You’ve seen this person. In fact, you may have known him. This is a minister, elder, or other church leader who kisses up to others. Some think he is a great guy. ”We need more people in this church (or organization) with an attitude like John’s!” However, you know the truth. You know that when others are not present, John regularly mocks, belittles, and even slanders them.
There is a big difference in kissing up to someone and in expressing genuine words of affirmation.
A person kissing up to someone:
1. Will say one thing in front of church members (or others) and then behave totally different when only close friends are present.
2. Will gripe about the elders during the week and then fawn them with praise in the elders meeting.
3. Will say most anything to someone if it gives an advantage.
4. Will publicly say good and kind words to another if he believes it will provide personal advantage.
This person is all about gaining a personal advantage.
What she says may sound very positive and even encouraging; however, over the course of time, one eventually realizes that the motive for doing so is to her own advantage not the encouragement of another. In other words, he or she is attempting to manipulate another not love another.
Meanwhile, the person who expresses genuine words of affirmation is not seeking anything for himself. Rather, he is seeking the best for another person. When one affirms the good in another, it is a way of loving that person enough to point out what is good and right in what the person has said or done.
Unfortunately, far too many people know what it is to deal with manipulators. Manipulators have a way of draining the life out of people and organizations.
On the other hand, people who genuinely affirm others are life givers. They have a way of blessing and encouraging others in ways that are not soon forgotten.
Which kind of person will we be?
Who in your life needs to hear specific, detailed words of affirmation from you this week?