fathers that they don’t want to repeat. However, some of these same men are so lacking in self-awareness that they continue to behave in other undesirable ways (often like their dads). For example, a man may say that he does not want to be self-absorbed like his dad even while he continues to impulsively spend money like his dad.

5. Some men have no passion for the things that matter most to Jesus. Consequently, a family may only see a man’s passion as it relates to his favorite football team, fishing, hunting, or some other interest. Meanwhile, this same man may almost yawn when opportunities surface that could make a real difference in someone’s life.

6. Some men are passive. They spend hour after hour sitting in their recliners watching television. They sit by passively and wait for their wives to take action with their children. They passively watch life go by not really investing in their marriages. They take no action and no initiative. Rather, they wait for someone else to make the first move. Do they ever show any passion? Sure. Just watch what happens when something gets in the way of being able to see the big game or their favorite program!

These are a few of my concerns. Yet, I could also tell you about some of the wonderful qualities of a number of men with whom I continue to be impressed. In fact, within the last few days, Charlotte and I have talked about several men (a variety of ages) who continue to impress us both. I think of men who take action, who want to make a real difference, and who stand up for their wives and children. I think of men who I know are trustworthy. They are loyal to their wives. I know men who have backbone and who will stand up for what is right. I could go on.

I am interested in hearing from you regarding this.


Question:

What concerns you as you observe some men?


Ministry Inside.6

June 10, 2010 in Ministry with 11 Comments

Each Thursday this summer, I am posting “Ministry Inside” with ministers/church leaders in mind. Please let me know if you find this helpful.

1. Have you spent any time with Google books? You might want to consider this wonderful source of e-books. If you are not familiar with this, you might be amazed at what is available online. If you go to the site, try experimenting with several searches. Enter the name of an author or subject and look at the results.coffee_cup (1).jpg

2. Randy Harris (ACU) posted on his blog recently: “You need a song, a passage of scripture and a paragraph from a book to sustain your ministry.” Be sure to read the encouraging posts in which he elaborates upon this statement. You can find these posts here and here.

3. People love to hear their name. This is why it means so much to others when you make the effort to remember their name. Maybe you have to ask them a couple of times. Reasonable people will appreciate your effort to know their name. In conversation, I will occasionally use that person’s name. Why? I think that it is a part of being fully present in that moment. Don’t underestimate the importance of this as you interact with others in a congregation.

4. Daniel Harkavy has an excellent blog. He is an executive coach who is very down to earth and often addresses matters which are really important.

5. Have you read Margaret Marcuson’s excellent book Leaders Who Last ? Clear. Concise. Speaks of leadership from a Systems perspective. She does a very good job of connecting Systems thinking with congregational life. I read through this book twice.

6. Periodically, I spend some time reflecting on my life and the state of my overall being. In particular, I am looking for gaps or perhaps a signal that something is being neglected. For example, I know ministers who are very disciplined readers but completely ignore their bodies. While they develop their minds, they get no exercise and have a poor diet. Some of these same people are very serious about what they read but then will laugh about neglecting their bodies.

I reflect on the various dimensions of my life and consider what I might be neglecting. Am I neglecting the development of my mind? Am I neglecting key relationships? Am I neglecting my emotions? This kind of self-reflection has been very important to me.

7. In ministry, trust is EVERYTHING. If you are with a congregation for any length of time, people will come to know you. They will know if you are trustworthy. They will know whether you tend to reveal what others have told you in confidence. They will know whether or not you are safe. They will know whether or not you really care. They will know.


Words to Remember from Mother Teresa

June 9, 2010 in Books, Spiritual Disciplines, Spiritual Formation, Spiritual Life with 6 Comments

I am reading Henri Nouwen’s book mother-teresa.jpg Spiritual Direction.

It is very good.

I love the following story about an exchange between Nouwen and Mother Teresa. As you read this excerpt from the book, think about the significance of her response to Nouwen after he had the opportunity to share some of his concerns:

Once, quite a few years ago, I had the opportunity of meeting Mother Teresa of Calcutta. I was struggling with many things at the time and decided to use the occasion to ask Mother Teresa’s advice. As soon as we sat down I started explaining all my problems and difficulties — trying to convince her of how complicated it all was! When, after ten minutes of elaborate explanation, I finally became quiet, Mother Teresa looked at me and quietly said: “Well, when you spend one hour a day adoring your Lord and never do anything which you know is wrong . . . you will be fine!”

When she said this, I realized, suddenly, that she had punctured my big balloon of complex self-complaints and pointed me far beyond myself to the place of real healing. Reflecting on this brief but decisive encounter, I realized that I had raised a question from below and that she had given me an answer from above. At first, her answer didn’t seem to fit my question, but then I began to see that her answer came from God’s place and not from the place of my complaints. Most of the time we respond to questions from below with answers from below. The result is often more confusion. Mother Teresa’s answer was like a flash of lightning in my darkness.

(p. 5)


Question

What do you think about her response? How might her response actually be refreshing?



Free Book Giveaway (Talking Back to God)

June 8, 2010 in Books, Prayer with 10 Comments

This week, I will be giving away a free copy of Lynn Anderson’s new book, Talking Back to God: Speaking Your Heart to God Through the Psalms.TalkingBack.jpg

This is a book that Lynn Anderson has been living, long before he even wrote the first page. Through the years, I have had the opportunity to catch a glimpse as to how the Psalms have impacted Lynn Anderson’s life and consequently his teaching and mentoring. The book is also a wonderful opportunity to step into the life of a man who has walked with Jesus for many years and yet who is still very intentional about his own growth.

This is a helpful book for anyone who wants to be intentional about prayer and in one’s own use of the Psalms. Lynn Anderson’s book is a guide to personal prayer. It is also a book that gives practical help in using these Psalms for one’s own spiritual formation.

The book is both practical, inspirational and can be a helpful guide. I think you will be glad you read this book.

To be eligible to win a copy of the book, simply leave a comment in one of this week’s posts, beginning today.

(The winner to be announced next week)

Do This and Your Conversations Will Never Be the Same

June 4, 2010 in Conversations, Family/Marriage, Ministry, Relationships with 9 Comments

Now this will make a real difference in your conversations with family, friends, co-workers, and others you interact with every day.attention.jpg

This is a quality I first recognized in the man who would eventually become my father-in-law.

I had graduated from college and was living in North Alabama. My longtime friend from Dallas had come to visit me. I wanted to introduce him to Charlotte’s father. (Charlotte and I had begun dating.) He was the president of a small Bible college. I had come to admire him and wanted my friend to meet him. As we entered his office, he invited us to sit down. He then picked up his telephone and asked his assistant to hold his calls:

“I have two gentlemen in my office.” (We were 22 years old. Neither one of us was used to being referred to as a gentleman.)

For a few minutes, he gave us his undivided attention.

I never forgot that moment.

This is where I learned the value of giving another person one’s undivided attention.

Far too often, what people receive instead is our divided attention.

  • A parent is talking with her child. Yet, as she talks, she continues to look at her phone. She checks her text messages and even sends a few texts. Meanwhile, the child is doing the same with her own phone.
  • Two people go to lunch together. Yet, instead of giving one another undivided attention, they continue to check their telephones for texts, voice messages, new tweets, Facebook status updates, etc.
  • A parent sits in his car waiting in line to pick up his young child from school. The parent talks on the phone as he waits. Finally, the child approaches the car. As the child opens the car door, the dad smiles at the child but continues to talk on the telephone. The child fastens his seat belt and they slowly drive away with the dad still talking on the telephone. Is this an urgent call? Perhaps. Yet, many teachers observe this almost every day. The child looks forward to seeing her mom or dad. Yet, she is not greeted by a parent giving undivided attention. Instead, mom or dad continues to talk on the phone.

Technology is wonderful. But something is wrong when we allow technology to get in the way of real live face to face communication with other people. There really is a time to ignore the devices and give another human being a very important gift:


Your undivided attention.


Listen to what that person is saying. Listen to the words and to the emotion behind the words.

Pay attention to that person. Give that person your full attention.

Be fully present.

Give a person your undivided attention and your conversations will never be the same.


Question:

Can you recall a particular time when another person gave you undivided attention? How did this feel?



  

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