Charlotte and I have been married for 33 years. I knew very little about marriage when we began. At this point in life, I am still learning.
I can tell you a few things I’ve learned about marriage.
1. I’ve learned that as a couple we need to put our relationships with God and our obedience to him first. I have learned that only when I give myself to him first can I experience real fulfillment. This takes tremendous pressure off our marriage.
2. I’ve learned to be quick to forgive. Sometimes I’ve been too slow to admit fault and ask for forgiveness. At other times, I’ve allowed annoyances to fester instead of maturely dealing with them.
3. I’ve learned the importance of paying attention to one another. This can be a real challenge when there are so many distractions. Work. Children. Personal interests. Technology. Even some friends may detract a person from being attentive to a spouse.
4. I’ve learned the importance of having fun. That doesn’t mean that a spouse has to constantly entertain the other. It is important to laugh together and to enjoy one another.
5. I’ve learned something about the critical importance of friendship with one another. It is so important that a husband/wife be friends who enjoy being with one another. That friendship can grow and flourish through shared experiences and caring for each other. Loyalty and trustworthiness can deepen such a friendship.
6. I’ve learned that mature people take action instead of passively waiting for something to happen. I did not get this in the early years of our marriage. I would sit in front of our television watching a ball game while the baby was crying, the house was a wreck, and the trash cans were overflowing. It can be very irritating to a spouse for you to ignore the obvious while you pursue your own interests.
7. I’ve learned something about the importance of belonging to a church. Besides worshipping God with other believers, our church has blessed our marriage. After all, in a congregation of Christians you are likely to find others who are serious about growing their marriages. You are also likely to find some older, wiser people who have been married longer and who continue to find joy in their marriages.
Question:
What would you add to this list?
We have learned that a good marriage is like a car. It needs regular maintenance to run well. A friend of ours was eating dinner with her new husband and her parents. Her Dad said “I am glad you found someone who is up to the task of taking care of you.”. Offended, she turned on her husband “I am not high maintenance, am I?!!”. Calmly and wisely, he said “Yes you are. But so is my
Corvette and that is the kind of car I want to drive.”
We have found it is so important to keep dating eachother (leaving the kids with a babysitter), go to marriage seminars or classes every year or two and regularly ask eachother “how are we doing?”. That gives the person a chance to express any hidden frustrations.
My husband takes good care of this little Corvette!
Hi Wendy! I really like what you say in this comment regarding your “maintenance” habits. Dating one another, continuing to learn, and checking in with one another are all huge. I suspect that couples who do well over a long period of time tend to have positive, healthy habits in their relationship with one another.
(Great to hear from you!)
Beyond loving my wife more than life itself, I’ve learned to genuinely appreciate her…how she complements my meager contributions to the relationship.
Jack! Great to hear from you. You say so much in this sentence. How important to genuinely appreciate a spouse. (And is that ever meaningful to another!) Thanks.