When I’m Irritable

This morning, I woke up early, made the coffee, and took my place at the kitchen table.  In front of me was my Bible, my Journal, and Gordon MacDonald’s book, The Resilient Life.  For some reason, I found it difficult to pray.  My mind kept wandering.  I wrote in my journal but it seemed forced.  Then I realized that I was feeling low, and a little irritable.  No, I didn’t immediately notice it.  I had to think for a while about how I was feeling.  In some ways, that might sound strange.  After all, I had not even seen anyone that morning, yet.  How can a person wake up and already feel irritable?

I started thinking about the following:

• A little "family tension" that had taken place during the last 24 hours.
• I thought about the frustration that I am feeling right now over one particular aspect of life in our congregation.
• The very full week that I am having.
• The very full three or four months that our family is going to experience.
• Some agitation that I am feeling toward a person and his behavior.

It was very helpful for me to give this some thought.  Otherwise, I am afraid that my "irritability’s" would eventually come out. 

• I might speak too sharply with Charlotte.
• I might make a big deal out of nothing with Jamie.
• I might respond poorly on the telephone with Christine.
• I might express through my facial expressions, frustration with a convenience store attendant or the waiter at the restaurant.

Instead, I prayed through Psalm 23.  I read it silently and then prayed through it.  I thanked the Lord for being my shepherd and for providing for my needs.  I thanked him for leading me, restoring me, and guiding me. 

(I remember thinking as I was praying this, "It’s doesn’t all depend on me!"  That’s good news…)

I thanked him for being present even when I am fearful and anxious.

(Far too often, anxiety gets the best of me…)

Finally, I thanked God for being allowed to dwell in his house for ever. 

(Things in my life may not always go the way I would like.  However, his abiding presence is constant and there is a very sweet and constant security that is mine because of that.)

As I prayed, some of my anxiety began to lift.  I felt better.  Over that cup of coffee, early in the morning, I realized once again, that God is in charge.

It doesn’t all depend on me.