Many of us say this and then give ourselves a pass to take an easier route.

We want to avoid what is hard, difficult, and risky.

So, some of us give ourselves a pass.

“I know what I should do, but I don’t want to risk. This is really hard.”

“I know I shouldn’t be seeing this guy, but my marriage is awful. I just need someone to talk to, but I know where this could lead. This is hard.”

“I know I shouldn’t be doing my child’s research paper, but she is behind. She will fail the class if she doesn’t get it turned in. This is hard.”

“I know I ought to take better care of myself, but I don’t like to go to the doctor. It is hard to be healthy.”

“I know I should turn off the television more and spend time with my children. But this is football season! This is hard.”

“I know I should have a conversation with the guy instead of talking with everyone else about him. But I don’t want to confront him. This is hard.”

“I know I should apologize for snapping at my friend. Now she shouldn’t have said what she did. But in my more honest moments, I know I shouldn’t have been so rude. It’s hard to do the right thing.”

Yet, in avoiding what is hard or difficult, we may miss a breakthrough.

This is what I’ve learned. I have also experienced moments when I realized that my fear was keeping me bogged down and stuck.Often, when I take a step toward doing what is hard, I have experienced breakthroughs. At times, I have realized there is great joy in persevering. At other times, I found that God gave me strength where I thought I had none.

Fear never results in freedom.

So here is what I am trying to do. I want to look fear in the eye. I want to look at the situation that I am avoiding (or rationalizing) and take one step in the right direction. Is this something that you need to do as well?

Look fear in the eye and then step into it. Trust that God will be with you (read chapter one in the book of Joshua). Thank God for that first step and then take another. At the end of the day, know that you’ve made real progress. Is the situation fixed? Is it better? Not necessarily. You, however, will not be the same. In fact, you are breaking free.

Question:

How much energy does it take to regularly avoid doing what is difficult? Do you find this avoidance actually uses up valuable energy?

Have you ever known a man or a woman who refused to grow up?

(This person could have been a preacher or an elder in your church.)

“Adult” ought to suggest something desirable. One would think an adult or a mature person might inspire or in some way cause us to do better.

Yet:

• Have you ever known a man or woman who was stuck in adolescence?
• Have you ever known someone who refused to grow up?
• Have you ever known someone who had an adult body but who was so immature that she damaged many people in her life?
• Have you ever known a man who would not commit to hardly anything?

I’ve been a minister for a long time. Through the years, I have known a few very immature ministers who began working with a church only to frustrate that church by their own immaturity. Nothing is sadder than a minister who spends his time and energy manipulating people into propping up his ego instead of relating to people on an adult level. Of course, this kind of behavior is not limited to ministers. I talk with people on a regular basis who deal with such people at work.

So what does it mean to be an adult?

• An adult takes responsibility for her life. An adult says, “I did it” or “I was mistaken” or “I was wrong.”

• An adult does not forever blame people for where she is in life. An adult does not spend the workday whining about this and that. An adult learns to take responsibility for what she has control over and move on.

• An adult does not use people to prop up his sagging ego. An adult can focus on another person, compliment and affirm without always turning the conversation to himself. Even the person who is always denigrating himself may be doing that in an effort to keep the attention focused on him.
• An adult considers the implications of his behavior on other people. “If I don’t come through with my part of the project, how will that impact the other team members?”
• An adult considers the schedules of others instead of being consistently and regularly late (which communicates to others that I care more about what I am doing than causing others to always have to wait).
• An adult follows through. “I’ll give you a call.” “I’ll put you in my prayers.” “I’ll bring this book right back.” Do you follow through? Do people know that when you say you will call that you will call? Do they know that when you say “Let’s have lunch” that you are serious? Or do they know that you rarely follow through on what you say? I was visiting with a friend the other day. He told me of a mutual friend who one day said to him, “Let’s all get together for dinner soon.” My friend said, “I knew that would be the last I would ever hear of that unless I took the initiative to make it happen. That guy is always saying such things but doesn’t follow through.

Don’t get me wrong. Adults are not people who are overly serious and a bore to be around. No, adults can laugh, be silly, ride bikes, cheer at sports events, and on and on. In other words, having fun and being adult do not contradict one another. It’s just that adults have learned one thing that many others have not.

Appropriateness.

Adults are learning what behavior is appropriate and when.

Want to learn more about what it means to be “adult”? Read Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, or the book of James. All are in the Bible. All give us pictures of people who are maturing and those who aren’t.

Question:

When you are around someone who is mature, how does that impact your own behavior? How does immaturity impact relationships?

I went to his blog again today. I don’t know the guy who writes this blog.

But I do know one thing: He is angry.

“Angry at what?” you ask.

Now that is a hard question for me to answer.

It seems that, regardless of the subject of the post, he comes across as agitated and angry. The subject or topic does not seem to matter.

Several years ago, I used to read his blog. His topics were interesting but I got real tired of the tone of his posts. I stopped reading his blog.

For some reason, I decided to check his blog today. I read four or five posts. In almost every post, regardless of the topic, the tone was the same. He was angry. In fact, he sounded bitter.

I don’t know this man’s story. Perhaps he experienced some kind of pain or hurt a long time ago. Perhaps he now uses his anger as a weapon to keep others from getting too close or too intimate. Perhaps his anger has been his way of keeping others at arm’s length. Again, I don’t know his story.

I do know that anger, fear, and pride left unchecked have a way of taking over one’s attitude. These characteristics have a way of shaping one’s words and expressions.

Question

Have you ever noticed that you were stuck in a particular attitude? That is, no matter what you did or said a negative attitude seemed to come out. How did you address this?