This Sunday is Father’s Day.
This is a time in which many men will be thinking about their own roles as fathers.
I am also thinking this week about what it means to be a man.
So let me raise this question: What concerns you most about men today?
For example, here are a few of my concerns:
1. Some men can not be counted on. They do not support their wives or their children. They avoid dealing with matters in their lives that really need their attention. They avoid, neglect, and dodge. Meanwhile, the various situations often just continue to deteriorate.
2. Some men say the right things but then seem to forget that reality is shaped not just by what they say but what they do. Some men talk but then rarely follow through.
3. Some men manipulate. They have learned how to get what they want but at any cost. They have gone through life manipulating women and men. Now, they manipulate their wives and children. For example, a man may want a new car. In fact, he might make the decision to buy that car. Yet, instead of just telling his wife this, he begins to manipulate her until she gives in. Then he tells everyone that they both thought this was best. “I found the car but she was the one who said, ‘Let’s get it!’ You know how she is when she makes up her mind.” Hmmm.
4. Some men recognize characteristics in their own fathers that they don’t want to repeat. However, some of these same men are so lacking in self-awareness that they continue to behave in other undesirable ways (often like their dads). For example, a man may say that he does not want to be self-absorbed like his dad even while he continues to impulsively spend money like his dad.
5. Some men have no passion for the things that matter most to Jesus. Consequently, a family may only see a man’s passion as it relates to his favorite football team, fishing, hunting, or some other interest. Meanwhile, this same man may almost yawn when opportunities surface that could make a real difference in someone’s life.
6. Some men are passive. They spend hour after hour sitting in their recliners watching television. They sit by passively and wait for their wives to take action with their children. They passively watch life go by not really investing in their marriages. They take no action and no initiative. Rather, they wait for someone else to make the first move. Do they ever show any passion? Sure. Just watch what happens when something gets in the way of being able to see the big game or their favorite program!
These are a few of my concerns. Yet, I could also tell you about some of the wonderful qualities of a number of men with whom I continue to be impressed. In fact, within the last few days, Charlotte and I have talked about several men (a variety of ages) who continue to impress us both. I think of men who take action, who want to make a real difference, and who stand up for their wives and children. I think of men who I know are trustworthy. They are loyal to their wives. I know men who have backbone and who will stand up for what is right. I could go on.
I am interested in hearing from you regarding this.
Question:
What concerns you as you observe some men?
It seems that so many men are unwilling to step into a role of spiritual leadership. It’s not just about whether or not women should be allowed to do more; it’s about whether or not men are going to be willing to do anything!
We need men who are bold and passionate about spiritual things.
Grace and peace,
Tim Archer
Tim, thank you very much for this very good observation observation. You are so right in the next sentence regarding the need for boldness and passion regarding things that really matter.
I agree with Tim and would go even farther. I see many churches concerned over what women can and can’t do in the church. My problem is that we’re not cultivating men and modeling the kind of behavior that encourages and trains them to be the kinds of fathers and husbands and spiritual leaders they were designed by God to be. Instead, we take women and place them in roles they might not be designed to be in and say they are using their gifts…maybe they aren’t.
I want to see all the problems you listed go away, but I fear they won’t as long as we continue taking verses like Galatians 2:38 out of context and putting women in roles that God created us men to be in.
This may sound chauvinistic and counter-cultural, but I believe strongly in our men to be the leaders in their homes and in the church just like Christ is the head of the church. We have to own up that we haven’t done our job, but let’s fix that. Let’s start training our men to be great dads and great husbands and great leaders. Let’s be bold and call men out when they aren’t doing their job.
For more, I would read “Why Men Hate Going To Church” and “The Map” by David Murrow and John Eldredge’s “Wild At Heart”.
Mike, thanks so much for your reading suggestions. I also want to thank you for noting that in so many churches, we are neither cultivating and equipping guys nor are many of us modeling the kind of husbands/fathers that God intended. You have put your finger on something that is very important.
I got the scripture wrong. It should be Galatians 3:28.
Passive men bother me. No woman really wants to be the leader in her home. I know, I’m a strong personality. Raising the kids, doing the housework, holding a job, and being the spiritual leader is tiring; we don’t have the strength or the stamina. Over time, it’s easy for bitterness to set in. The lesson for women like me is to learn when to hold back so our spouses are forced to lead.
I have watched both of my sons grow in their role of spiritual leader in their home. I can honestly say they love their wives as Christ loves the church: sacrificially. Watching their wives return that love with respect is more than a mother could ask for. This carries over to their children as well. Obedience to God’s word is evidenced within their homes.
I have to admit, after 39 years of marriage, I still want my husband to be a stronger leader.
Shelley, you have identified something that is very important. One is the problem of the passive man. Such passivity on the part of husbands can sometimes help a child to feel as she has little value because when something happens, her daddy may just sit back and watch instead of being proactive and intentional. Such intentionality on the part of husbands/fathers can go a long way toward communicating value to a wife or children.
You also vocalized a difficulty that some married women experience particularly when their husbands are passive and their wives are a “strong personality.” Guys need to ask themselves: “What is she supposed to do if I do not lead?”
Thanks.
Shelley, it sounds like you have a done a great job with your sons! Would you mind giving some specific examples of what you would like your husband to do? (This is for my benefit; I’m trying to learn.) Thank you!
Jim,
Your observations are spot on. One comment received stated the difficulty as a woman is knowing how or when to step back so that her spouse can lead. This implies the woman has a role in “whether” her man takes the lead or not. Not so. Where there is lack of leadership, there is lack of motivation and interest…or as you stated: passion. Passion is key. We are each responsible for our own obedience to Christ.
~ blessings.
Carmel,
Thanks very much for your kind words. I really like what you said at the end regarding our own responsibility. “We each responsible for our own obedience to Christ.” That says a lot. Thanks for your comments, Carmel.