10 Kinds of Amazing People

January 19, 2012 — 5 Comments

Jamie and Cal told us about it and a few weeks ago we finally went to Mutts Amazing Hot Dogs in Oklahoma City. The menu is incredible.   

(My hot dog, “The Windy City Dog,” is on the far right.)

The sign is right; these hot dogs are amazing.

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Yet, I am even more grateful to be able to witness some amazing people.

1. Husbands and wives who are committed to one another and Jesus and who find joy even as they work through their marital issues.

2. People who are generous with their money, supporting good works and ministries that bless people on the margin.

3. Ministers who are relentless about growing and learning though they have served in their roles for many years.

4. Men and women who keep abreast of the important political issues of the day yet temper their conversations regarding these issues with wisdom and grace.

5. Couples in their 20s who are getting serious about Jesus, serving him through their work and mission trips and volunteering with ministries that serve disadvantaged neighborhoods.

6. Teenagers who spend their spring break serving the poor and giving their time to others instead of going where they could relax and do what they wanted for fun.

7. Men who grow up, refusing to remain little boys, and model kingdom living before their families.

8. People who are incredibly grateful to God though life has been rough and extraordinarily painful at times.

9. Family members who care for chronically or even terminally ill loved ones, often foregoing their own plans and preferences.

10. Mothers and dads who care for their special needs children with grace though it is exhausting and often incredibly difficult.

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Five Suggestions for Staying Alive and Vibrant

January 19, 2012 — Leave a comment

If you want to grow old in a hurry, just keep talking about growing old. aging.jpg

Have you ever noticed?

  • Some people seem young at 70 while others appear to get old at 50. Much of this has its roots in attitude.
  • Some people are always talking about being old. This probably says more about that person’s attitude than age.
  • Some people act as if life is over once their kids are out of college. They seem to no longer have any purpose.
  • Some people never seem to grow up. Their immaturity prevents them from becoming a person who could contribute so much more to their families and others.

A number of years ago, Charlotte and I were guests in a home of some very fine people. This man had experienced a good career and was now retired. We walked into the house and immediately noticed that everything was dated–very dated. I felt like we had gone back in time at least fifteen years. Their children were now grown, yet, there were no recent pictures of them. Instead, the pictures on the wall appeared to have been taken when they were in college.

It was as if time had stood still for these parents.

This same dynamic sometimes occurs with people who are much younger. For example, a guy can sometimes get stuck in his high school years when he played football. He continues to bring up his glory years on the field. No problem with reminiscing. However, he talks as if those years were when he experienced real life.

So how does a person move through life?

1. Be fully present in whatever age you are. Live in the moment. Be careful about focusing on the “good old days” while you miss the joy of being present in this moment.

2. Stop talking about your age as if it were a liability. Many people get tired of hearing others go on and on about their age. Instead, be thankful that you are alive.

3. See aging as the opportunity to grow in wisdom instead of a downhill slide into irrelevancy. Don’t buy the cultural myths.

4. Choose to grow, learn, develop, and try new things for the rest of your life. Such intentional living will keep you more alive and vibrant than spending years passively sitting in a recliner.

5. As a Christ-follower, believe that the best is yet to come. Savor those wonderful past experiences but know that what is to come far outweighs what you have already experienced.

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Ministry Inside.67

January 13, 2012 — 4 Comments

What I read each day: Each day I skim the front pages of The New York Times, The Washington Post, CNN, The Financial Times, USA Today, The Economist, and The Globe and Mail. Again, I mainly skim the front pages of these publications. Each day, I read Scot McKnight’s Jesus Creed and Michael Hyatt’s blog. When I see something that interests me, I typically put it in Evernote to read later.

What I read each week: Several times each week I skim through my Google Reader in order to keep up with several hundred blogs. These blogs are categorized under headings such as: ministry, biblical/theology, culture, leadership, writing, preaching, technology, etc.

Each Thursday, I write a post especially for ministers, pastors, and other church leaders. Some of you may be interested in this information.

What I read regularly: Leadership; Christianity Today; Books and Culture; Christian Century; Conversations, The New York Times Book Review, etc.

Where I go for encouragement: I usually go to the Pepperdine Lectures and to ACU’s Summit. At other times I go to events hosted by Regent College (Vancouver B.C.). I regularly attend the Sermon Seminar hosted buy the Austin Graduate School of Theology. I also attend numerous events (preaching workshops and lectures) hosted by Truett Theological Seminary (Baylor University).

What I do for my learning: I initiate lunches with interesting people in order to learn. (I buy the lunch and then ask these people questions.) I listen to podcasts. Sometimes I listen to a few classes from a university that has posted them on iTunes University. I read widely, both theological books and those not theological. Most of the time, I purchase from Amazon. If I anticipate only reading the book once, I will probably order it for my Kindle. If I anticipate using the book repeatedly, or if it is written by one of my favorite authors, I usually order it in book form.

Bottom line: I often focus on a few authors who I find thoughtful, resourceful, or inspiring. I like authors such as N.T. Wright, David Allen, James Bryan Smith, Peter Scazzero, Eugene Peterson, Scot McKnight, Tim Keller, Ruth Haley Barton, etc. I read authors for different purposes. One author may help me understand the Bible while another might help me with personal organization. One author might help me with understanding the essence of ministry while another might help me learn to communicate better.

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5 Ways to Build a Solid Foundation for Marriage

January 9, 2012 — 2 Comments

Are you young and newly married? Or, have you been married for a few years?stk142184rke

Regardless, the attention you give to the foundation of your marriage is important. In fact, it is critical. How you build your married life together right now will impact you for many years to come.

When Charlotte and I got married, we loved each other and wanted our marriage to be good. However, I don’t think I had any idea about the kind of behaviors and habits needed to build a solid foundation. About all I knew was make an effort to be a good husband. Looking back, I think I missed some opportunities that might have helped us begin our marriage well.

Unfortunately, many couples begin their marriages by paying little attention to what makes their foundation strong. As a result, they miss opportunities to build a solid foundation.

The following five suggestions can help you begin to build a great foundation. If you have been married for a while, these might be reminders of what will help keep your foundation strong.

1. Pay attention to one another now. Yes, a husband and wife may be in the same room. However, they may actually pay little attention to one another. Instead, night after night the television blares while they each focus on their phones. Far too many couples communicate with others (texts, Facebook messages, tweets) but spend little energy connecting with each another.

2. Set up protective boundaries now. Talk with one another about appropriate boundaries with persons of the opposite sex. Talk about appropriate boundaries for conflict. (For example, a couple should not use demeaning language or dredge up old wounds.) Couples need to talk about boundaries with their families of origin and how they will relate to them.

3. Commit yourselves to an encouraging Christian community now. Far too many Christian couples are only nominally connected to a church during their first few years of marriage. Listen, the time to connect with a church is immediately. Find a Christian community that will support and encourage your marriage. Find a church where there are not only others your age who are married but older believers who have invested their lives building good marriages.

4. Take the initiative to build your friendship now. Unfortunately, the expectations for marriage are often so high and unrealistic that couples remain continually frustrated and disappointed. Far better to simply focus on building a loyal, life-giving friendship with your spouse. Focusing on your friendship can heighten the joy you experience in your marriage. (By the way, it will also bless your sexual relationship with one another.)   

5. Talk through your frustrations with one another now. Do not let the frustration build up inside you. Do not assume that it will just work itself out. Talk through your frustrations. Be the first to admit wrong. Make the first move to change your own behavior. Step up.

Question:

Which one of these five especially connected with you? What else might you include in this list of foundation building behaviors?

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Ministry Inside.66

January 5, 2012 — 2 Comments

(The following post is written with church leaders, preachers, pastors, and other ministers in mind. However, many of these comments will be useful to others.)

1. Pay attention to the basics. Well-meaning church leaders will sometimes expend great energy and other resources in order to attract guests to their assemblies. Yet, churches sometimes ignore the basics. Recently a young couple visited a church located in a large city. They had never been to an assembly in this church before. The couple came in just as the service was beginning. They found a pew and sat down. Then they heard a loud voice: “Well, there goes the view!” Meanwhile, the person at the microphone in the front proceeded to welcome “all of our guests today. “The couple said, “We won’t be going back. This is probably not the church for us.”

2. I just received my order from Amazon. As I looked through the books that had arrived, I thought about how many of them were purchased after I first read reviews or read them on Scot McKnight’s blog, Jesus Creed. What a wonderful ministry to church leaders.

3. I really enjoy the Journal of Spiritual Formation and Soul Care. It is published by the Talbot School of Theology, Biola University. The articles not only deal with individual spiritual formation but the church collectively as well.

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4. “We want to get better.” This is exactly what my friend said the other day. I had driven to his home a few weeks ago. He preaches in a city a few hours from Waco. I was there to spend the morning with him. As we talked, he shared with me a conversation that he and his wife heard just a few weeks earlier. My friend and his wife are in their early 60s. He said, “We talked about the next ten years and how we want to get better.”

I like that. So I am beginning this year with the desire to get better in 2012. I do not want to be stuck in status quo. What about you? What would it take for you to get better this year?

5. Don’t miss Michael Hyatt’s post “Are You Operating in Your Strengths Zone?“ This is a fine post and would be helpful for ministers and any other Christian leader to consider. (By the way, as of January 1, I began working with a team of nine others as one of Michael Hyatt’s “Community Leaders” to help manage comments on his blog. I am enjoying the interaction with those who respond.)

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Will You Take the Initiative?

January 4, 2012 — 4 Comments

Some people would rather sit than take the initiative to make something happen. initiative.jpg

I have known men who took very little initiative in their homes.

For example, I knew of a man who spent much time in his recliner each day while the television blared. This was his life after work most days of the week. He seemed oblivious to what was going on around him. When the baby cried, he remained in his chair, expecting his wife to take care of the situation. When he smelled something burning in the kitchen, he continued to stare at the television, expecting his wife to come from the back of the house to check on it. He was passive and took little initiative in his home.

I knew another man who mowed his yard on weekends and often spent hours tinkering with his car. Yet, he took no initiative with his children. He did not initiate conversations with them, much less initiate spending time together.

When I got married, I knew I had much to learn about being a husband.

Of course I had no idea just how much I had to learn. I really wasn’t sure where to begin.

I began to closely watch my father-in-law as he related to my mother-in-law and their children. I noticed that he took initiative with his wife. He did not seem to take advantage of her helpfulness nor did he take her for granted. He took initiative to honor her. He was intentional about speaking highly of her.

As a father, he was very connected with his children. He seemed to be very aware of where they were in their lives and what they might be dealing with. He seemed to pay attention to the “little things” in their lives. His words were affirming and encouraging. Again and again, he seemed to take the initiative in conversations with them.

I have learned that maturing people take the initiative. In fact, leaders are people who have learned to take the initiative.

As the New Year begins, why not consider being more intentional about taking initiative. Some examples:

1. Take the initiative to help. Far too many people wait for someone to ask them to do something. Instead of sitting in the recliner, step toward maturity. Take the initiative to deal with a screaming child, a ringing doorbell, or a burning dish.

2. Take the initiative to solve a problem. Don’t wait for your boss to insist on it. Don’t wait for your wife to Google it. Don’t wait for someone else to notice the problem. Take the initiative to deal with it. Step up!

3. Take the initiative to do the mundane. Open the door for someone. Get up and refill everyone’s tea glasses. Help put up chairs after the event.

4. Take the initiative to pay for the meal when you are dining with friends in a restaurant. Do the same people always pick up the check? If another couple is in your home and you decide to order a pizza, do you ever offer to pay for the pizza? Take the initiative to be generous.

5. Take the initiative to speak to others. So many people wait for others to speak and then talk about the lack of friendliness in others. Take the initiative to speak first.

6. Take the initiative to love your spouse. Do what will bless him/her regardless. Why wait for him/her to make the first move? Maturing people are willing to go first. Is your marriage stuck? Take the initiative to get help.

7. Take the initiative to grow. Growth and maturing doesn’t just happen. Read a good book. Listen to a podcast. Go to a workshop or seminar. Do something intentional for your growth.

8. Take the initiative to do more than just get by. Seek excellence in a few things that matter. Far too many people simply accept the status quo.

9. Take the initiative to lead. Do you have influence with one, five, 20 or a 100 people? Do something that adds positive value in the lives of others. Do you know where others can get help? Point the way. Do you have a gift or skill that is really needed? Step up and model this.

10. Take the initiative to love. Show kindness. Demonstrate good will. Share your knowledge, insight, or resources. Be helpful.

Question:

Which one of these ten suggestions connect with you? What is in your life, work, ministry that is waiting for you to take the initiative?

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When My New Year Was Changed By Christmas

January 1, 2012 — 2 Comments

I won’t forget that Christmas.

I was a junior in college and working nights at UPS. That Christmas my family was going to Arkansas to see my grandparents and other relatives. For some reason, which I do not remember, I decided to stay home and not go with them. They left several days before Christmas. I worked all night at UPS each night while they were gone until Christmas Eve. I was off both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I was home alone both days. I soon realized what a big mistake I had made. I could not believe I had not gone with my family to Arkansas. I was aggravated that I had made such a decision. I also felt silly. This was another decision I had made without thinking through the consequences. In those years, I seemed to make such decisions far too often.

While I was home that Christmas, I thought about my life, my decisions, and my future. Those two days turned out to be a milestone for me. I wrote my thoughts in a notebook. Years later, I still have this notebook.

Some of the conclusions I reached:

1. No one was holding their breath waiting to see what I was going to do with my life. Most people had enough of their own problems to worry about.

2. I could continue to not put forth my best effort in some of my classes at the university but I was only hurting myself.

3. I could learn from some of the frustrations I had experienced or I could let these frustrations become excuses.

4. My future could be better but I would need to make better decisions.

5. Much of the work I needed to do in my life was relational. I needed to learn how to invest in people and get my focus off myself.

In many ways, those two days were decisive.

I came away from those two days more focused on the future than I had been. Consequently, I began to make better decisions in the present. What about you? Can you point to a time when you thought through the direction of your life and as a result found much clarity?   

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Merry Christmas

December 24, 2011 — 4 Comments

Merry Christmas!xmastree (1).jpg

May all of you who read this blog have a wonderful Christmas. I hope that you enjoy time with family and good friends over the next few days.

I will not be posting until January 1.

May God bless you with a time to build good and lasting memories.

Jim Martin

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At the Close of the Year, is it Time to Reboot Your Life?

December 19, 2011 — 3 Comments

Mark Buchanan is one of my favorite writers. Several years ago, I read his book Things Unseen. He speaks of an early memory of his father.



We are on holiday.

My father, whose work to him was often a heaviness and a dreariness, is light from two weeks of rest and play and silence. His chronic irritability, his swift, jerky snapping at things, is gone.  

He often looked as if he was constantly fighting invisible restraints–a failed Houdini who, no matter how much he thrust and twisted to loose the ropes and chains, couldn’t slip free. But his usual motions of rigid haste have slowed and smoothed, and the things that three weeks ago would have made him explode in anger or withdraw in sullenness now just make him shrug or chuckle. My mother has relaxed into my father’s softening mood. She has almost collapsed into it, thankful, weary, only now realizing how close she herself was to breaking.

He goes on to speak of something that happened in a summer cabin where they were staying, which elicited the most unusual response. I’ll have to get back to this later. For now, I want to think for a moment about the memory that he has of his father’s typical behavior…

…chronic irritability, his swift, jerky snapping at things…  

It is such a memory that it makes quite an impression when it is gone, immediately after vacation. His father left the impression with him that his work was often a heaviness and dreariness.  

Wow… This makes me wonder about what my children have picked up from me. What have they seen in terms of my moods and attitudes?

So often when we (parents) think about raising children, we think about what we need to teach them or tell them.

Yet, they learn so much by just being with us. They see us for who we are, not what we would like to project to them. It might be good to think about the kind of memories that we are giving them. I don’t say this to elicit guilt. I do think that we need to deal with our lives as we really are. That can be very uncomfortable.

Thank God for his grace.

(Repost)

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Ministry Inside.65

December 16, 2011 — 4 Comments

Each Thursday, the post is especially for ministers, preachers, pastors, and other church leaders. Whether you identify with any of these roles or not, perhaps you will find the following interesting.coffeeA.jpg

1. Appreciation. I can’t tell you how many ministers are starved to hear a “thank you” or just a genuine word of appreciation from their church or elder groups. In some churches, it has been a long, long time since they said “thanks” to any of their ministers. I really don’t think most ministers believe the church owes them a word of thanks. It’s not that at all. Some ministers even feel embarrassed that they want to hear this so badly.

Unfortunately, many ministers feel taken for granted. They preach sermon after sermon and serve in numerous ways, often in obscurity. Many ministers are very conscientious. Consequently, they work very hard to get a certain project just right. Unfortunately, what some of these hear is not a word of gratitude but a critique. “Why didn’t you do it this way instead of the way you did it?” They hear no gratitude but instead hear from a person whose only comment is, “I think you can do better.”

Far too many ministers feel as if the church takes them for granted. Unfortunately, far too many elder groups (both individually and as a group) fail to express to these people gratitude, affirmation and any recognition of a job well done to these people. When churches fail to do this, it is ultimately the people in the congregation who lose.

Maybe one of the most significant gifts that we can give another this Christmas is the affirmation and encouragement that may be long overdue.

2. Healthy Self-Definition. Today, I read a portion of an excellent article that appeared in Clergy Journal in August 1994. The article is “Clergy Self-Care: Defining and Valuing the Self” by Myron and Jan Chartier.   

The Chartiers describe self-definition as being linked to one’s personal differentiation. That is, one has a strong sense of self. A person with a good sense of self-defintion takes responsibility for his own well being (instead of blaming others) and emotional health. This enables one to relate to a variety of people in a church.

For example, a person with a good sense of self-defintion is not focused on making others happy. Rather this person has learned to have a strong sense of self and relates to others who have different views without trying to say what makes them happy. On the other hand, this person does not feel the need to have everyone agree with him in order to have a sense of personal value in a church.


They list eight barriers that can get in the way of healthy self-definition:

  • Shaky self-worth that is easily threatened can undermine a sense of self.
  • Unresolved issues from one’s family of upbringing and previous life history can sabotage attempts at self-defintion.
  • Unreasonable drives to succeed can foil being self-defined as a minister.
  • Heightened perfectionism can turn the minister into a workaholic.
  • Over commitment, allowing little or no time for self-reflection, undermines in a corrosive manner any self-defintion work that a person may have done.
  • Overwhelming needs for inclusion, acceptance and love are a major barrier to self-defintion.
  • Health issues of various kinds can block the process of self-defintion.
  • Fragile spiritual life and faith can undermine one’s sense of self.
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