What is it that a young man needs to know about being a man, a husband, and/or a father? I would love to hear from you regarding this question.
For years, I have had conversations with men in which they shared just how inadequate they feel as a man and in other roles as well. Some express great confusion and anger over their relationship (or lack of) with their own fathers. Others feel as if they had very little preparation for knowing how to live as a godly man.
- Some men feel confused regarding their feelings. How is a man supposed to feel? What is a man supposed to do with emotion? What about all of those sexual feelings?
- Some men feel confused regarding marriage. What am I supposed to do as a husband on a daily basis? Why does she often get frustrated with me? How can I make this marriage last?
- Some men feel confused regarding being a parent. How am I supposed to balance marriage, work, church, etc. with being a dad? How can I keep from messing up my children? What am I supposed to do when my young children test me?
What do you think? What does a young man need to know about being a man, a husband, and/or a father?
I will come back to see what others write, as this should prompt some good responses and, hopefully, some from the female perspective. There are so many good books from a Biblical perspective, but my advice foremost might be to really listen and learn from your wife and, if so blessed, your children. More often than not, they will communicate what they want / need but more often than not, we tend not to listen. Second … have a clear understanding about that “submissive” thing in the Bible. What I was taught in the deep south is NOT what Paul meant! Your wife is your soul mate. Your companion. Your partner in all things. She is to be loved and nourished and appreciated and given room to grow. She is to be adored and cherished and always spoken highly of. Third, be the Godly man you are called to be.
Greg– These are outstanding. I like all three of these and believe them to be very important. I like what you say regarding a wife and the way she is to be treated. Thanks so much.
I very much appreciate Greg’s comments about submission. We’ve all seen marriages on the rocks or actually broken because of domineering men hiding behind Colossians.
I sometimes struggle with many of the things in this post. My father lost his father very young, so he had no close male on which to model his life. Also, I never had a grandfather for that type of male role model.
To answer Jim’s question, I’d say young men have to reject the staunch independence that society implies we need to be manly. Just as young ladies need to reject the appearance requirements advertisements force on them. Which requires a stronger man, to struggle and fail, or to seek help and flourish?
Dave– What you say in your comment is so important! There are so many people who can identify with you regarding your lack of a role model in your grandfather. For a variety of reasons, so many never had a dad for a role model. I also appreciate what you say re the cultural message regarding independence.
I think young men need to know that there is no shame in leaning into one’s family and community for support. It doesn’t make you “weak”; in fact, it gives you an opportunity to be stronger. I have seen so many young men trying to be “strong” by doing life on their own, but it really reveals the weaknesses of pride and self-centeredness. You’ve hit the nail on the head, Greg.
And I would say, don’t just listen to your wife (although she should be foremost; you’re closest to her, and she knows stuff about you that no one else does), but to your mother, sisters (both the biological ones and the ones you have in Christ), and to your daughters. They are your mirrors of who you are as a man, in the same way that husbands, brothers (family or Christian) and sons are mirrors to us women. That kind of learning takes humility, but it is learning all will be better for.
Alison–Your comment is so helpful! I love the way you put this, “…there is no shame in leaning into one’s family and community for support.” How freeing this could be for so many guys who believe they are supposed to be strong and somehow figure it out for themselves.
I think that young men need to know that making time for your family is really an important quality that many young people don’t always take the time to do. Many may see this as “the not cool” thing to do, but it really can make a difference. Before I went off to college, I never really made time for my family. I would whenever I was required to stay home and be with them, but other than that, I would treat my house pretty much like a hotel. I would expect so much out of my family, but when the time would come for them to expect something out of me, I would not have it. Now, as I look back I wish that I knew what an impact it makes on your family to spend more time with them and treat them as they wish to be treated and how they deserve to be treated!
Lane, what a good comment! You make such a good point. How important it is to invest in your family instead of allowing all of the investing to be one sided. Again– very well said. Thanks.