The following post is a continuation of an earlier post (find it here) describing behaviors that can murder a marriage.
6. Refuse to forgive. Some couples fight and refuse to forgive. They stuff their anger, their resentments and their bitterness. They refuse to forgive and move on. The old negative behaviors of the past are allowed to accumulate in one’s heart and mind, like smelly garbage that is never taken out.
At some point, when this couple is in a heated battle, they open the garbage bag and drag out the past failures of their spouse. Out comes nasty resentments and more anger.
Refusing to forgive can destroy the intimacy in a marriage and put one another at a distance.
7. Be disrespectful to one another. I once knew a couple who regularly showed disrespect toward one another. They didn’t just disagree. They wanted to hurt one another. She would accuse him of not being a real man with any backbone. He accused her of being cold and unresponsive. Their language toward one another was demeaning and hurtful.
Disrespect can slowly destroy the tenderness that a couple may have had toward one another at one time.
8. Act in an untrustworthy manner. A man in his late thirties has been on a number of business trips with his company. He never wears his wedding ring when he travels and is very flirty with female co-workers. At one point, his co-workers were shocked to learn that he was married. Eventually, his wife found out about his reputation at work. Now she refuses to trust him.
Behaving in an untrustworthy manner is a major breech in a marriage and destroys the trust that might have once existed.
9. Be manipulative. Manipulators attempt to get what they want without being honest enough to be transparent. A woman once said regarding a family member: “I feel like he is always up to something.” The manipulator is always trying to put himself at an advantage so that he can get what he wants.
Husbands and wives who manipulate one another destroy their opportunity to practice self-giving love while they opt instead for power and control.
10. Put yourself first.
Putting yourself first in your marriage destroys the opportunity to follow Jesus while you decide you choose instead to go your own way.