21. Marriage can be very satisfying and joyful. Believe it or not, many couples experience great pleasure in their marriages.
22. Marriage is hard work. Marriage takes effort and it takes being intentional. As married people, we depend upon the Lord for strength and perseverance. A very frustrated married person once told me, "If this is right, why is it so hard?" Jesus did the right thing and was led to the cross.
23. Marriage may sometimes be boring. The good news is that boredom is not fatal. Yes, it needs to be addressed but its existence doesn’t mean that you are in a crisis. Nor, does this mean that it is going to feel this way forever.
24. Beware of violating the privacy of your marriage by quoting your spouse (when you are away from him or her) in settings which would deeply hurt him or her if what you said became known. It is one thing to talk about your marriage with someone (a marriage and family therapist, minister, counselor, etc) who is trying to help you. It is quite another matter to reveal her words to the guys at work.
25. Dishonesty hurts a marriage. Husbands and wives must not rationalize the seemingly small dishonest moments. Rationalizing these moments can pave the way for much bigger deceit.
26. Most affairs begin as friendships. Don’t think that saying "we are just friends" is going to cure the anxiety of an anxious spouse. This is expecially true when her warning bells are already sounding.
27. Its not about you. Far too often our self centeredness takes over and then the arguments and quarrels begin. When this happens, the "us" in the relationship may be ignored while I focus on the "me."
28. Physical nakedness is one of the great joys of marriage. What can be frightening, however, is emotional nakedness. We make ourselves vulnerable before one another. Married people need to be very careful that they do not hurt their mates where they are vulnerable.
29. Have a vision of creating a marriage/family that is an island of health in a very dysfunctional, self-centered world. Such a vision will need great great help from the Lord if this is to become a reality.
30. Married people should cherish one another. You can tell when someone cherishes a television, a rod and reel, jewelry, etc. It is all in the way the person handles these things. Many us of may be underestimating the importance of cherishing our spouses.
Jim
I am really enjoying this series. It reminds me of sitting in your office with my lovely fiancee years ago. by the way, you have been one of my best teachers in the art of pre-marital counseling. Thanks for being you.
#26 sticks out to me. I have seen 2 marraiges fall apart in the last year due to being too close of friends with a person of the opposite sex. We have to be careful where we look for our friendship fulfillments.
These are some really important ones. A Church recently asked me to take part in a series they were doing on “Families With a Heart for God.” I presented four lessons and each had the same punch line–when you boil down all of the problems in marrage they usually come down to simple selfishness.
This is such a great list!
I’ve been a little afraid of these post, Jim. I hope I can do more with it than that. Thanks.
Jim,
Thanks! I have great memories of those times together.
You and Bernie are special people.
Thanks Kristine, Jack, and Jan…