Do you ever find yourself asking:
Why have I made so many mistakes in my life? Why must I seem to always learn the hard way?
Why has my life not turned out the way I envisioned? Why have I experienced so much disappointment and pain?
Why do I sometimes feel so different from everyone else? It just doesn’t seem like other Christians struggle with the things that I do.
Why have I become so cynical regarding life? What has happened to the joy that I once experienced as a Christian?
I think that some of us believe that we really don’t matter to God very much. Some of us would affirm that he loves the world and that he is a loving God. However, we are convinced that we are somehow disqualified to fully receive his love. We may say that he loves the world but we think that we have messed up too much
Sure God forgives, but I had an abortion and I know that he will always hold that against me.
Sure God forgives, but I had an affair a few years ago. I never dreamed that I would do something like that.
Sure God forgives, but my whole life is littered with a string of broken relationships.
Sure God forgives, but I feel like such a failure as a parent. I can’t believe the way my kids turned out.
Sure God forgives, but I know that I have always been one big disappointment to God.
Do you know that God really will give you a fresh start? The Biblical writers often remind us that they too had received fresh starts (Read again Eph. 2:1-9 and I Cor. 6:9-11). Do you know that his care for you is greater than you failure? Do you know that Jesus’ work on the cross and his resurrection has given us hope for a new start? (Rom. 5:6-8)
It is not too late to have a fresh start.
No matter what!
Honestly, my life sucks. I mean there’s no getting around it. I’m 25 years old, I live with my parents, I have no car, and no job. Some years ago, I was in a terrible car accident. I was partially paralyzed. Praise God, I was able to relearn to walk, talk, and eat. I go to an online college and an making a B+ average in Game Software Development. But I spend all day, everyday doing nothing. I leave the house maybe once or twice a week—that’s only when one of my parents needs help getting groceries, or maybe going to church. I own origintruth.com, an evangelistic website that got over 12.5 thousand visits last year, by over 9 thousand different people—obviously I’m doing some good work there. I haven’t had a girlfriend in about 10 years; I am still a virgin.
I mean, I know—without a doubt—that the bible is 100% true & accurate but, sometimes I feel like God’s just having fun, making me wonder things like: "
What is the point to going to school? My life will never change.What’s the point in taking care of myself? No-one would ever love a loser like me.What’s the point in being civil and courteous to the handful of people I see per week?What’s the point of hope?What’s the point of caring?What’s the point of life?What’s the point of existence?
Clearly, I have been afflicted with acedia, which you won’t find ( exactly ) in your bible. Perhaps because of my 4 month stay in the WI state institution ( over my 20th birthday ), or perhaps because somewhere deep, deep down there’s the faintest glimmer of hope stuck in me, I can’t get sucked into tristia ( even though tristia and acedia generally go hand-in-hand ), meaning that this isn’t "full-blown" sloth.
I’ve just recently moved to San Antonio, TX; what a big let-down that was. I now live in a pool-house in my parents’ back-yard.
I’m getting rather agitated right now, going into so much explicit detail on why my life sucks, so as to prevent myself from becoming so overly succomb by tristia ( therefore meaning I’d be "commiting the sin," or whatever, of sloth ( how is that a sin? ), I’ll just leave by saying there’s more, much more.
Trevor,
You have been through a great deal in your 25 years. The terrible car accident, rehab, learning to walk, talk, eat, etc. How very, very difficult. I can only imagine.
I don’t have no fix or magical words of wisdom, nor would I even insult your intelligence with such words. However, I do know that somewhere, in the core of our being, we must wrestle with this critical question. Is God greater than my problems? If he is, then how do I begin to live a life of faith, where I live each day trusting that there is a purpose for me being alive, whether I can see it or not.
Somewhere in all of this, I think that each of must decide what is really important in life. Some of us will have lives which appear to be important and significant. Some of us will experience living that looks rather insignificant and worthless. Yet, in faith, I trust that God is not dependent on how things seem but on the reality as he sees and determines.
For me, this means waking up every morning with commitment to follow Jesus. As I understand Jesus, the most important commands are loving God and loving others. The quality of my day and life is determined living out this purpose. For me this means learning to love God, one day at a time and loving people, one person at a time. Each day, I have to ask myself, “Does my life, the way I am behaving, talking, etc. reflect that I love God? Am I a person who lives for others?”
I have no idea why some people seem to have “everything going for them” and others seem to have a pretty ragged life. (A part of the reflection found in Job and Habakkuk in the OT)
I am glad for your comment. I appreciate your honesty.
Jim-
Thank you. That really makes things more clear. Just so I’m not receiving the wrong message, I’ll quickly go over what I’ve ascertained from your response:
-life is a struggle; Different for all; some comparably worse than others. The followers of Christ are to love God, love their neighbors, and live a life reflecting the “hope that is within [us] every day ( I Peter 3:15 ).”
-That, to “pull out” of this veritable “slump” I’m going through, I am to just TRUST that God knows exactly what I’m going through ( on every conceivable level: physical, emotional, spiritual, etc. ) and has promised not to let me down, in the end.
-it isn’t even uncommon for me to have to LEARN TO LOVE God, rather the wavering of my heart is the “testing of faith.”
-even I — someone who has devoted many man-hours and dollars — towards the Christian cause shouldn’t be embarassed ( or surprised to find ) that deep-down struggle with an issue that’s so logically inconsistent. ( i.e. – “How can anything be bigger than God?” )
-That it’s a DAILY struggle, one that I shouldn’t be dismayed about continuing to fight for the rest of my existence.
Is this basically what you’re telling me? Have I gotten the correct, INTENDED “transmission”? 😉
Trevor- Yes, I think that what you expressed here is what I meant to communicate. I’m glad to hear your feedback.
May God bless you as you continue to deal with life and walk with God.