Fear

I love this quote:

Feel the fear and do it anyway. It’s a cliché now, but when I first heard that idea 15 years ago, it was new to me and incredibly empowering. I’ve now gotten in the habit of chasing my fears. Overcoming my fear of flying is my best example. Ten years ago I refused to fly—now I’m on planes every week.

See Kelly McGonigal “How I Work” in Lifehacker.

Leadership

See Julie Pierce “Leadership Q & A: What Helps You Grow as a Leader.”  Some very good resources here.  See also Thom Rainer’s book “Ten Characteristics of Leaders that Last.”

Books

From Real Simple ”50 Great Books that Will Change Your Life.”

Growth

From Farnam Street  “The 8 Causes of Plateaus.”

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Each Thursday, I write this post primarily for church leaders.  Readers of this post are from many locations, a variety of traditions, and different congregations.

Ministry is tough.  It is not for the fainthearted or thin-skinned.

Because it is difficult, it is very important to be intentional about maintaining your effectiveness.  So many Christian leaders lose their edge because of their inattention to matters that may not seem important at first.  Neglecting these, however, can catch up with you.

A few suggestions:

1.  Pay attention to your own formation.  As a friend of mine said the other day at breakfast, “It is awfully hard for a congregation to be spiritually formed if the minister is not being spiritually formed as well.”

2.  Cultivate good daily habits.  Yes, this makes a difference.  My sleep habits, eating habits, and general rhythm of life can either add energy or deplete it.

3.  Have a plan for when you do the most important things of the day.  For example, I try to do the really important things of my day in the morning.  I have found that I have more energy and vitality in the morning.  That may or may not be when you might choose to do what is especially important; however, it is important to have a plan.

4. Pay attention to your speech.  Some people seem to regularly use negative language.

How is your day?  ”Not bad for a Tuesday, but it’s only noon.”

How is your project?  ”I’m crossing my fingers.  I typically have bad luck on something like this.”

How is your congregation?  ”Oh, it’s OK.  You know you’re only as secure as the next elder meeting.”

Constant negativity will drain your energy, not to mention the energy of the people around you.  I have found it much more helpful to think of the day as a gift from God.  I don’t want to see the day as something to endure but as something with possibility.

The bottom line is that people who seem to be at their best are those people who have learned to live one day at a time and do what it takes to replenish their energy.

Question:

What do you do to give yourself an advantage each day?

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Didn’t do your homework?  Tell the teacher you weren’t feeling well. 

Stopped for speeding?  Tell the officer you were trying to get to the hospital quickly because your mother is very sick. 

Trying to sell your home?  Tell the prospective home buyer only what will help sell the house.  Don’t tell about that leaky roof. 

Is the amusement park too expensive?  Tell the attendant that your children are younger than they really are so they can get in with children’s tickets.  

So many of us try to solve our problems by not telling the truth.  Now of course we usually don’t use the word “lie.”  That word sounds bad.  We would see ourselves as simply trying to fix a problem.

However, these really are lies.  When you lie, you do so at a very heavy price.

A number of years ago, I was watching a television news program about prisoners on death row.  At one point, the reporter interviewed a man who had grown up in a very good family and had many advantages in his early years.  Yet, he had murdered someone and now was on death row.

The reporter asked him, “How could this have happened?  You had a good home and a good upbringing.”

The death row inmate said, “A person’s character is much like a tow sack of rocks that one is carrying over his shoulder.  Each time you make a poor decision, lie, or compromise your character in some way, you lose a rock.  That may seem like no big deal at the time.  However, as you go through life lying and compromising, you one day realize that you have no rocks left.  You have compromised your character.”

When we lie, our character is being chipped away little by little with each lie.  If you are like many who lie, you one day look in the mirror and realize that you are not the man or woman you used to be.

Maybe there is a way to deal with our problems through the grace of God instead of only making them bigger.

Question

What are we often tempted to lie instead of facing our problems?

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I love the following video on creativity.  Worth thinking about.

Leadership

Important questions from Margaret Marcuson regarding self-definition (think Systems Theory) for church leaders.  ”Six ways to practice defining yourself at church.”  You might also want to be aware of her book Leaders Who Last.

Culture

“Why the Boomers are the Most Hated Generation” from the Atlantic.  Interesting.

Writing

“Here’s How Sonia Simone Writes.”  This is the opportunity to look over the shoulder of this writer for Copyblogger to observe how she does her work.  Interesting.

Books

See Rachelle Gardner: “How Good Books Can Lead To Spotless Floors.”

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A heightened self-consciousness will drain you of energy and eventually diminish your joy.  Perhaps what is especially dangerous is that you can easily become a pretender.

Many church leaders understand all too well that they are often being scrutinized by people.  One of the unhealthy responses to criticism is a heightened self-consciousness.  What I mean by this is an exaggerated preoccupation with how others perceive you.  Consequently:

• You try too hard to be liked.
• You try too hard to say what will appeal to everyone and cause no one displeasure.
• You try too hard to preach/teach what will not cause anyone to experience discomfort.
• You try too hard to disclose only what you believe others want to hear and not what you genuinely believe.
• You try too hard to convince others that you are a likable person while you lose your convictions in the process.
• You try too hard to please people and experience way too much distress when someone is not pleased.

After a while, if you are like some church leaders, you become so self-conscious about what others think that you lose any sense of who you really are.  In fact, you may look in the mirror and feel like a pretender.

What next?

A few suggestions:

1.  Pray that you might become more God-conscious than self-conscious.  Spending time in solitude and silence might help you discern just how much of your energy is being devoted to pleasing others.

2.  Get honest.  Start with writing what you really think, believe, want, etc. in a journal.  Write this down without filtering it or posturing for others.  Just say it.  Sometimes people who have public roles can actually lose any sense of what they really believe.

3.  Ask those closest to you for their assessment of your public statements, talks, messages, etc. versus what you actually say in private.  Suppose for example that your church has a ministry that has become ineffective and should have died five years ago.  You communicate this to your family. Then, on a Sunday morning you talk about this ministry as if it were the most important work the church has going.  That is inconsistent.  Ask your family if what you say in private is in line with what you are saying publicly.

Question: 

What has been helpful to you in dealing with the temptation to focus too much of your energy on how others perceive you?

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Consider this statement found on the Farnam Street blog.  Might be helpful as you consider how to spend your time and energy.  Especially important as you and I make choices about how we use our time each day.  I think we may underestimate how many distractions clamor for our attention throughout the day.

More About Time

Top Ten Time Savers for the Stuff You are Too Busy to Do

N. T. Wright

Read this advance praise for N. T. Wright’s upcoming book Paul and the Faithfulness of God.

Free Kindle Books

From Lifehacker: Finding Free Books For Your Amazon Kindle.

Presentations

“How to Give a Killer Presentation” from the Harvard Business Review.

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Looking back, these were often the times in which I learned important lessons about life and ministry.

Some years ago we lived in North Alabama.  I was preaching for a congregation that seemed to attract many people who had struggled with various addictions.  In addition, the congregation was attractive to men and women who had experienced some sort of spiritual setback in their lives. Quite often they were coming back to church for the first time in years.  Many were learning to follow Jesus as adults.

At the same time, I was a young minister with a wife and two small children.  I had just finished three years of academic preparation at ACU.  I was eager, sincere, and wanted to do good.

However, I really had no sense for what I needed to do.  Every day, I was scrambling to keep up with the counseling demands, preparation for sermons, and the other needs of a small church. Because we were a small church, the responsibilities were extremely varied.

I did not know how to structure a week or even a day so I could address some of the big picture items in our church.  Instead, I was scrambling to simply get through the day.  I was carrying out my ministry the only way I knew how.  I had no sense for looking ahead or what would help the church months and years ahead.  I was just trying to get through each busy, intense day.  In all honesty, some of this busyness probably also fed my ego. 

That was many years ago.

At this point in my life, I can see several mistakes I made during that time.

1.  I made the mistake of thinking that ministry was about being busy doing good things.  One can be very busy and really not address the most important matters needing attention.

2.  I made the mistake of thinking that by working hard I was doing what I needed to do in my ministry.  Yet, while I may have been working hard, I was not working smart.  As a young minister, I needed more time for prayer, reflection, and study that didn’t demand a class or sermon to come from it.  I don’t know any disciplines more important for any minister.

3.  I made the mistake of not being transparent with a few older and wiser ministers about the pace and work schedule I was trying to maintain.  I did meet with more experienced ministers on occasion.  I would ask questions, seeking to learn and grow.  That was a good practice.  Yet, I wish I had asked for others to look at my schedule and calendar and give candid opinions.  That would have been helpful.

Question:

What mistakes have you made that taught you the most?

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Being a parent is very humbling.

I still have much to learn about being a parent.  (Right now, I am trying to learn how to be a good parent to two adult children and their spouses.)  When our children were young, I read, listened to audio/video presentations, and watched other parents in order to learn how to be a good parent. Charlotte and I learned a great deal by paying attention to what others did with their children.  I can’t emphasize enough the simple practice of observing other parents and processing what you see. Periodically, I would ask some more experienced parents questions about child rearing. 

In recent years, I have observed a few things that encourage me greatly.  I can think of a number of younger couples who seem to excel at what they are doing as Christian parents.  On the other hand, I have also observed some parenting that causes me great concern.

What makes me nervous?

A mom and dad who seem to think they have arrived in their understanding of parenting.There are some people who have been parents for two, three, or four years who almost seem to think they are a cut above other young parents.  Sometimes they will have read one book on parenting and see that book as the definitive work on parenting.  No reason to read anything else or listen to anyone else.  After all, they have read the book (not referring to the Bible).  Really? Such a spirit does not reflect advanced intelligence about parenting but naiveté or worse.

A mom and dad who have basically placed their child in charge.  This family has become child-centered.  Whatever this child wants, this child gets. Such child-centeredness is to the detriment of the child.  This happens regardless of how many other people are inconvenienced by the desire of these parents to please this child at all costs.

How does a person navigate this parenting journey?

1.  Pray for your parenting and for your child.  If you aren’t praying for your children regularly, who is?

2.  Be intentional about your children and their faith journey.

3.  Lighten up!  Every parent has messed up.  OK, you lost your temper or you said that word. Maybe you were impatient with your child and snapped at him.  Receive the grace of God and leave the past in his hands.

Question

What have you learned by observing good parents?

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In fact, sometimes the people who have the most difficulty with the grace of God are those who lead churches.

We may find ourselves communicating the grace of God to the person who has led a difficult life, who has basically lived the lifestyle of the world.  We may speak passion in sermons regarding God’s willingness to forgive sins no matter what they are.

Yet, church leaders often have difficulty believing and experiencing the grace of God.

Consider:

• A congregation is in decline.  The church leaders have done everything they know to do to address the situation.  These leaders feel woefully inadequate.  This feeling of inadequacy is compounded by guilt as they hear that several other churches in their area are growing.
• A minister has an aha moment regarding the importance of spiritual transformation both for himself and for the church.  Yet, he feels guilty that he did not grasp this reality earlier.
• A church leader’s child grows up and makes some poor decisions regarding his life.  Now there is much guilt over this child’s life.

Many of us who are conscientious and have given our lives to ministry in a congregation can be extraordinarily hard on ourselves.  We may preach that God lavishes his grace upon others but we may act as if grace is really not available for ministers or elders.

Grace means that my failings as a minister do not define me.

Believe me, most every minister or other church leader is well aware of areas in which he feels like he has fallen short.

• I may feel as if I have not been good enough, competent enough, or bold enough in my ministry.
• I may feel that I should have done more to prevent the divorces in our church.
• I may feel frustrated that I did not preach on this or that subject more.
• I may feel inadequate to know what to do regarding a congregational problem.
• I may feel responsible for some of the apathy in the church.
• I may feel burdened by the ministry of the church as it seems that so much of it rests on me.
• I may feel baffled at the immaturity that remains in the congregation, wondering if I should have done something different.

The guilt and sense of inadequacy that comes from years of ministry can be debilitating.  In fact, it would not be an exaggeration to suggest that many church leaders spend far too much time loathing themselves for their shortcomings.

Yet, isn’t the grace of God for church leaders too?

The grace of God means that I can let it go.  I can live with a freeing lightness and I don’t have to be focused on yesterday.

The grace of God means that he is still at work transforming me.  I can thank him for what he is doing instead of being focused on how much transformation is yet to be done.

The grace of God is for today.  Yesterday is forgiven.  Tomorrow will rest in hope as God keeps his promises.  In the meantime, we have today.  Regardless of what we face today, his grace is sufficient and should be embraced as we go forward.

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This is a helpful post: “40 iPhone tips and tricks everyone should know.”

Writing

Jeff Goins is always helpful.  He offers good suggestions, tools, and insight for anyone interested in writing.  ”Writing Tips to Make You Better.”  You might also enjoy “Here’s How Jeff Goins Writes.”

Habits

“From Beethoven to Woody Allen – The Daily Rituals of the World’s Most Creative People and What You Can Learn from Them.”  I really enjoy getting a peek at how others work.  See also “The Daily Routines of Famous Writers.”

Tools

John Mark Hicks recently wrote a helpful piece “Stone-Campbell Research Tools.”

Journal

Have you seen The City?  This is an interesting journal published by Houston Baptist University.

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