I cared for too long–much too long.
I shouldn’t have. My caring reflected an unhealthy self-consciousness, and most of all a self-centeredness that bordered on idolatry. As I think about this kind of caring, it strikes me as—well, embarrassing.
I cared too much–way too much— about what other people were thinking. I would have denied it at the time, but it was true.
Now being a minister and being overly consumed with what others are thinking is not a good mix. Just look at Jesus’ life in the four Gospels. Loved by some, tolerated by others, and hated by men who would seek his death.
Yet, the evidence was undeniable, I cared too much. As I look back across 28 years or so of ministry, this is what I have concluded. Far too often, I cared to much about the wrong things:
- Invitations to speak at other churches, special gatherings, had become far too important. I had become overly conscious of where I had spoken and where I had not.
- The comments of other people mattered too much. Compliments became far too significant. Criticisms were far too debilitating.
- My heart was filled with constant inner turmoil and dissatisfaction. Nothing was ever enough. And don’t even mention the peace of Christ. I knew nothing about that in a real, experiential way.
- At times, I failed to express in conversation what I really believed, what I really thought, and what I really felt. No–there was no intent to be deceptive. Not at all. So often, I just completely lost touch with what was happening inside me.
What made matters worse was the air I was breathing. The air had become polluted by lots of people communicating in subtle and not so subtle ways that the point of ministry was happiness. Success seemed to be the happiness of people in these churches. Combine caring too much with too many people craving "happiness" and you have a combination that is deadly. Buying into this is a sure way to kill the effectiveness of any minister or any other Christ-follower.
Yet, I’m in a much different place today. Much different. Today, I don’t care and yet I care more. I find that I care less and less about what people think (of me) because I care more and more about what God thinks.
Really.
And–that has freed me to really care more about people. It has freed me to love people more authentically and genuinely. It has freed me to feel and think and live in Christ without my self-absorption constantly getting in the way.
More on what helped with this and why…
That’s a good place to be. If for no other reason, you can be more focused when you work for an audience of One. When I moved to Long Beach, I did so with the intent of not caring … which is stupid because of course we care what other think. But I’ve managed, for the most part, to be more concerned for the higher priority of what God thinks.
Another fine post, Jim … looking forward to reading the follow-up of “what” and “why.”
Jim,
What great thoughts. I have always appreciated your openness and humble heart. Thanks for letting the love of Christ shine through your life today. Your post makes me think of a quote from Augustine that talks about the difference between the world and the church in regard to the sinful problem of self-glorificaton.
“Two Cities have been formed by two loves: the earthly by the love of self, even to the contempt of God; the heavenly by the love of God, even to the contempt of self. The former, in a word, glories in itself, the latter in the Lord. For the one seeks glory from men; but the greatest glory of the other is God, the witness of conscience. The one lifts up its head in its own glory; the other says to its God,’Thou art my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.'”
-Augustine, The City of God, Book 14.28
I guess this can go both ways. Sometimes I dont care enough about what people think .
Greg/Sharon,
You both speak to the other end of that problem which is to decide that we absolutely don’t care about what other people think.
As you both noted, that is a real issue. It is no more Christ-like to completely ignore the feelings and thoughts of others than to be shackled by them.
There is still this interesting problem of the self that keeps placing itself at the forfront of our lives.
Matt-
Thanks for a great quote! I hope you are doing well. I have great memories of your time in Waco.
Jim, It is my observation that caring too much what people think is pretty typical of people when they are in their teens and twenties. Hopefully, we mature out of this as we grow. Sounds like you are following that typical growth curve. Isn’t it great to be fifty-something instead of twenty-something!!! 🙂
I can id with you in my life, Jim. And I love your thought, that people craving happiness and the minister craving people’s approval, is indeed a deadly combination. Certainly far from Jesus and the apostolic writings.
I think it’s interesting that caring less freed you to care more. When we are enslaved to something, we do the very LEAST we have to. Yet, freedom can be extravagant!
Thoughtful post. Thanks.
Julie,
I like the way you said, “Caring less freed you to care more.” That is so true and so freeing.