A Place For The God-Hungry

In the Dallas Morning News, Steve Blow wrote an outstanding column about kids who have been given too much, too soon. He referred to a column that he had written 10 years earlier about kindergarten parents who had pooled their money and arranged for a limousine to take their children home from their first day of school. In the column he said that hiring a limousine ought to be one of those splurges reserved for wedding days. This should not happen on a kindergartener’s first day of school. He went on to say, "…We must show a little restraint here, folks. If all the other parents jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff, too?"

In the Thursday column, he says that there is really no mystery to permissive parenting. It is a lot easier to do this than to say "no." It is tough to be a parent–if you are not a permissive parent. It is so much easier to look the other way.

It is so much easier to rationalize.  ("They can drink in our house–we will take their car keys.")

It is so much easier to dismiss and overlook.   ("I think that you are making a big deal out of nothing. I don’t see a problem.")

It is a lot easier to threaten, fuss, and yell and then cave in.  ("Ok, ok, go ahead and do it!")

When a loving parent says "no" to what is wrong, immoral, unethical, etc., that parent is teaching.   He/She is showing that child that doing right is more important that feeling good at the moment.

God says "no" to us all about certain behaviors that are destructive to us and dishonoring to him. At the time, his "no" may feel unpleasant for us. His "no" may get in the way of our desires and schemes.  We may feel like he is holding us back from experiencing terrific pleasure.  Yet, our Father can be trusted. His "no" may be the best thing that we could hear. In fact, at times, maybe God’s love and mercy is best seen in his willingness to say "no."

That’s the way they looked.  Bored silly!  I saw a couple similar to the picture above just the other day.  They were in another city though you could have easily witnessed a similar scene in Waco.  They were walking down the sidewalk.  Maybe they were in their thirties.  He was charging on ahead and she was trying to keep up with him.  He never looked back at her.  He never spoke to her.  He seemed to be in another world.  He seemed preoccupied with wherever he was going.  You’ve seen couples like this.  Maybe you’ve been like this. 

Sometimes, a marriage seems to loose something.  You both just seem to exist.  You go out to eat and you don’t talk with each another.  In fact, you may never even look at one another.  When marriages reach this level of boredom, there are some who get involved with a person–not his/her spouse.  A recent article in Newsweek addressed this.

Does this mean that the marriage is terminal?  No…not yet.  But it may very well be on life support.  Some people have lived like this so long that they have lost all hope.  They exist (not live) in an effort to endure this misery.

I suppose that some of these marriages will end.  Yet, I wonder what would happen if we began to see one another as a community of believers who exist to support and encourage us in our desire to become Christ-like.  What would happen if we both (husband and wife) put new energy into our marriages before they finally end?

What if:

*We (husband and wife) call upon brothers and sisters to pray fervently for our marriage.
*We invite the elders into our home to pray for our families.
*We seek early on, God-centered counseling, where husband and wife together work on their marriage.
*We ask an older couple whose marriage is worthy of imitation to meet with us periodically to talk with us about our marriage.

Feelings of boredom at times are probably normal.  But–it is very important that these feelings are not just ignored.  As husbands and wives who serve one another, it is important that be attentive to one another.

This coming Wednesday evening, I will begin leading a class that will be based on the book Sacred Marriage.  Everytime I attempt to lead a class where marriage is the focal point, I feel like I am over my head. 

I do enjoy being married.  I enjoy being married to Charlotte.  By the way, recently I was filling out an information form at a doctor’s office the other day.  Apparently, I missed a question on the form.  The receptionist saw the blank and asked me, "What is the name of your present wife?"  I gave her Charlotte’s name.  But the sound of the question caused me to feel a little strange.  My "present wife"?  I don’t guess I have ever thought of her, my children, or my parents as just being temporary.  "For the present time, my children are….." Hmmmmm.

I asked Charlotte to say something to the class about marriage.  She immediately said to me, "Marriage is hard work."    Gary Thomas, in his book Sacred Marriage virtually echos her statement.

Christians who dodge all serious struggle and consciously seek to put themselves in whatever situations and relationships are easiest are doing the same thing–they are costing, and eventually that costing will define them and –even worse–shape them.
    
If there is one thing young engaged couples need to hear, it’s that a good marriage is not something you find, it’s something you work for.  It takes struggle.  You must crucify your selfishness.  You must at times confront, and at other times confess.  The practice of forgiveness is essential.
     This is undeniably hard work!  But eventually it pays off.  Eventually, it creates a relationship of beauty, trust, and mutual support.

As I begin my week and as I consider my life before God, I must not forget that my behavior in my marriage speaks volumes about my heart.  It speaks about my desire to place all areas of my life under the rule of God.  I think that it is important that I think about how I am presently treating my wife.  Do I display the character of Jesus in the way I treat her?

We have been married for almost 26 years (she put the date inside my ring, knowing that I would need help remembering).  There has been a lot of fun and joy.  There have also been tough, hard times.  I think that’s just the way marriage is.  Ultimatly, what I really believe about marriage is not what I say in class.  What I believe about marriage is best revealed in the way I behave in my marriage.  Thank God for his mercy.