A Place For The God-Hungry

I was once at a conference with mostly ministers and other church leaders in attendance. A friend of mine came in late the first evening. The room was full but there was an empty seat on a back row.

The guy took this seat. Meanwhile, the conference began and our host proceeded to welcome us to the campus. I glanced at my friend. He had only been seated for about two minutes when he said “hello” to the person on his left. This guy was a teacher at the institution hosting the seminar. This guy looked at my friend and mumbled something. He then immediately got up from his chair and moved elsewhere in the room.

I witnessed this scene and thought, “Wow, we spend a lot of money to conduct conferences like this one. Guest speakers are here from different parts of the country. The point is to encourage church leaders. Yet, we can’t even say hello and sit with these ministers.”   

Many ministers, preachers, pastors, and elders are very weary.

What creates weariness?

I’m not quite sure. But I do know what contributes to it. For many of us, this is not a weariness that comes from reading a book for hours or having a fascinating discussion into the wee hours of the morning.
Rather, I am referring to the kind of weariness that comes from the work of ministry.

Where does weariness come from?

• Weariness is to spend hours and hours with a couple about their marriage only to see them divorce.
• Weariness is to see the church respond so graciously to a family who has been burned out by a fire only to see them place membership at another church three months later.
• Weariness is to pray for an opportunity to invite your neighbor to church only to see some of your friends walk past her without speaking.
• Weariness is to be in a church situation characterized by much strife and tension.
• Weariness is knowing you need to have thick skin, but the insults and rude comments are becoming too much.
• Weariness is to see the long, slow death of someone in your congregation. Then the funeral. Exhausting.
• Weariness is to realize that you are deeply disappointed regarding other church leaders who have behaved immaturely in a recent church situation.

Can you relate to any of these?

(You might find encouragement in: Matthew 11:25-30; Psalm 63; and Joshua 1.)

What causes ministry to be draining?

1. We can lead out of our anxiety (“Did anyone complain this morning?”) instead of our conviction (“How did God work in the life of the congregation this morning?”). Such leaders live in a constant state of reaction. For them, a good Sunday morning is when no one complains. Yet, is this the way God wants us to evaluate our assemblies?

2. We can spend a lot of energy trying to convince people to agree with us. This is quite different than communicating clearly how we arrived at a conclusion ourselves. Far better to calmly take a position or stand and attempt to clearly explain how you arrived at a conclusion, acknowledging that good people may differ.

3. We can be overly focused on what others say or want and lose sight of where we are going. It is one thing to be aware of what people think and feel. It is good to invite input and collaboration. Yet, far too many leaders become frozen in indecision.

4. We can talk repeatedly about what someone said or did that was wrong, and create a cloud of negativity over the group.

5. We can attempt to make everybody happy. We can live with the illusion that there is some way that we can achieve this in our church. As a result, progress loses out to the pursuit of happiness.

What Christian leaders can do to develop more endurance:

1. Deal with the elephants in the room. Name them and write them down. What is sucking the life and energy out of our minister group or elder group? You know the elephants. This is what church leaders often talk about on the parking lot after the meeting.

2. Make a decision, no matter how small, and follow through. Indecision is a huge energy drainer. Even decisions that may seem relatively small but are followed by one step forward can give great encouragement to a leadership and congregation.

3. Focus on your own functioning instead of focusing on everyone else.  ”What are you going to say?” “What are you going to do?” “How will you choose to spend your time at work?” If you will focus on your emotional growth, your spiritual growth, and your growth as a leader, you will experience less stress.

4. When you focus on yourself and your own functioning, you will be calmer and more relaxed. That, in turn relaxes others.

What is this going to cost?

I have a limited amount of money. It does not expand beyond my paycheck each month. Therefore I need to live within our budget and think about what I purchase. After all, if I purchase something today, I may not have the money to purchase something else tomorrow. There is a limit to my financial resources.

Good leaders pick their battles. Others seem to enjoy picking a fight. Yet, not every hill is worth dying on. You can go to battle over an opinion, a preference, or a concern today, but this may have implications for tomorrow. Be sure the battle is worth it. Far too many battles have been rooted in someone’s pride instead of a worthy cause. Consider whether or not this cause is important to Jesus.

Four suggestions:

1. Before going to battle for something, make sure the hill is worth it. Check with several wise people to get their feedback. You may not hear what you wanted to hear, but this will help your thought process. Far too many people are impulsive and rash in what they do. These leaders have a way of wearing people out. If you wear people out today, they may not have the energy for a much greater cause next month.

2. Remember that good will is not given to a leader in an infinite quantity. Churches will give a leader good will and the benefit of the doubt if they think that leader has earned it. However, one generally has only so much good will at his/her disposal.

3. Persistence and perseverance are great qualities. Some people see themselves as being persistent when it fact they are perceived as being obstinate, bullheaded, stubborn, and difficult. These qualities have a way of wearing others out. Consequently, you may wonder why others do not have the interest, much less the passion, about a new concern. They may be exhausted.

4. Be upfront genuine and avoid manipulation. A church leader once told me about something that he wanted to do in his congregation. He said that went ahead and did it without going through the proper channels. His explanation? “It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.” That is nothing less than a manipulative ploy. That is a good way to damage one’s credibility and wear out one’s welcome.

Most Thursdays I write a post especially for church leaders. If you are a pastor, preacher, elder, or simply engaged in some kind of ministry in your congregation, you may find this helpful.

1. You might enjoy Gordon MacDonald’s presentations from Bethel University. MacDonald is the author of a number of books and has been in ministry for years. He is the chancellor of Denver Seminary. Two of his recent presentations can be found here (number 2 and 3) in iTunes. These presentations are in the series “Improving Your Impact.” He is particularly useful to me in providing pastoral wisdom.
2. Are you familiar with Day1.org? This is primarily a preaching site-some good interviews, podcasts, etc. I first became aware of this site through some excellent interviews that I heard.

3. One of the most difficult moments for a minister is conducting the funeral of a child or young person. These are some of the most difficult funerals that I preach. It is also difficult to grieve with the family during this time, and later. Mike Cope has written a very fine series on his blog entitled “When a Child Dies.” This series is very valuable for anyone who wants to have a better feel for what families go through during these horrific times. You can read the first post here.

4. You might want to read the recent post I wrote: “Church Leaders Can Become Depressed?“ Some people might be amazed that many church leaders (in a variety of roles) may struggle with depression. I do not believe that we say enough about this. You might find this helpful.