About 20 years ago, I interviewed with a congregation that graciously expressed interest in the possibility of our family moving to their city and beginning my ministry with them. … Am I developing as a Christ-follower so that I am following Jesus into the will of God, no matter what stage of life I am in?Continue Reading...
Archives For Ministry
Trust is incredibly important in any relationship.
In fact, it would be difficult to overemphasize its importance. If trust is high in a marriage, friendship, church, or business, the atmosphere that permeates those relationships is often one of peace, harmony, and mutual respect. Have you given thought about just how important it is to be intentional about building trust?
Trust is critical in a ministry and congregation. Yet, many ministers/elders underestimate the importance and value of trust building.
Of course, building trust is not just a work for ministers and elders but all Christian men and women. (Taking questions such as these seriously would have a profound impact on our children and grandchildren, not to mention our friends and co-workers.)
Trust is built in a number of ways in a marriage, friendship, church, or between co-workers:
- Do you do what you say you are going to do?
- Do you speak truth and can people depend on your word?
- Do you behave in ways that are consistent with your commitment to Jesus? Or, are godly people surprised when they get up close to your life?
- Do you desire to close the gap between others’ public perception of you and the private reality of your life?
- Do you behave in a way that is honorable and right with the opposite sex?
- Do you handle yourself with integrity in the “little” things? Do you tell the truth when you are purchasing amusement park tickets at Six Flags regarding the ages of your children? Do you tell the truth about the product you sell? Do you return what you have borrowed from your neighbors? Do you refuse to take advantage of the cashier at Wal-Mart when she gives you too much change back?
- Do others have confidence in your judgment?
Let me suggest to you that there are a number of ways that, over time, you can increase the level of trust that others have in you.
1. Pay attention to your character. Trust from others increases as they see that you are the “real deal.” Over time, these people see that your life reflects the virtues of Christ. They can see your genuine intent to live a godly, virtuous, authentic life.
2. Pay attention to your relationships. Nothing destroys a relationship more quickly than self-centeredness and dishonesty. One way this occurs in some relationships is through manipulation. A manipulator cannot be trusted because she speaks words and uses people in order to get what she wants. You don’t have to go far to see the fallout of someone who has been burned by a manipulator.
3. Pay attention to your thinking. After all, one reason people trust another is because again and again he demonstrates good judgment. A person who lacks poor judgment will often make a snap, uninformed decision or will let his emotions take over in the heat of the moment.
I hope you find this helpful. These are three areas of my life that I pay close attention to.
Which one of these areas do you often find most challenging? What else would you add to this list of three?
Recently, I read Lance Witt’s Replenish: Leading From a Healthy Soul. The following are quotes from the book that I particularly liked:
(Regarding a conversation with a mentor.) I asked what I needed to do to help our church be effective at spiritual transformation, and this was his immediate response: ‘You must live with deep contentment, joy, and confidence in your experience of everyday life with God’ (p. 10).
But what doesn’t get talked about as much is the importance of healthy leaders. We will never grow healthy churches with unhealthy leaders (pp. 11-12)
.…in trying to fill the gap with leadership resources, inadvertently we have marginalized the soul side of leadership. The result is a crisis — one of spiritual healthy among pastors (p. 18).
We have neglected the fact that a pastor’s greatest leadership tool is a healthy soul (p. 19).
We’ve all witnessed the carnage of leaders who’ve had to leave ministry (at least for now) because of moral failure. The headlines are always about the scandalous and shocking behavior, but rarely mentioned is the back-story.
It is the story of a neglected soul and mismanaged character. Of a slow drift into relational isolation. Of being seduced by ambition. These leaders didn’t intend for it to happen, but somewhere along the journey they stopped paying attention to what was going on inside of them. The shift was incremental and at times imperceptible.
Having talked to some whose ministry has come crashing down around them, I can tell you the convergence of outward success, self-deception, soul neglect, and relational isolation creates the perfect storm for disaster (p. 19).
We may be better leaders than we used to be, but the evidence seems to say we are not better pastors or husbands or Christ followers (p. 20).
Godly leadership is always inside out (p. 20).
Many people want to be liked. There is no shortage of people who would like to be popular. Yet, it is much more important to live in such a way as to gain the respect of others.
Respect is not something that you acquire by going after it or trying to achieve it. Rather, respect comes when your life begins to reflect particular qualities. The following are ten behaviors that will often lead a person to the place where he/she is respected by others.
1. Listen. Really listen to what others say. Seek to understand what others are thinking and feeling. Attempt to put yourself in their place.
2. Show others respect, particularly those who are wiser and ahead of you on the journey.
3. Be a learner. I once knew a young mother who told her minister that she wasn’t interested in the new class at church for young parents. Why? She had recently read a particular book and would not be making the same mistakes with her children that others in the church had made. Hmm. There are no shortcuts to learning. We all have a lot to learn.
4. Be gracious. The way to respect is not through being sharp tongued and smart aleck. Rather, be gracious to people. Some years ago, I overheard author Max Lucado in a conversation with a very fine scholar. They were meeting one another for the first time. The scholar asked Lucado what he did for a living. (Max Lucado was already a best selling Christian author.) Lucado graciously responded by saying that he was an author and wrote books for ordinary Christians. The man then asked him to name the titles of a few of his books. Lucado responded by naming a few titles. He did not seem frustrated that the man did not know that he was a best selling Christian author. After overhearing that conversation, I came away with a whole new respect for Max Lucado.
5. Engage in wise, godly behavior whether anyone is looking or not. How tragic that someone would walk with Jesus for decades and then throw away their credibility by engaging in immorality.
6. Go beyond what is expected. Some people are forever taking short cuts. They do the bare minimum. Go beyond the minimum. Do what is expected and then some.
7. Do the right thing, even when it is very hard. Start with the seemingly insignificant decisions. One good decision will build on another.
8. Guard your mouth. How sad when a person opens his mouth and as a result destroys the respect that others previously had for him.
9. Be genuine. Don’t act one way in a meeting and then talk about the group members behind their back in a private conversation on the parking lot.
10. Demonstrate that you are worthy of another’s trust. Pay your debts, no matter how small. Keep your word. Do what you say you will do. You will gain the respect of others when they learn they can count on you.
What are other behaviors that tend to eventually create respect?
I need to laugh! Do you?
I grew up watching re-runs of “I Love Lucy”. Some of my earliest memories include evenings when I sat in front of our television watching this show. I laughed and laughed. I could turn this post into a list of the comedians and actors who I have enjoyed because they were funny.
I have a friend named, Mike, who is an exceptional storyteller. I can think of numerous lunches and dinners when I laughed and laughed at one of Mike’s stories. Mike not only is a great storyteller but he seems to genuinely enjoy telling these stories.
Some people seem to think that it is more spiritual to be grim faced, stoic, and deadly serious at all times. Yet, Jesus spoke about some people who would strain a gnat out of their soup while a camel had its hoof in their soup (Mt. 23:24). I can see Jesus grin as he used that image. He spoke of attempting to get a speck out of someone’s eye while having a beam rammed into your own eye socket (Mt. 7:3-5). This is a funny image.
Yes, I know that much of life is anything but humorous. There is so much pain and heartache in the world. Quite often, we have a front row seat as we watch our loved ones experience the pain of some kind of brokenness. With such people, we weep and mourn expressing our love to them.
On the other hand, I want to relish moments that invite laughter and joy. There is nothing spiritual about being dour, highly sensitive and easily offended.
So here is a suggestions: Learn to laugh at yourself.
We all make funny mistakes. We do things that are silly. Sometimes, we may be absentminded and do something ridiculous. Again, and again I do these things. Why not laugh at yourself? Genuine self-depricating humor will only endear others to you.
I love this story that my friend tells about a moment in a funeral home that he would probably like to do again. An older man in his congregation had recently died. He was a farmer, who had been married for many years. He was a simple man. He never wore a suit to church or a coat and tie of any kind. He simply wore his overalls.
On the night of the visitation at the funeral home, my friend went to express his support and care to the widow. My friend and this couple had been good friends for many years. At the funeral home, people were coming and going as they hugged the man’s wife and expressed their love.
My friend stepped into the visitation room and together with the widow, walked over to the casket. My friend looked at the old gentleman, dressed in a suit and tie. He then remarked to the widow, “You know, he wouldn’t have been caught dead in a suit.” My friend said that moments after those words left his mouth, it dawned on him what he had just said. For a moment, he froze, cringing with embarrassment. Finally, he looked up only to catch the eyes of this woman. She laughed and laughed! (Much to his relief!) He then laughed with her. Whew!
My friend told this story on himself. We laughed as he told it.
What does laughter do for you as a person? What happens to you when you are only rarely laughing?
Much talk, ink, and thought have been focused on leadership. That is good. Christian people look at leadership through a primary lens — the life and teachings of Jesus and his person and character as revealed in the Bible.
1. Godly leaders ought to have a clear understanding that this mysterious God has been at work throughout history leading up to his/her life. What matters did not begin when I showed up on the scene. Rather, God has been at work all along through a variety of people.
2. Godly leaders understand that pragmatism, effectiveness, and efficiency do not trump the place of Jesus in a life. Simply because something works does not mean that it is appropriate for a leader who aspires to follow Jesus.
3. Godly leaders place becoming before doing. Far too many leaders have done “church work” to the neglect of their marriages, their children, and their own souls. In ministry, doing needs to flow out of what we are becoming.
4. Godly leaders are called to model the values they articulate. Yes, this adds credibility to one’s message. Even more importantly, however, this is an authentic way to live.
5. Godly leaders pay attention to their own souls. They understand that the longevity and health of their ministry is very much connected to the condition of their own souls.
6. Godly leaders inspire and stimulate the imagination. The source of this imaginative stimulation is the story of the kingdom of God as proclaimed by Jesus.
In the introduction to his book Building Below the Waterline, Gordon MacDonald tells the following story about the construction of the Brooklyn Bridge.
David McCullough’s book The Great Bridge tells a fascinating story about the building of the Brooklyn Bridge, which arches the East River and joins Manhattan to Brooklyn.
In June 1872, the chief engineer of the project wrote: “To such of the general public as might imagine that no work had been done on the New York tower, because they see no evidence of it above the water, I should simply remark that the amount of the masonry and concrete laid on that foundation, under water, is equal to the entire masonry of the Brooklyn tower visible today above the waterline.”
The Brooklyn Bridge remains a major transportation artery in New York City today because 135 years ago the chief engineer and his construction team did their most patient and daring work where no one could see it: on the foundations of the towers below the waterline. It is one more illustration of an ageless principle in leadership: the work done below the waterline (in a leader’s soul) that determines whether he or she will stand the test of time and challenge.
Far Too Many People Pay No Attention to What is Beneath
Far too many families come apart.
Far too many men and women become angry and cynical and live this way for the rest of their lives.
Far too many church leaders crash and burn due to some poor, sinful decision.
Far too many people are not prepared for some of the difficult challenges they eventually face.
Pay Attention to the Soul
I have learned just how much I must pay attention to what is “beneath” in my own life. Everything on the surface clamors for my attention. Appointments. Sermons. Meetings. Projects. Finances. Yet, the best thing I have to offer others, whether it be my wife, my children, my church, or my friends, is a man who pays attention to his soul.
What have you experienced in your life when you are taking care of your soul? What have you experienced when you neglect what is “beneath”?
A young man came into the conference just as it was beginning.
He made his way to an empty chair on the back row. A person seated to his left was a part of the institution hosting the event. My friend whispered “hello” and smiled at the man. The man did not return the smile. Instead, he mumbled something and then got up from his chair and sat in another chair in another part of the room.
My friend was baffled. This particular conference is held every year to encourage those who work with congregations. They invest a lot of money in this event. They work hard and diligently to make sure that everything is just right for those who are coming to their campus.
Yet, what one man came away remembering from his first evening at the event is that a man representing the institution left his chair and sat elsewhere.
We may forget at times just how weary many people are. A simple smile and hello goes a long way.
I am not sure what creates weariness. I do know what contributes to it. Life (and everyday ministry) often contributes to much of our weariness:
- Weariness can come when you feel taken for granted and unappreciated at home or at work.
- Weariness can come from being present during the long slow death of someone in your family or church.
- Weariness can come when you regularly deal with a manipulator or immature person.
- Weariness can come when you have been praying that a friend from work would visit your church and then no one speaks to her on the morning she comes.
- Weariness can come from disappointment in your marriage, with your children, or perhaps with life in general.
Are you weary?
If you are weary, don’t wait for circumstances to change. Don’t simply wish that your life was different. Don’t spend your energy saying “If only.” Instead, decide to take action. Decide that you will do something to add strength and energy back into your life again.
One of the best antidotes to weariness is to begin by taking the first step toward replenishment. That has to be done on purpose. Yes, it is hard when you are weary. However, taking a first step toward replenishment sure beats passivity.
What holds you back?
These days I ask, “What is the first step that I need to take?”
Most Thursdays, I post something with pastors, preachers, and church leaders in mind. Maybe one or more of the following will be helpful.
6 Things Your Writing Must Have to Wow Readers by L. L. Barkat. This is a very good post for writers and preachers. Also, don’t miss this interview with L. L. Barkat regarding her book Rumors of Water: Thoughts On Creativity and Writing.
I really like these words from Eugene Peterson regarding the essence of pastoral ministry:
Incrementally, without noticing what I was doing, I had been shifting from being a pastor dealing with God in people’s lives to treating them as persons dealing with problems in their lives. I was not being their pastor . . . But by reducing them to problems to be fixed, I omitted the biggest thing of all of in their lives, God and their souls, and the biggest thing in my life, my vocation as pastor . . . I knew I had turned a corner when a year or so later I visited Marilyn in the hospital. Marilyn was in her mid-twenties, married, and newly employed as a lawyer with an established firm in our country . . . She said she was in the hospital for tests — she hadn’t been feeling well, and the doctors were having difficulty diagnosing anything . . . Feeling cautiously safe, I ventured ‘Is there anything you want me to do?’ Marilyn hesitated. And then, shyly, ‘Yes, I’ve been thinking a lot about it. Would you teach me to pray’ (Eugene Peterson, The Pastor: A Memoir pp. 140-141)
Do you read Jeff Goins’posts regarding writing? I really find so many of his posts helpful. Not only do his words apply to writing but also could be helpful to anyone who uses words through speaking.
This might be useful to think about as many of us spend much of our time in one to one conversations: “7 Tips to Know if You’re Boring Someone.”
Came across this quote this week attributed to C. S. Lewis (quoted by Faith Barista):
“The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are.”
Ministers might ask themselves, “Do I surround myself with people who are wise? Are there men and women in my world who are wise and thoughtful?” This is very important to me. I purposefully seek out people who are wise.