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Ministry Inside.117

May 9, 2013 — Leave a comment

take five design5 Suggestions for Keeping Your Sanity in a Busy Ministry

There are seasons when a ministry feels very intense.  Quite often that intensity may be related to particular problems or issues that have surfaced in the church or in the community.

Sometimes that intensity is due to unforeseen situations.  Perhaps you have recently presided over several funerals or weddings within a period of a few weeks.  If you are a minister, you know that these can often take a lot of time.

For example, the average person sees you speak at a funeral and in that person’s mind there may not be that much time or work involved.  However, the challenge of a funeral for a minister is not just the remarks expressed.  A minister is often doing this work within the context of his own grief and sadness.  After all, the deceased may have been a friend, a confidant, an encourager or more.

A minister may spend hours at the hospital leading up to a death.  Then, that minister might spend time with the family discussing plans for the funeral and memories of the deceased.  This minister may work late into the night preparing remarks for the funeral.  If the funeral is in the morning, that minister will spend most of the morning (if not all of it) doing something related to the funeral.  Not only will this minister speak at the funeral but then also at the graveside.  After this funeral, this minister may eat with the family at the church building.

When I first began my ministry, I was shocked as to how much time could actually be spent when presiding at either a funeral or a wedding.

Sometimes, there will be several of these within a week.  I remember a few weeks when I had several funerals or a funeral and a wedding and came away feeling exhausted.

Finally, there are times when ministry feels intense when I have said “yes” to too many opportunities.  Maybe I am seeing too many people in my office for counseling.  Perhaps I have scheduled too many meetings.  I may have said yes to many speaking appointments.

The following are a few suggestions that you might find helpful when your ministry has become very busy.  I have found these helpful; it did, however, take me some time to learn them.

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Ministry Inside.115

April 11, 2013 — 2 Comments

broken1How do you stay sane when there is so much craziness that surrounds ministry?

Good question.

Craziness is everywhere!  It seems to be a constant in this broken, unredeemed world. Everyone has to deal with the brokenness of the world.  Sometimes others’ brokenness can be sharp and jagged, cutting bystanders like broken glass.  The brokenness of others is not something from which you can stay detached only observing like a visitor at a zoo passing by a cage of wild animals.

There is no safe distance.  The brokenness of others really does affect us.  At times others may lash out in anger.  Sometimes, people betray.

Far too often, others will treat you as if you don’t exist, as if you are without value.

For a minister or other church leader, ministering to broken people can be exhausting, emotionally and spiritually.

Then there are the wounds that occur through the brokenness of others.

  • The betrayal by one of your friends who spoke despairingly of your motives toward a particular project.
  • The absence of any affirmation by those who have a front row seat to your ministry.
  • The silence of key leaders after you’ve poured out your heart in a Sunday morning message.
  • The anger unleashed at you during a meeting by someone you have spent hours with in their grief the year before.

Then of course, a Christian leader must also deal with his/her own brokenness.

  • You can’t believe how immature you’ve behaved at home this week.
  • You’ve allowed your anger at a previous group of elders in a different congregation to shape remarks you recently made to your present elders, a thousand miles away from the other congregation.
  • You have realized that your own self-pity, lust, and jealousy are finding plenty of room in your heart still.

Yes, the craziness of this world, along with your own brokenness, can make your ministry and life very difficult.

I have found it helpful to come before God in prayer and express that I need to let some things go. Recently, I had a nice list!  Usually, in the early morning hours, I will pray with open hands asking God to take the craziness.

“Lord, I want to let go of my desire to fix this family and all the drama swirling around them.  Only you can redeem this mess.  I want to let go of my frustration toward this person.  I want to let go of my resentments toward a certain person.  I want to let go of the pressure I feel regarding a certain project, etc.”

Maybe one way to stay sane when so much craziness surrounds ministry is by releasing this to the father who desires to redeem everything that is unredeemed.

Question: 

What do you do to stay sane in the middle of so much craziness?

 

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Ministry Inside.114

April 4, 2013 — 5 Comments

Image

How do you work?  I would love to know!  I would likely come away from that conversation with some ideas and practical tips.

I thought about my own practices recently. Maybe you will find this helpful.

What tools do you use and where do you work?

I use a MacBook Pro most of the time.  I also use an iPad, an iPhone, and a Kindle Touch. Other important tools include Evernote, WorkFlowy, Apple Mail and Apple Calendar.  For many years, I have tried to pay attention to how I organize my time and my work. David Allen (Getting Things Done) and Michael Hyatt have been particularly helpful in this area.

As a minister, some of my key tools are books.  If I suspect that a book I am about to purchase will only be read once, I will probably purchase the Kindle version.  If the book is by a favorite author or if it is one I will probably return to repeatedly, I will purchase a hard copy.  Just a preference.

I do much of my work in my office.  About a year ago, I began using a stand-up desk.  I probably spend at least fifty percent of my time at that standing desk.  After years of sitting at a desk much of the day, I find the change very energizing.  I often do sermon preparation, computer work, phone calling, etc. while standing up at this desk.

I typically will work at either Starbucks or Panera Bread for a few hours at least one day during the week.  I find the change in scenery very nice and stimulating, especially for projects that call for reading or writing.  I will sometimes work from our home during the morning hours.  I typically do this no more than once a week.

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Ministry Inside.113

March 28, 2013 — Leave a comment

post-it-note_pay-attentionOne of the best practices for a Christian leader is to keep your eye on those who are both living life well and ministering well.

Examples have a way of teaching, inspiring and encouraging us.  An example can be a powerful motivator.  I may know something to be true but it may become vivid and concrete when I see someone living out this truth in front of me.

I want to suggest five kinds of people that church leaders would do well to pay attention to.

Church leaders, sometimes, give far too much attention to people who are demanding our attention in some way, often in the form of a complaint.

I want to encourage us to take notice of the following people:

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Ministry Inside.112

March 21, 2013 — Leave a comment

PanicHave you ever been in a hurry to finish a particular project and cobbled something together at the last minute only to later regret it?

I have.

I remember once announcing to a congregation that we were embarking on a major series during the preaching time on Sunday mornings.  As I recall, the announced series would be quite long.  I had only been preaching for a short while at that time.  I began the series and then realized that I was in no way prepared for such an undertaking.  Much to my embarrassment, I had to eventually abandon the series and preach something else.

It is a lot easier to suddenly start something than to actually work through the process or even finish it.

Congregations sometimes get anxious and we make hurried, even rash, decisions only to later regret what we have done.

Some examples:

1.  Elders panic over the budget and suddenly fire two ministers, uprooting two families who must now move and relocate.

2.  A minister is frustrated with the congregation where he has been serving.  He begins talking with another congregation that has been looking for another minister in a similar role.  Within a month of the initial conversation, that minister announces his resignation.  He makes this decision ignoring the warning signs that exist in the other congregation.

3.  Church leaders panic over the number of people who have left the congregation.  They make a rash decision to borrow an incredible amount of money for the construction of a new building on their campus, thinking this might draw new families to their congregation.  Such a decision has saddled this church with a stifling debt for many years to come.

4.  A congregation is looking for a preacher.  They have interviewed a number of people and have made offers to two different preachers.  Both turned the church down.  People are complaining about how long the process is taking.  Now the leaders are looking at the resume of a person who seems very eager to be interviewed.  Some things on the resume don’t seem to add up (in addition to comments made by some of his references).  At first, they wondered about theological compatibility but now some are suggesting that these matters will work themselves out.  In their minds, they just need to quickly extend an offer to this person.

Now you might say, “But aren’t churches notoriously slow when it comes to getting things done? Surely you are not saying that churches need to continue to drag out the simplest of decisions, as many regularly do.”  I’m not saying that at all.  Churches can be incredibly slow at getting things done.

However, church leader’s anxiety can fuel a process.

Suddenly, there is panic.  ”This must be done now!”  Rash decisions are made.  Unfortunately, many ministers and other church leaders can tell stories of how panic and rash decision making only led to more problems and dysfunction, not less.

 

Question:

Have you see or experienced this in your own life and ministry?

 

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Ministry Inside.111

March 15, 2013 — 2 Comments

experience2Experience can be very valuable to any church leader.  On the other hand, years in ministry can be overrated.

Someone might ask at this point, “Don’t you value the experience of other church leaders?  Don’t you think we can learn from those who have experienced more than we have?”  Of course!  I do value experience. However, one’s experience may not be as valuable as it ultimately could be.

One might have 12 years of participation in a ministry role; but if those 12 years consist of very little reflection or examination, the experience may not be as valuable as it could have been.  One may simply be repeating from year to year bad habits, ineffective practices, and a poor attitude.  Consequently, even though a person may have served for many years as a minister, such longtime ministry may not be that helpful to others who wish to learn more about how to function in a ministry role.

Optimize your ministry experience so that it becomes a valuable asset both to you and those who might learn from your years in ministry.

Here are some practices you might want to follow so you are maximizing the quality of your ministry:

1.  Reflect on your experience.  In other words, think through how you handled a particular situation. Suppose, for example, you have recently participated in lengthy discussions with your elder group. As you reflect on these discussions with them, you might realize you have been feeling frustration and even anger toward particular people within the group.

2.  Evaluate your experience.  How effective were you in what you said and the way you said it? How effective were you in your presentation to the group?  Perhaps there was a moment in which you spoke sharply.  If you continue to use that tone of voice and express anger in such a fashion, what will that ultimately do to your relationship with these people?

3.  Make needed changes in your attitude, behavior, and functioning.  Don’t simply repeat last week’s experience.  Be intentional about making changes in your life and the way you work.  In other words, aggressively keep growing, developing, and maturing.

Don’t waste the potential value of your years in ministry by neglecting to submit them to reflection, evaluation, and modification.

Now how valuable is this kind of experience?  Extremely!  You are a person whose experience is being tempered by wisdom, the community of believers, and Scripture.  As a humble person, God can work to give you awareness and clarity about what needs to change in your own life.  He will also give you power to make those needed changes.

When you come across a church leader who practices such a process, you and others may find this person to be a rich well of resources.

 

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Ministry Inside.110

March 7, 2013 — 5 Comments

quitHave you been tempted to quit?

Many of us have considered quitting at one time or another.  After all, serving in a ministry role can be very, very difficult.  In fact, there may be times that are so grueling you may wonder what you got yourself into.

Why would a minister and his family consider leaving a “full-time” ministry role?

1.  Relentless criticism from members of the congregation.  Many people in ministry roles understand that criticism comes with this work.  However, some criticism can be deeply hurtful and debilitating.  A minister may experience great pain and frustration when some in a congregation criticize his children or his spouse.  The same is true when criticism is aimed toward one’s personality or even his integrity.

2.  Disappointment that one experiences in a congregation.  Serving in a ministry role with a congregation often means that a person will become aware of some of the wonderful ways in which members quietly serve the Lord.  However, this can also mean that one is now exposed to some very nasty attitudes.  Perhaps this minister or elder even admired these people at one time.  Now, however, this church leader is witnessing another side of this church member.

3.  Financial stress.  Sometimes congregations do not provide adequate financial support to their ministers.  Consequently, some ministers and their families feel constant stress due to their financial situation.  Ministers may feel like they can not share this burden with their elder group or friends within the church lest their motives be misconstrued.  Consequently, these families bear this stress alone.  Yes, I know that some ministry families put themselves into debt due to unwise financial decisions and undisciplined spending.  However, some are simply trying to live on an income that is inadequate.

4.  Loneliness and isolation.  Some church leaders (ministers, elders, pastors, and many, many others) feel lonely and isolated.  They find that their friends really don’t understand the work they do or the pressures they are under.  Complicating this even more is the reality that some ministers often feel geographically isolated from their extended families due to their location.

 

Question:

What are some other reasons that might cause a church leader to consider leaving a particular ministry role?

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Ministry Inside.109

February 21, 2013 — Leave a comment

busy-bodies-need-massageWhen a minister is young, it is very tempting to rely on raw energy to carry one through the day.  You find that you can get up early in the morning, preach a funeral, do marriage counseling with a couple and then stay up late after a long elder’s meeting. Eventually, you may learn that such a lifestyle is not sustainable over the long term.

A minister (or any other church leader) can become drained and disillusioned. Such depletion is hazardous for any kind of long-term ministry.

Do you relate to any of the following three conditions?

1.  Some of us become consumed by our own busyness. We may finally realize that we are drained.

Many of us live with the nagging sense of the unfinished. There is always something to be remembered. Something to be done. Something to be said. With 24/7 accessibility (due to our communication devices), we may find that we are always doing something related to our work.  We often find it very difficult to be fully present. Yes, I am in a conversation but my phone is ringing, another text message has arrived, and e-mail is here.

Some time ago I heard a person say she was thankful she always ate fruit for breakfast because she didn’t have to sit down to eat. That may not mean much on the surface; however, her whole family lives a driven, pressure-filled lifestyle.

2.  Some of us become controlled by the urgent.

Life becomes moving from event to event. Some families rarely even eat meals together anymore.

Not only being occupied but also being preoccupied is highly encouraged in our society. The way in which newspaper, radio, and TV communicate their news to us creates an atmosphere of constant emergency. The excited voices of reporters, the preference for gruesome accidents, cruel crimes, and perverted behavior, in the hour to hour coverage of human misery at home and abroad slowly engulfs us with an all pervasive sense of impending doom.   On top of this bad news is the avalanche of advertisements. We live much like a logger who is doing poorly at cutting down the tree but was too busy to sharpen his ax.  (Henri Nouwen, Making All Things New)

3.  Some of us become bored and may even become disillusioned.

Perhaps you are very busy but wonder if what you are doing really makes any difference. You are busy with ministry, but wonder if it really counts. Do these things really matter?

Consequently, you may become bored and depressed.  This often occurs when the requirements of our work do not match our creative potential.  In other words, it seems that my work has lost its meaning.

Beneath all the accomplishments of our time, there is a deep amount of despair. While efficiency and control are the great aspirations of our society, the loneliness, isolation, lack of friendship and intimacy … and a deep sense of uselessness fills the hearts of millions of people in our success-oriented world.  (Henri Nouwen, Making All Things New)

 

Question: 

What is there about ministry that makes it particularly difficult to deal with one’s own busyness?

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Ministry Inside.108

February 14, 2013 — Leave a comment

brown-nosing-1Affirming or kissing up to?

You’ve seen this person.  In fact, you may have known him.  This is a minister, elder, or other church leader who kisses up to others.  Some think he is a great guy.  ”We need more people in this church (or organization) with an attitude like John’s!”  However, you know the truth.  You know that when others are not present, John regularly mocks, belittles, and even slanders them.

There is a big difference in kissing up to someone and in expressing genuine words of affirmation.

A person kissing up to someone:

1.  Will say one thing in front of church members (or others) and then behave totally different when only close friends are present.

2.  Will gripe about the elders during the week and then fawn them with praise in the elders meeting.

3.  Will say most anything to someone if it gives an advantage.

4.  Will publicly say good and kind words to another if he believes it will provide personal advantage.

This person is all about gaining a personal advantage.

What she says may sound very positive and even encouraging; however, over the course of time, one eventually realizes that the motive for doing so is to her own advantage not the encouragement of another.  In other words, he or she is attempting to manipulate another not love another.

Meanwhile, the person who expresses genuine words of affirmation is not seeking anything for himself. Rather, he is seeking the best for another person.  When one affirms the good in another, it is a way of loving that person enough to point out what is good and right in what the person has said or done.

Unfortunately, far too many people know what it is to deal with manipulators.  Manipulators have a way of draining the life out of people and organizations.

On the other hand, people who genuinely affirm others are life givers.  They have a way of blessing and encouraging others in ways that are not soon forgotten.

Which kind of person will we be?

 

Question:

Who in your life needs to hear specific, detailed words of affirmation from you this week?

 

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Ministry Inside.107

January 31, 2013 — 2 Comments

impression logo2Why did she say that?

Why would he post that picture on Facebook?

Why is he so insulting?

What Christian leaders say and do really does form an impression. In fact, you cannot keep from creating some kind of impression.

Consider for a moment what contributes to another’s impression of you.

This is important because we – due to our own behavior – either enhance or diminish our credibility in the eyes of others.

Consider the following.

  • My attitude. Am I pleasant to be with? Or, is my attitude negative, whiny, and sarcastic?
  • My attention. Do I give my spouse, my friends, and others my undivided attention? Or, am I constantly staring at my iPhone or iPad screen in their presence?
  • My presence. Do I communicate to others that I am glad to be with them? Or, do I sigh deeply and communicate in passive-aggressive ways that I really don’t want to be with these people?
  • My decisions. Do my decisions suggest that I am a very different kind of person when I am not in front of people in my ministry? Or, do my decisions reflect that I want to live a consistent life in every way?
  • My online presence. Do my words and pictures online reflect that I follow Christ?  Or, do my Facebook posts and pictures cause others to wonder?

So, who am I? I can tell you what I value and what is important to me; however, what these five reveal may be much closer to reality.

Question:

What has been helpful to you as you consider your own influence and credibility before others?

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