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Question: What Do Young Men Need to Know?

November 3, 2009 in Family/Marriage with 8 Comments

What is it that a young man needs to know about being a man, a husband, and/or a father? I would love to hear from you regarding this question.question.jpg

For years, I have had conversations with men in which they shared just how inadequate they feel as a man and in other roles as well. Some express great confusion and anger over their relationship (or lack of) with their own fathers. Others feel as if they had very little preparation for knowing how to live as a godly man.

  • Some men feel confused regarding their feelings. How is a man supposed to feel? What is a man supposed to do with emotion? What about all of those sexual feelings?
  • Some men feel confused regarding marriage. What am I supposed to do as a husband on a daily basis? Why does she often get frustrated with me? How can I make this marriage last?
  • Some men feel confused regarding being a parent. How am I supposed to balance marriage, work, church, etc. with being a dad? How can I keep from messing up my children? What am I supposed to do when my young children test me?

What do you think? What does a young man need to know about being a man, a husband, and/or a father?

Beauty in a Housing Project

September 23, 2009 in Encouragement, Family/Marriage with 8 Comments

(The following post was written by my younger daughter, Jamie, who is a social worker. She recently witnessed a beautiful marriage–in a setting you might not expect.) sad_man.jpg

My job as a home-based social worker allows me the opportunity to see very unusual or difficult situations on a daily basis.

Once, for example, I walked into a home and witnessed three men getting tattooed at a kitchen table. In another home, a chicken was running through the house. In still another home, the police came and picked up the person with whom I had an appointment. This work, however, also allows me the opportunity to witness unexpected and encouraging moments in life.

I recently visited a client at the home of her aunt. My client wasn’t there yet, so her aunt talked with me while I waited. When I walked inside the house, I breathed in the usual aroma of incense that was typical in this home. The grandfather, mid-50s, was lying on his pallet on the couch. The nearby coffee table was strewn with medication. On other occasions, I had witnessed the aunt carrying her husband up the stairs into their home and setting him up on the couch where he spent the day. I would often talk with her as she fed him, gave him his medicine, and even held his cigarette for him.

Over these few months, I had witnessed his health rapidly decline. She told me that this had gone on for a couple of years. Her husband was a war veteran and was now suffering from a variety of ailments: a blood clot on his lung, liver cancer, and so on. She had left her job to take care of him and his daily needs. Caring for him had become her full-time job.

As I spoke with her this day, she grew quiet as big tears welled up in her eyes. She told me that the hospital had given her husband two weeks to live. She began to tell me that she didn’t know what she was supposed to do with that information. She took care of her husband, and he was her life. She didn’t know how she would live with him gone. She went on to say that her brother had died in a car accident the week before. She asked why God was testing her like this. “How do I live without the only thing I ever knew?”

During this tender moment, her husband called out to her for water. About the same time, my client walked into the house ready for her appointment.

It was only 9:00 a.m.

Did I mention that this couple was deeply imprisoned by poverty, one had literally been in prison, had taken care of their three toddler grandchildren while their child was in jail, had survived on the man’s benefits from the VA, and had allowed my client (their niece) to live in their home?

This family has helped me question my life and whether or not I am living to the full extent of its potential. Their giving hearts reflect the attitude of Christ. They have very little, but that doesn’t stop them from trying to help as many people as they can.

You never know who you might impact. You never know in whose life you will make a difference. You never know who will make a difference in your life. I hope you live every moment conscious of your reflection to the outside world.

Sometimes, I catch myself stereotyping people long before I even know their story. This aunt helped me see that people are more than what I might see externally. Things aren’t always what they seem.

Finally, this woman knows what it means to be married to someone “in sickness and in health.” Maybe all of us should take a good look at her example.

Life on the Pedestal

September 17, 2009 in Family/Marriage, Leadership, Ministry with 9 Comments

We place some people on a pedestal, high above all others. pedestal.jpg

I first realized this many years ago when Charlotte and I were in the home of a young couple who lived in North Alabama. They were newly married. She was a Christian and he was not. We were in their home that evening because he wanted to ask some questions regarding Jesus, the Bible, Christian faith, etc.

At one point in this conversation, this young woman referred to her dad, who was a long time minister in our area. She said, “My dad has never done anything wrong.” I then asked her to explain what she meant by that. She went on to say, “I have never known my dad to say or do anything that was wrong. He never mentioned that he struggled with anything. He never apologized for anything. I just assumed for all of these years that he was perfect.”

Now I know her dad. He was a good man. Perfect? No.

Sometimes we put people on pedestals. Some of us place fathers, mothers, and other family members there. Many Christians place their minister or other church leaders on such a pedestal. Our expectations of such church leaders are incredible. Some feel very uncomfortable when they realize this is where they have been placed by . On the other hand, there are some people who seem to relish being there. Yet, the pedestal is a dangerous place to live.

Beware of living on a pedestal.

1. The pedestal does not invite a life of daily repentance. Instead, it can all too easily accommodate secrecy, distance, and rationalization.

2. The pedestal invites unreal expectations. While I may admire someone, to place them on a pedestal is a set-up for major disappointment.

3. The pedestal creates either delusion and arrogance (maybe I really am as great as they say I am), or loneliness (there is no one who I can talk with about my humanness).

Sometimes ministers who have been placed on such a pedestal find themselves living with impossible expectations. Consequently, many feel very defeated. Yet, some ministers seem to desire the pedestal. Complicating this even further, some Christians seem all too ready to place them in such a position. Perhaps it is a way of vicariously living as a Christ-follower through the minister. “I may not be doing very well in my walk with God but you ought to see my minister.”

Pedestal living can create a spirit of arrogance and entitlement. For example, the minister may live among the congregation as if he is entitled to special treatment because of the role, etc. Such a spirit of entitlement can powerfully influence a person toward making decisions that are unwise and even immoral.

Pedestal living often becomes cocoon living where one feels isolated and alone. Instead of a lifestyle marked by ongoing confession and repentance, this minister feels that he must hide and keep to himself his struggles.

We were never created to live on a pedestal nor do we do anyone any favors by placing them on one.

Questions:

What are the costs of being on a pedestal? In what ways do we place someone there? Why would someone desire to be on a pedestal?

     

13 Ways to Invest in Your Marriage

August 19, 2009 in Family/Marriage with 4 Comments

There is a business in our area which which probably won’t be around very long. It started well. The owner invested a great deal of money into the building and its facilities. He seemed to spare no expense in what he purchased in order to begin this business. However, once he made the initial investment, he apparently put very little time or energy into maintenance or staffing. There is regular staff turnover. One frequently sees signs on various pieces of equipment, indicating that the equipment is not working. In some instances, these signs remain for months. This business seems to suffer from neglect.  stickpeoplefw7.gif

Marriages are often like this. Some will make a tremendous initial investment but then neglect the relationship over time.

I want to suggest 13 ways to invest in the life, health, and vitality of your marriage:

1. Be intentional. Choose to build a marriage that allows each of you the opportunity to look forward to coming home in the evenings.

2. Catch him/her doing something right and affirm this. Validate one another in the things that are good and right.

3. Learn to be honest but be gracious when doing so. Some people will justify most anything that comes out of their mouth in the name of “just being honest.” Use honesty to build and heal, not to cut, put down, and destroy.

4. Deliberately choose to do something to bless him/her whether your spouse notices or not. Ideally, of course both spouses are choosing to do this. However, it is good and right to bless a spouse regardless of the response. It is an investment.

5. Pay attention to what seems to irritate your spouse. It is easy to dismiss your spouse’s complaint about an irritating behavior because it doesn’t both you. Yet, for you to know that the behavior is irritating, and yet continue to do this, may feel very disrespectful to your spouse.

6. Be a real friend to your spouse. Have you ever known people who invested so much in their friendships with others and then took their spouse for granted? Build your friendship with your spouse. Ask yourself, “What am I doing in this relationship that I would never say or do to one of my other friends?”   

7. Pray for your marriage. Ok, this may seem like a no-brainer. Yet, there are many people who rarely pray about their marriage or concerning their spouse. If you are not praying for your marriage, you are robbing yourself and your spouse of such a great resource.

8. Find your life in Jesus. He is the true life-giver. Far too many people take their empty lives into their marriages and then expect their spouse to satisfy in ways that are above and beyond what any human being can do.

9. Build your spouse up. Don’t tear him down. Imagine buying a new car and then using a sledge hammer on it before you drive away each morning. We do ourselves no favor when we put down, insult, and belittle our spouses. Look for ways to validate your spouse.

10. Invest in the spiritual life of your spouse. Yes, I realize that you may be in a situation where your spouse may have no interest in the ways and teachings of Jesus. However, if you married a Christ-follower, be intentional about growing together as a couple.

11. Pay attention to your spouse. Simple affection starts with being attentive. By the way, this is one of the greatest investments in your sexual relationship. Attentiveness and affection throughout the day create the atmosphere for a wonderful sexual relationship. This is one reason why couples who are married for a long time, who are growing in their attentiveness and affection, will find increasing enjoyment and pleasure in their sexual relationship.

12. Take care of your heart, mind, and body. Yes, you do this as a steward of what God has given you. However, you also can bless your marriage when you take care of yourself in these areas.

13. Invest in fun. Fun doesn’t have to be extravagant. You don’t have to spend a lot of money. Nor does fun mean that you have to entertain your spouse. Fun does mean that you look for ways to relax and enjoy. You cherish opportunities to laugh. You deliberately choose to do the simple things that you both enjoy.

Questions:

What else would you add to this list? What have you found helpful?

13 Ways to Hurt Your Marriage

August 17, 2009 in Family/Marriage with 11 Comments

The following are some reflections on behaviors which I have seen dampen, harm, and even destroy a marriage. Charlotte and I both have had a front row seat in watching many marriages through the years. We also know what it is to live together for many years as two human beings who need one another’s love and forgiveness.   
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By listing these 13 behaviors, I am not suggesting that one particular behavior will destroy a marriage. Rather, I am saying that these are the behaviors which do harm to a marriage. They can quickly become a part of a destructive lifestyle which only hurts the relationship.

To hurt your marriage, do the following:

1. Be unsafe. If she is particularly sensitive about her weight or some other aspect of her body, use this against her when you are angry. During an emotional explosion, come back at her with some name calling that highlights her vulnerabilities. Use a few expletives for an added punch. When marriage is unsafe, spouses will build their own cocoon or they will find someone else who is safe.

2. Be passive in your relationship. Have no opinion, preference, or desire. Take no initiative. Just sit back and wait for life to happen (or for her to get it done). This passivity can bring on the slow death of a marriage.

3. Use your children against their dad or mom. Do you think your husband is stupid? Talk to your children about him and the many ways that he has proven that he is a stupid. Create these emotional triangles within your family. He will eventually see that he has lost the respect of his family and is alone emotionally.

4. Use porn. The women are perfect. They are alluring, seductive, and plentiful. And–you don’t have to relate to them as an adult. You don’t have to love, give, serve, or make love with someone with whom you are sharing life. No, porn allows you to remain just the way you are. You can be selfish, lustful, and you can have power. Just touch the keyboard and the images appear. Touch the keyboard again and they disappear. The dirty little secret? Porn is EXTREMELY addictive and will lock you in the prison of your own immaturity for years. For many, many people this has been a marriage killer.

5. Be critical. Focus on his/her shortcomings and keep bringing them up. Provide an atmosphere at home where the evenings are spent cutting one another down. Soon you will each dread coming home.

6. Let yourself go. Don’t worry about your weight, your appearance, your hygiene, etc. Just let yourself go. As one person said, “We just got real comfortable with one another and we no longer took care of ourselves.” Quite often it is one spouse or the other who no longer takes care of themselves. Meanwhile, the other spouse may become critical, resentful, and angry.

7. Harbor secret affections and connections. Now maybe you have never been unfaithful to your wife (or husband). You tell yourself this. Yet, at the same time, you have developed a special relationship with a person at work. You look for any reason you can to be in her presence. You find that when you are with her, your heart races and you feel alive. You have a connection with her that is deep. Nothing physical–yet. However, this intimate bond has the makings of a emotional bomb just waiting to explode and do untold damage.

8. Demonstrate little co-operation in financial matters. Spend money and don’t let your spouse know where it is going. You don’t want to explain those expensive green fees at the golf course. You don’t want to explain the cost of those shoes. So, you work hard to not let him/her know where the money is going. Or perhaps you run up a huge Visa bill due to your impulsive spending. Maybe you are in the habit of making making major purchases that are not in the budget or haven’t even been agreed upon by your spouse. This has a way of eating away at the trust in your relationship.

9. Never say “thank you.” Just take her for granted. Take him for granted. I have heard it too many times. “Why should I thank her/him? I don’t get any thanks.” So, each person just takes one another for granted. Any sense of graciousness toward the other is no more. This gets compounded as a spouse never hears any gratitude but only complaints.

10. Surround yourself with friends who do not value marriage. Listen as these friends speak of cheating on their spouses. Quietly envy the life and thrill they describe. Listen as they talk to you about how much fun you are missing. Compare their stories with the boredom you feel. Instead of re-investing in your marriage, spend your energy fantasizing about living as these friends live.

11. Don’t forgive. Continue to remind your spouse of his/her faults. It is sort of like putting your garbage in large container but never emptying it. The smelly, nasty garbage from the past remains in the container until you need to refer to it again. Then, in the middle of a heated argument, you open the can, pour the old garbage onto the floor and remind your spouse of ways that he/she failed in the past. Of course, holding on to this garbage has a way of poisoning the atmosphere of your relationship.

12. Stop having fun with one another. After awhile, fun will become something that you experience with someone else but not your spouse. Healthy, joyful laughter will become less and less frequent in your home.

13. Stop investing in your relationship with one another. Your relationship will often dry up and become stale. Yes, your sexual relationship will often become boring, predictable, and lifeless. Or, it may become non-existent.

Question

What other behaviors would you add to this list?

Uncovering Those Self-Imposed Rules

July 28, 2009 in Family/Marriage, Ministry, Relationships with 1 Comment

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Lately, I’ve been thinking about families who get swallowed up by the performance trap.

They seem to strive for the impossible. They are very busy people and their young children often look exhausted. You wonder when they ever enjoy just being with one another and enjoying one anothers presence.

Yet, quite often the children are involved in so many activities outside of school that the whole family is exhausted. They are constantly on the run.

This is not just about being busy. Rather, it is a view of life in which we almost fear that if we don’t collect as many different experiences as possible that we will miss something. Unfortunately, we often settle for skimming across the surface of life instead of traveling deeply. Instead of deeply experiencing life, we just skim across the top and move on to something else.

Some of us, in our busyness, live with some self-imposed rules that are rooted in our view of performance. For example, consider these self-imposed rules:

1. “I can’t make a mistake. Why that would be terrible! Since there is the possibility that I might make a mistake in this particular project, I won’t even try. I want to succeed, and that means playing it safe.”

With such a self-imposed rule, children may never develop the courage to risk or venture into new territory. They may become overly cautious instead of seeking new adventure. They may even hesitate to trust God if there seems to be risk involved.

2. “I will go all the way or not at all. Either I become a winner, the best, an expert, or I don’t want to be involved.” Really? Do we want to take this view about everything we do? Do we not have a sense of priority? Now, perhaps, I might take this view regarding my top priorities. However, there might be lesser priorities in my life that are not worthy of this level of commitment. For example, I may choose to have a lesser commitment in the way I wash my car, clean out the garage, or make my lunch. I may not want to be that intense about everything I do.

To have this level of intensity about most everything can make it very difficult for a family to have fun. Far too often, things get too intense and overly serious and kids learn that their family is really not very fun. (Is it possible to just play a game in a family without someone getting angry or putting down another person? Can we not just laugh and have fun?)

3. “I will get it done by myself. If I want something done right, I have to do it myself.” Some people believe it is a sign of weakness to admit they need help. Such a person often lives with the fear of looking foolish, inadequate, or just not knowing what to do.

Still others with this view, are not willing to work to develop people and bring others along. For example, there are some ministers who have the idea that ministry is about doing 25 different tasks in the name of “ministry.” They don’t take the time or make the effort to equip others. As a result, the people around them never develop and grow. Meanwhile, this minister either feels like a martyr (“this is my lot in life”) or feels resentful (“I have to do all of this work while they do nothing”).

Questions:

What other self-imposed rules, related to performance, seem to exist for some people? What is the downside of such a view of life?

So What Do Our Families Value?

June 4, 2009 in Family/Marriage with 2 Comments

Some families seem to value comfort and ease as top priorities. One almost gets the impression that they live by mandates such as:

  • Life should be pain-free and low stress. Something is wrong if there is pain or stress in our lives.
  • My children should not be hurt, frustrated, or denied. Consequently, as a parent, I will go to any length to prevent this from happening.
  • If we have the money and our children want it, why not buy it now? If we don’t have the money, we may just get it anyway. We will just put it on the credit card and deal with it later.

Contrast this thinking with the mindset that focuses on the importance of developing the character of our children. Families that flourish actually value character over comfort.

Yesterday, I sat in front of a class of first graders. This was the next to the last day of school and I was there to read to them. My wife, Charlotte, is their teacher. She introduced me and then told me (in front of them) that this was one of the finest first grade classes in all of Waco. She went on to say, “These boys and girls love to read!” They all sat on the “reading carpet” while I sat on a tiny chair and read to them. I read. They listened. There was lots of back and forth conversation.

I thought about these children as I left. Each one has an individual story. Each one comes from a particular home with its own story.

Later I thought about how some children are blessed by families who choose to put character over comfort. What a blessing to be reared in such a family!

The following are a few suggestions for being a family that values character over comfort:

1. Choose to bless your family with the knowledge of God. Allow your children the privilege of knowing their creator and their loving Father. Children who grow up knowing and loving God are blessed.

2. Choose to bring both grace and truth to your family. Families need to be places that are safe, secure, and where children can develop good memories. Far too many children grow up in families that are threatening, unpredictable, and chaotic.

Yet, children also need truth. No, I not talking about these families where people run over one another, and hurt one another with words as they are “just being honest.” Rather, I am talking about families where problems are dealt with and resolved instead of being swept under the rug and ignored.

3. Choose to be a family that serves others instead of living for themselves. I spoke with a woman the other day who told me a story about a friend of hers who was going shopping that day to purchase an expensive piece of jewelry. She said that as her friend spoke, she found herself feeling jealous. She wished that she had the money to purchase such an expensive piece of jewelry.

Later that evening, she and her husband had a conversation with a single parent mother who was barely getting by financially. She told them that her commode was stopped up and she didn’t know what to do. They went to her home that evening to see if they could help. Before leaving, they gave $100 to her so that she could call a plumber.

The couple went home that night grateful for what they had. This woman then said, “After this experience and seeing what this person and her children were having to deal with in their house, my jealousy over the jewelry went away. I knew that we had been a part of something that really mattered.”

What kind of daughter or son do you want to produce?

Charlotte and I have experienced much joy in rearing our children. There have been, and continue to be, moments that bring joy. Yet, rearing our children was also difficult and challenging at times. At least some of the difficulty was because we were constantly thinking about the kind of daughters that we wanted to produce. More importantly, we believed that these children had been loaned to us by God and we were responsible to him for the way we reared them. We attempted to take the long-view of things which is not necessarily the easiest.

What do you think is most important about building a family that values character over comfort? What makes this challenging?

Question: How is the Church to Talk About Sex?

June 3, 2009 in Church, Family/Marriage with 11 Comments

What do you think?

How should the church be addressing the subject of sex?

Think for a moment about our context:

1. We live in a highly sexualized culture. Sexual images are everywhere (advertising, various forms of entertainment, etc.). News in pop culture ranges from “wardrobe malfunctions” at the half time of a Super Bowl show to celebrities who have become well known for their sexual exploits. Scandals have involved politicians, ministers, public school teachers, and other public figures. It has only been a few years ago a number of priests were named for their involvement with minors. On and on it goes. So what does the church say regarding sex in such a culture?

2. We live in a time in which many, many people are getting married who have never witnessed a healthy marriage anywhere at anytime. Couples in premarital counseling may have read a book regarding marital sex or they may have had conversations with a counselor. Far too many people, however, get married with only the information they got off the street. What does the church say regarding sex that might help and bless these couples?

3. Many people have much information about sex. Information is readily available everywhere. However, (and this is huge) so many people have no idea about the meaning, function, and purpose of sex within a marriage. Consequently, this becomes just one more expression of self-centeredness within a marriage. What does the church say regarding the meaning of sex?

The question:

How is the Church to Talk About Sex? How are these issues best addressed? How is sexuality from a biblical perspective best addressed?

Will You Let Go of this Myth about Families?

May 14, 2009 in Family/Marriage with 27 Comments

clip_image001.jpgOne of the greatest myths about family is that somehow it is possible to experience a perfect family.  Some Christians believe that because they follow Christ that it is possible to be the perfect family.

Now some may know this and yet many of us spend much energy trying to project to one another that we have the perfect marriage, family, children, etc.  Perhaps you know people like this.  Someone asks, "How are your children?"  "Wonderful!"  Or they may ask, "How is your husband?"  "Awesome.  He is really doing well."  Those answers may be correct.  However, it may seem strange to continue hearing such answers when you know that the family is experiencing heartache with the children or the spouse.    Yet, they are always "wonderful." 

Is this reality?  Or, is this about image management?  Could it be that in order to protect their image, some people never really tell the truth.  Instead, they are content to settle for something superficial.

Some believe that the church is the place where all of the successful, happy, families gather.  No problems.  No heartaches.  No struggles.  Everyone has it all together.  Now if you view the church like this, you may feel somewhat intimidated by being a part of the church.  What if you are struggling in your marriage?  What if you are having financial problems?  What if you have come out of horrible home life?  You may wonder, "Is there anyone else in this church like me?"

When our children were growing up, I tried to be especially conscious of this problem.  I wanted them to grow up in a good home, where we loved one another and Christ was at the center.  Yet, I did not want them to think that they were supposed to project some sort of image about our family because I was a minister.  I did not want them to think that they had to be dishonest about life in our home in order to make me look good.

There are no perfect families.  They are not in the Bible.  They are not in the church today.  You may be a part of a really good family.  You may have a good marriage.  Yet, there are no perfect families because there are no perfect human beings. 

All families, like all people, are imperfect.

What would help so many of us is to get the right perspective toward our families.  Instead of being preoccupied with managing my image before others, I need to be focused on living with the intent of loving my family with a God honoring love.  Consequently, I am to love God and love others, especially my own family.  Such love is sacrificial, self-denying, forgiving and persistent.

On July 20 of last year, I heard a segment of NPR’s, "This I Believe" which especially caught my attention.  Listen as this speaker reflects upon his earlier years:

I don’t know why I came to the decision to become a loser, but I know I made the choice at a young age.  Sometime in the middle of fourth grade, I stopped trying.  By the time I was in seventh grade, I was your typical degenerate: lazy, rebellious, disrespectful.  I had lost all social graces.  I was terminally hip and fatally cool.

It wasn’t long after I dropped out of school and continued my downward spiral.  Hard physical labor was the consequence for the choices I made as an adolescent.  At the age of 21, I was hopelessly lost, and using drugs as a way to deal with the fact that I was illiterate and stuck in a dead-end job carrying roof shingles up a ladder all day.

But now I believe in do-overs, in the chance to do it all again.  And I believe that do-overs can be made at any point in your life, if you have the right motivation…

Yes!  This is what a family is about.  Families are not places where pretend we have reached perfection.  Families are places where human beings can struggle with life and even experience a do-over.  Christ-followers believe that God’s grace through Christ gives the ultimate do-over.

I am curious.  What have you observed about the myth of the perfect family in the churches with which you are familiar?  In what ways does this myth do damage to other people?

Question: What Would You Have Done Differently?

May 5, 2009 in Family/Marriage with 14 Comments

question_mark_778895.gif.jpgI have two questions.  One is for you if you are a mother.  The other is for the rest of us.

First question: As a mother, what is one thing you wish you had done differently with your children?

Yes, Sunday is Mother’s Day.  It is a day for sending cards, giving flowers, and saying nice words about mothers.  I want to think about this on another level though.  If you are a mother, I am wondering what you have learned about being a mother that you would like to do differently if you could do it over?

Perhaps your children are grown and have moved out of your house.  Or, perhaps your children are in college or in high school.  After thinking about the years that you spent rearing your children, what would you have done differently?

Second question: What did your mother do right?

Can you pinpoint something that your mother did well?  Is there something she did that today is especially meaningful to you?

Yes, I know that some people had very unpleasant experiences with their mother, dad, or even both.  That is a tragedy and a loss.  Yet, I think it is important to learn from those who are mothers and can now reflect upon the experience.  It is valuable to learn from one another as we remember our own mothers.

I learned from my mother the importance of service and helping others.  She did this with her children, again and again.  I realized later on that she had often put her own welfare and her own desires behind the needs of her children.  She saw to it that her children had clothes, school supplies, and money for lunch.  All of this seemed to be placed before her getting the things she wanted and no doubt needed. 

What about you?

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