Do you wish you had a mentor? I am asking that because I just returned from a retreat in which our focus was centered around mentoring. As I look back through the years, I am so thankful for the mentors I have had in my life. These people have walked with me and in front of me. I have learned so much from these people about life. As I have gone through different stages in life, I have been blessed by being able to talk with people who have already been there and experienced life. No, these people may not have considered themselves to be mentors. However, they were mentoring me.
I talk with many people who feel as if they really have no one to talk with about life. Perhaps a young man does not have a dad or feels as if he can’t really talk to his dad. Maybe a young woman grew up without a mom and she feels as if she has no one to share the burdens of life with. Here is a young minister who is working with a church and feels very lonely. He feels as if he has no one to talk with about what he is experiencing.
Here are some questions that I have asked mentors through the years:
- How do you stay close to your children?
- How do you deal with stress?
- How do you function in marriage so that you and your wife remain close?
- How do you deal with temptation?
As a minister, I have been blessed to have several mentors through the years.
- One person encouraged me to take care of my body and to take plenty of time off.
- One mentor once told me that I was counseling far too many people and that I was going to burn out.
- Still another person mentored me through my own desire to grow in my prayer life.
Questions: What if you had a mentor? How could a mentor help you in your life right now? Have you ever had a mentor? How was this person helpful to you?
What a topic. If I had a mentor in my life I probably wouldn’t feel so invisible any more, or alone.
Guess I’ll wait and see how others comment, because I don’t have any answers to this topic. I’ve asked God for a mentor and all I get is having to fend for myself.
Jim,
Thanks for being one of those mentors that this young, and sometimes lonely, minister has been able to call on many occasions.
Jim,
I would love to hear more. What points did he make?
If I had a mentor right now, I probably wouldn’t be seeing a Christian counselor. I’ve come to really value her ability to speak truth to me and the wisdom that comes with age. I need someone who is able to clearly decipher between Biblical values and worldly values, especially for me since I find that I have a hard time relating to the majority of Christians I know.
Darin,This retreat was in the form of discussion and reflections by all of us rather than a lecture from a resource person. I do plan to write additional posts on mentoring.
Kristine,You said it well! It is interesting–your observation that in your case if you had a mentor, you might not be seeing a counselor. I suspect some others might say that as well (though there is certainly a place for competent, wise godly counselors). Sounds like this person is being very helpful to you.Thanks for your note.
Wade,It has been my privilege and honor to get to be a part of your life in some way. Hope you are enjoying your new work.
Tony,Good comment. I certainly think there is a place for several mentors. At times these people might be helpful in particular areas. It is nice, however, when there is at least one person to whom a person can be honest and open about life as it is and know that the person will walk with you.
Invisible,I can appreciate your prayers for a mentor. Sometimes, I think that mentors may be found in unlikely places. For instance, over the years, some of the wisest counsel I have received has been from older people. Often these people are a repository of godly wisdom. However, they are sometimes forgotten as they have aged.About six months ago, I spent several hours with a man in his early seventies–retired. He is home most of the time. I met him for lunch and then began to pick his brain. At the end of the lunch I thanked him for the conversation. He looked at me and wistfully said, "Well—there aren’t a lot of demands on my time these days."Just a thought.
My mother has always told me that she felt every little girl needed someone outside of her parents that thought she was wonderful. To me, this formed the basis of my understanding of a mentor. I certainly do not see my role as a mentor as only a cheerleader, but one who values a person so highly to offer graciousness and truth in the context of love. I have had many mentors and cheerleaders across my life, both men and women. I also have had the honor of mentoring two younger women than myself. It is humbling, as I watch these younger women take my words and sort them out. I offer my words much more cautiously at this point, praying for discernment. As I have grown into these mentoring roles, they have illuminated my need for community wisdom, and I find myself looking for those moments when I can talk with those older than myself. There are some that I have sought out over the years, and I do have one mentor that has lasted over many years who I feel completely comfortable with in my most authentic self. There are also others that have been complete surprises to me, and I have almost overlooked them because I was looking for something different. Mentoring is close to my heart, and I am enriched for those who mentor me and those who I am privileged to mentor.
I think having a marriage mentor would be wonderful. I imagine an elderly married couple coaching me and my husband, who are newer to marriage. I do believe this is what God intended where, in the New Testament, it says that the older women should teach the younger ones.
In my church, I would love to be a Mommy mentor to those who have kids who are becoming teens. I made so many mistakes when I wish I had someone to point out a better way. I don’t think we realize how much we need a coach until we’re in over our heads!